BiasinBigender

"Allow? How does that work?"

"The stims, sedatives... The codephrases too."

But I am smart, when I'm not going to or coming back from a fight. I read big books, it's just that the letters keep moving when I'm tired.

"That doesn't sound ethical..." The voices continue.

"Would you want an intelligent hound? Do you want those murder machines to start thinking about what side to fight for?"

"You have a point here... I've seen it bite through someone's hand."

I touch my muzzle. That was an accident, it was all just too much, they moved too fast, too close to my skin. I was scared they would damage my soft skin.

"Do they really need those books? 'Engineering for Industrial Chemists', 'Fuels and lubricants for mech engineers' I don't think I've seen it read for more than a few seconds."

I do read it... It's just hard to stay focused. The small letters...

"I think it's mostly the pictures, makes them feel smart."

I am smart... I am smart...

I try to read a book 'Clayden's Organic Chemistry' I understand the arrows, the electron movements. I can feel them intuitively. But the words... They're too long. Glycos... Glycosyta... Glucosila... It's like I'm trying to reach something, standing on tip-toes and feeling it with my fingertips. It's almost painful to my mind, I feel so close to understanding... So close

Suddenly she is at the door of my cage. In all her might and beauty.

"I saw on the Vitals that you weren't feeling well." She looked at the book, open, upside down, on the floor.

"I was smart?" I whine.

"You are smart." She susses to me. "Now down."

Her words draw the worries down, and my mind clears. I lay on my belly and she scratches my tummy.

I don't remember why I was grasping, I'm just happy and relaxed. Handler was so much better than anything I could have tried to understand.

She picks the book off the floor, closes it and puts it back on the shelf. "Now, don't worry too much about it anymore, okay?"

at first she left the meals and cutlery in the room then left you to eat. then she started staying to watch you eat. you didn't want to give her whatever kind of sick satisfaction she'd get from it, but you need to eat. so you put up with it

then she started sitting closer and closer to you while you ate. then she started holding the plate in her lap while you ate from it. it all happened so slowly, so gradually, that you didn't even really notice how strange it was until she started petting your hair while you ate. you tried not to eat for a few days after that. but you need to eat. so you cave. and she keeps petting your hair

one day she ties your wrists behind your back before she brings your meal. when she comes in with the food, she sits in a chair directly in front of you. you think about how much you hate her. you think about how much you hate that you're so used to being close to her. she picks up some of the food and cups it in one palm. then she extends the hand towards you

you stare at the food in her hands. your mouth starts to water. you understand, somewhere deep in you, that if you do this, you will be crossing a line. something in you will snap in a way that can't be fixed. you hate her. you don't want to give her whatever kind of sick satisfaction she'll get from it

but ohh puppy, it's your fault for giving your owner easy access to fuck you awake, why are you even whining about it

"I always heard these scary stories" they say.

"You don't look like beasts at all" they say.

They say they say they say.

Every time I'm in public they are surprised by how human I seem. I'm not surprised, I spend all those hours preparing.

I put on the make-up to hide the muzzle-marks. I trained looking in the mirror to keep my eyes focused. I stared at pilots to see how they walk. How they smile.

I do my best to copy it all. When my focus slips, when I screw up, I cringe. I feel a pain in my soul that I have once again forgotten how to be a human right. I pray that they don't notice, but I always feel they did.

Their hound: "Handler... who's coming- why are you so scared?"