I ask for Holla/nov with cat allergies (both of em). Saw a scenerio somewhere that Hay/den gets a new cat and Holla/nov is over for date night. Il/ya is much more allergic but Sh/ane is less allergic but still adorable
Please and Ty ! Sorry for another request
First, this scenario is SO cute. Second, you have nothing to apologize for! Your requests are so fun to write, and you donât send too many or anything! I hope you enjoy :)
The latter half of this fic (the car scene onward) was created by @softsicknose and me in a massive geeking-out session. I also added in a few sentences as recommended by the ridiculously lovely @snifflybabe. Thanks to both of them <33 This is set shortly after the ending of The Long Game.
Meovv (H/eated R/ivalry, Shane and Ilya)
Shane had never spent a lot of time around animals.
He hadnât had a pet growing up - the Hollanders devoted all of their time and effort to hockey, so taking care of a cat or dog would have been difficult - and the same went for his hockey-playing friends and acquaintances. So his experiences had always been pretty limited, and he hadnât done much of anything to remedy that in his adulthood.
Now that he and Ilya were married and finally living together full-time, Shane was used to life with a dog and enjoying it more than heâd ever thought he would. Heâd pictured dogs as messy and rambunctious, and while Anya was certainly full of energy, she was far gentler and sweeter than Shane had expected her to be. A lot like her father, actually.
Shane still assumed, in the great debate of cats v. dogs, that he was more likely to be a cat person - they were quiet and calm, which matched his vibe well (maybe a little too well, if the aloofness associated with them was to be believed). But he hadnât spent enough time near any to be sure.
When Shane pulled into the driveway of Hayden and Jackieâs home, Ilya made a show of slowly unbuckling his seatbelt and sighing exaggeratedly. âDo you think we will be able to eat lunch right away, orâŚ?â
Shane gave him a little shove. âDonât be an asshole.â
Ilya gave him his trademark (pain-in-the-ass) faux-innocent look. âIâm just very hungry, Shane.â
âMhm. Câmon,â he said, ready to drag his husband by the collar of his shirt if he didnât get a move on. Fortunately for both of them, Ilya just stuck out his pretty pink bottom lip like the drama queen he was and got out of the car.
âHi, guys,â Jackie said with a smile as she greeted them at the door, gesturing for them to sit down on the couch. âWhere the hell is Hayden, he was just here a seconâHayden!â
âIâm here,â Hayden said, coming into the room carrying something small and black and white and fuzzy with teeny little claws â a cat?
Shane looked at Ilya, whose eyes had grown very wide with what looked likeâŚfear? worry?âŚbefore a cheerful grin overtook his face. âIs that a kitty?â he said, and Shane couldnât help but smile at the delight in his voice.
âMeet Sparkles,â Hayden said, then shrugged at Shaneâs raised eyebrow. âThe girls named her.â
âAnd Arthur,â Jackie added. âHe got the last say.â
Hayden sighed. âTechnically we got the last say, butâŚâ
âMay I pet her?â Ilya said in an awed voice. What the hell? Shane had never seen Ilya be so polite in Haydenâs presence. To his further surprise, Hayden smiled and gently held the kitten out for Ilya to take into his arms. Wow. Who knew that all it would take for the two of them to get along was the presence of a furry creature?
Jackie caught Shaneâs gaze and grinned, probably thinking the same thing he was. Ilya made a small contented noise as Sparkles curled up in his lap. âShe is gorgeous,â he said, blinking hard multiple times as he stroked her fur. Was he going to start crying? Shane thought the cat was cute too, but Ilyaâs emotions seemed a little overboard. Still, the way that Ilya was so gentle and sweet with the tiny kitten made Shane absolutely melt. It made him want to climb into his husbandâs lap and kiss and kiss and kiss himâŚbut then, Hayden might never invite the two of them back.
âI just need to finish up the salad, and then weâll be ready,â Jackie said. âBut before thatâŚâ she went into a bedroom and brought out another cat, just as little and fuzzy as Sparkles. âMeet Sparklesâs brother!â
Ilya looked up from scritching behind Sparklesâs ears. Once again, his face morphed from terrified to excited, and no one but Shane seemed to notice. Shane muffled a quick cough into his elbow and watched the tuxedo catâs austere, unblinking expression. How did animals look so human sometimes? This one looked like he needed a scotch and a cigarette and a nap. It was fucking adorable.
âHis nameâs Emmett,â Jackie continued.
âI named him,â Hayden cut in.
Ilya rolled his eyes, still petting Sparkles in a steady rhythm. âOf course you would name your cat a boring human name.â He sniffled, probably to emphasize his contempt.
