love is something you do with your teeth

Aftercare isn’t a script, it isn’t mass produced and packaged. It isn’t the same every time, and it doesn’t contain the same stuff (or even accomplish the same emotional needs) between different people! Aftercare is what you do to take care of someone after you’ve been in an altered headspace from sex or BDSM with them. Specifically, it’s what you do in order to come back to a regulated headspace. That’s it.

It can depend on personal preference, how well you know your partner, or be context or play dependent! It can be physical or verbal, long or short, low energy or high energy. In dynamic or out of dynamic. Romanticizing a specific acceptable image of what care looks like isn’t good for us. It’s even led to me seeing people asking “What if I don’t need aftercare?” And if that’s been you, I’m going to blow your mind. If you feel like you “don’t need aftercare” just because you feel like breaking out in hives from being cuddled and doted on and given affirmations and water, that doesn’t actually mean you’re skipping out on aftercare. Being left alone might be your aftercare.

Yeah, crazy right? Some people come up to baseline and can prevent drop with a hug, a joint, and super smash. Some people’s aftercare is a long cry and time alone before reconnecting and checking in in the morning. Some people just want to take a fucking nap. And yeah, cuddles and kisses and water and candy are all really nice things most people really enjoy! But aftercare needs are as diverse as kink interests in the first place. You can’t assume that everyone is doing kink with the same emotional palette, the same insecurities to be reassured or the same goals. You’ve gotta talk about it!

she said that underwire bras aren't typically made with trans women's' ribcages in mind, but that if you have smaller boobs a soft bralette or sports bra is totally fine. it's also possible that bras made for drag will fit, but she wasn't sure how helpful that would be and neither was I, since we're not talking about a boob plate here. i was asking on behalf of some of my friends who have naturally big boobs after horomones though, and she told me that if your breast tissue feels unsupported or you're getting new back pain that you think is coming from there, your best bet is to get fitted at a small boutique, and that there are higher band sizes that you can try.

I told her some of the girls I know are scared to do this and she reccomended to have someone call the place for you and ask outright, being upfront that you're nervous about it, and then base your decision on how they react. but also that most independent bra stores are probably friendly because they're being run by hippies. At a chain like victoria's secret or something they're not going to carry higher band sizes at all, plus you're never gonna be able to tell who you'll get at a chain, so she recommends calling a smaller place where you can really get a read on the people there from talking on the phone.