Hayden crossed his arms. âUhâŚdoesnât your dog have a human name?â
Ilya scowled at him like he had called Anya a filthy mongrel. âThat is -snf- different. She has a beautiful name. Not likeâŚâ He screwed up his face, nose twitching, and affected a drawn-out Canadian accent. ââEmm-ett.ââ
âGod, you are such a fuckingââ
âJesus Christ,â Shane said exasperatedly. âCan you two stop arguing for five fucking seconds?â
Jackie nodded in agreement. âGet it together, Hayden.â
âMe?! Heâs the one whoââ
âLet -snf- Shane hold him,â Ilya cut in. âHe has not spent enough time around kitties. He needs practice for when we -hgkm- buy a farm for our fifty animals.â
âI draw the line at getting an emu,â Shane said, deadpan, as he took the cat in his arms, trying to hold the tiny thing carefully without squeezing too tight or dropping her. Hayden and Jackie both laughed. A loud purring began to emanate from Sparkles as she curled further into Ilyaâs lap. Ilya began blinking hard again, and he rubbed his nose into his shoulder. Hm. He hadnât seemed quite so sniffly this morning. Must have forgotten to take his allergy pill. Again.
âWow, she really likes you,â Hayden said incredulously.
âOf course she likes me,â Ilya said. âI am -snf- irresistible. Right, Shane?â
Shane ignored him, and Haydenâs accompanying groan, focusing his attention solely on Emmett instead. He was so soft, and his huge yellow eyes were mesmerizing. He rubbed his head against Shaneâs thigh, and Shane scratched beneath his chin, and - oh. He started purring too, loudly enough that Ilya turned his head to watch the two of them. Shane placed a hand on Emmettâs side to feel his little body vibrating with the sound. Something lit up in Shaneâs heart. So cuteâŚhe looked over at Ilya, and returned his soft smile. HmmâŚmaybe Anya wouldnât mind if they added another member to their family?
Then Shane needed to cough against the growing fullness in his throat and scratch beneath an itch in his right eye.
Ilya gave him a questioning look but became distracted by Sparkles kneading biscuits into his leg. He dragged a wrist beneath his nose as he watched her, grinning.
Shane grinned, too. Then he scrunched up the right side of his face against the returning itch in his eye. And then his other eye. And then both at once. And then the itch became a burn that left him both annoyed and confused.
Beside him, Ilya made a strangled sound, then ducked his head back into his shoulder. âhâgnxt! ngkt-uhh! huhh, iuhhâŚGXTâSHHt!â
âBless you!â Jackie exclaimed as Ilya let out a shaky breath.
Shane wanted to also bless Ilyaâs incredibly itchy-sounding sneezes, but he was too busy struggling with an urgent and all-encompassing tickle in his own nose. His breath hitched, at an embarrassingly high pitch, and what came out was âBlehh-ehh-ehâTSCHHhh! tsâchhhoo!â As Emmett mewed in surprise, Shane snuffled and blushed and blinked, hard. Just as Ilya had been doing since heâd started playing with the kitten. Oh, shit. âEh-excuse m-! hdtâshiew! hh'ISHhhuhh!â
âOh, shit,â Hayden said, echoing Shaneâs thoughts. âAre you guys allergic to cats?â
Shane noticed that Ilya was avoiding everyoneâs gazes. He attempted to give him a what the fuck? stare but had to give up when his vision began to blur with tears. âI-I didnât knowhhh-!â he tried to explain. Jackie swooped in to pick up Emmett before Shane could jostle him further with his sneezes (not that they were strong enough to really bother him, like Ilyaâs would be, but still). "huh-ISChhh! hh'ISHhhhoo! hah-tishh'hew!"
Ilya, meanwhile, was handing Sparkles back to Hayden before rocketing forward with a trio of explosive sneezes muffled into his hands.
"haaAAASHHhhoo! AESHhhhuhh! HAAH-SHUHHhhh!"
âBless you! Oh my god, Iâm so sorry, guys,â Jackie said. âIâll get you some Benadryl.â She dashed off to the bathroom as Shane felt the now-burning tears begin to slip down his dripping nose. He wiped them away and turned back towards Ilya, whose face was buried in some tissues from a box that Hayden had passed him. Oh, theyâre getting along again, Shane thought faintly before he had to pitch sideways into his elbow.
"hadt'schiew! -tschiew! ahh'ISHHhhew!" The sneezes came in wet bursts that left a mist on his arm, and Shane grimaced with discomfort.
âBless you,â Ilya said, not moving his face from where it was covered by the tissues.
â-cough- Thagk you. Bless you,â Shane said, then mumbled a âSorryâ to Hayden and flushed when Ilya handed him the tissue box. Hayden told him not to worry, gave his own âsorryâ - this was a very Canadian affair - and went to put the cats in the other room. Shane was grateful to have a moment to blow his nose in relative privacy, excluding the very sniffly man sitting next to him and rubbing his nose against his palm in rapid circular motions like his life depended on it.
âIlyaâŚ" Shane noticed his husband freeze at his questioning tone. "...did you already know that youâre allergic to cats?â
With a guilty expression on his face, Ilya plucked some more tissues from the box and blew his nose with a booming, bass-note honk.
Shane huffed. âDonât try and get out of answering the question by blowing your nose, smartass.â
Ilya sniffled thickly, and it sounded like his nose was already starting to fill back up with congestion. âI just needed to blow my nose, Hollander.â
âOh, itâs Hollander now?â Shane narrowed his eyes. âYou did know you were allergic, didnât you?â
Ilya paused. ââŚ-snf-âŚMaybe.â He said this in the direction of Shaneâs knees.
Shane threw his arms up. âJesus, Ilya!â
âWhat am I supposed to do? Say no when a kitten is offered to me?! She is so cute, Shane!â
âWait, youâre the one who asked to holdâyou know what, no.â Shane sighed and shook his head. âForget it. Letâs go outside and get away from the dander, you look miserable.â
âSo do you, moy lyubimyy,â Ilya said, staring into Shaneâs eyes with a frown. He cupped Shaneâs cheek in his hand, and the gentle touch somehow made Shaneâs nose twitch. âYour eyes are so watery. Are you feeling very bad?â
âIâm okay. Just a little itchy and - hitâchew! - ugh, sneezy, I guess.â he took some more tissues and blew hesitantly to avoid setting his sensitive nose off again, Ilya rubbing his back all the while.
âBudâ zdorov, sweetheart. I guess it is a good thing that you have not spent much time around cats.â
Shane couldnât argue with that. âHow are you?â
Ilya looked an absolute wreck; his sclera were tinged scarlet around the blue of his irises, his nostrils red and flaring with the need for release and relief. Some of his curls flopped loosely along his forehead from whereâd theyâd been flung during his sneezes. âI amââ
âYeah, donât even try and tell me youâre fine.â He took Ilyaâs hand and led him out the French doors into to the Pikesâ huge backyard. The brightness of the sun shined down on them, and with how angry their noses already were, they bothâ
âhishhâyew! tisshâhhew! iSshâooo!â
âAESZCHhhh, ESZCHhhh, AESHHHhhuh!â
24 and 81 stared at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing, Shane reaching an arm around Ilyaâs shoulder as Ilya moved to grab Shane by the waist. What a fucking mess the pair of them were. Two big, strong hockey players brought down by the likes of two itty-bitty kitties. They cackled until tears ran down both of their faces and they were left gasping and sniffling and wiping at their eyes and noses.
Nope, they were definitely not getting a cat.
There was a noise behind them, and they both turned to see Hayden and Jackie in the doorway, holding in their own laughter. Shane felt his entire body heat with embarrassment, but he was put a little more at ease when Hayden clapped the two of them on the shoulders and Jackie handed them both pink pills and glasses of water. Ilya swallowed his pill without hesitation, a testament to how bad he must have been feeling.
âIâll take one later,â Shane said, placing the pill in his pocket. âI have to drive us home.â
âYeah.â He felt his symptoms beginning to subside as he continued to breathe in the outside air. âBut Ilyaââ they both watched Shaneâs husband jackknife forward with another cluster of rapid âeshhuhh, ESHhuhh, AHHHshoo!â sneezes ââdefinitely needed one. Bless you,â he called over as Ilya fisted his hands and began to rub viciously at his eyes.
âDonât do that, Ilya, youâll make it worse,â Jackie said, beating Shane to the punch. After Shane confirmed with Ilya that his breathing was okay and that he was just, to quote Shane, âitchy and sneezy,â he sipped at his glass of water and walked towards Hayden.
âIâve got to get us home. Sorry.â
âDonât be sorry, buddy.â
Shane scratched at the inside of his hand so he wouldnât give into his own urge to rub at his eyes. â-snf- Yâknow, Hayd, you couldâve just said that you donât want us to come over anymore.â
Hayden laughed. âI would never, Cap.â
Shane froze, and Haydenâs eyes widened as he realized his mistake. âUh, I meanââ
âItâs okay,â Shane said, though he did still feel a little pang at being called Cap. Nope, he told himself. Thatâs all behind you. Youâre a Centaur now. He forced a smile. âWell, thanks for having us, I guess.â
âHey, anytime. Want some food to take home?â
Shane looked over at Ilya, who was scratching at his nose and flushing red at Jackieâs kind attention. âWe could always take some food home.â
After the two of them went back into the house to wash off their faces and wave goodbye to the cats from a safe distance, they got back into the Land Rover and started on the drive home. The Benadryl was already affecting Ilya, who was getting droopy-eyed as he leaned his head against the window.
âYou are feeling better, dorogy?â he mumbled as Shane got onto the highway.
âIâm okay. You seem a little better, too.â Shane reached over and placed his hand on Ilyaâs thigh.
Ilya closed his eyes. âI hope I did not scare them.â
âThe kitties. With my sneezes. They are so big and loud.â His voice had gone very quiet, like it did whenever he was feeling sad, or insecure, or nervous, or frightened. It made Shaneâs heart hurt.
âYou didnât, Ilya. And you were so nice to Sparkles, you even held back your sneezes when she was on your lap.â Shane had learned over the years that Ilya was very considerate when it came to the people (and animals) he loved.
Ilya smiled as his eyes began to slip closed. âSparklesâŚso cuteâŚwish I could pet her without itchingâŚâ his smile turned a little sad.
âHey, Anyaâs waiting at home for you, you can pet her,â Shane said, hoping to soothe the distress out of him.
âAnyoshka,â Ilya said, and even with his eyes on the road Shane could tell that Ilyaâs happy smile had returned. âMy sweet girl. Ya tebya lyublyu, moy ĂĄngelâŚâ
Shane felt the butterflies in his stomach that always fluttered when Ilya was sleepy and his Russian accent came out thicker. It made Ilya self-conscious, but to Shane, it was the most adorable thing in the world.
Ilya gave a little gasp and turned towards his shoulder with a soft, itchy âhushhhooooâŚâ that made Shaneâs butterflies increase tenfold. He had never seen his husband sneeze so quietly, and it was so sweet he couldnât even stand it. âhushooooâŚhushhoooâŚâ
âBlehh-bless you,â Shane said, surprised to find his nose buzzing in sympathy with Ilyaâs plight; he wasnât quite free of his own allergic reaction, it seemed. âtschhh! tschhâooo!â he sneezed as best he could into his shoulder with his hands occupied by the steering wheel.
Ilya, eyes half open, reached over and rubbed his thumb over Shaneâs knuckles. âBudâzârovâŚâ he slurred.
Shane couldnât help but laugh. âI guess the Benadryl is working.â
âMmâŚâ Ilya yawned enormously and adjusted his head to lean more comfortably against the window.
As he slept, Shane held his hand for the rest of the ride home.
After Shane woke him gently and guided him inside their home, Ilya sat on the ground of the living room and held his arms out for Anya to come close. âMoy shchenok,â Ilya cooed when she cuddled into him, her backside wiggling as he scratched it. âHere is my good girl. She would never make her papa sneeze, hmm? No, no, never,â he said, taking her head in his hands and kissing all over her face. Then he smooshed his face into her chest. âMy little teddy bear. You smell like corn chips,â he muffled into her fur before dragging his head away to sneeze into his shoulder. âhyâAASHHhhhuhh! hAAHHhhhoo! AESZCHhhhuh!â Anya, used to Ilyaâs strong sneezes, didnât even blink.
âBless you, Ilya. Câmon, we need a shower, then bed.â
âDa, yes. Need to get all thisâŚâ Ilya waved a hand in the air as if it could help him conjure up the words he was looking for. ââŚkitty pollen off of us.â
Shane melted anew at the thickness of Ilyaâs accent and his adorable substitute for âcat dander.â He helped him up, kissed his hand, then led him to the bathroom. He let Ilya lean on him as he washed them both off with the best sensitive-skin soap money could buy. (Theyâd learned the hard way never to buy scented body wash. Shane had thought he was going lose his hearing from how loud Ilyaâs sneezes were that day.)
Wearing the matching robes that Shane had bought them for Christmas (monogrammed with their initials, of course), they got into bed and Ilya curled up on Shaneâs chest. His nose and eyes were still red, but he was much less snuffly and irritated. Shane was feeling better himself, but he took his pill just in case. He had a tendency to be a bit sneezy in the mornings and after pregame naps, so he figured he may as well avoid that if he could. He felt pretty sneezed out for the week, anyway. How the hell did Ilya handle sneezing so much so often? It was exhausting.
Ilya snuggled as close as he could. âShanya. You are okay?â
Shane smiled and nodded. âIâm good.â
âSheâs right here.â Indeed, Anya had approached Shaneâs side of the bed for pets before going over to Ilyaâs. âLetâs rest, okay?â
âMmh.â Ilya closed his eyes, and just as Shane began to drift off, he said, âShaneâŚâ
Shane opened his eyes and was lovestruck by the gorgeous, red-rimmed blue eyes staring back at him. âYeah, Ilya?â
âWe didnât eat lunch...â
Shane rolled his eyes. âOh my god, you dork. I brought home some salad for later.â
âBetter have some protein in itâŚâ Ilya whispered a moment before he began to snore.