you better believe

Jon Sims in Season One: a jerk but some people are into that. pulls off the early greying look decently

Jon Sims throughout the rest of the show: why is he so paranoid?? why does he have an axe? why is he stumbling into elias’ office covered in bandages and slime? did he just come back from the dead? where did these monsters come from???? why did I just tell him about my darkest fear?

Martin Blackwood, newly appointed Archival Assistant: Very sweet! Shy! Bit of a pushover but soft, a largely non-threatening lad. Would probably treat you right.

Martin Blackwood, Assistant to the Interim Head: No longer looks at people, just through them. Snappy. Does not attend baby showers anymore, does spend a lot of time muttering about the apocalypse.

Tim Stoker, Institute Heartthrob: Great bone structure, broadly sociable, knows his paranormal terminology. Every new hire is ten percent attracted to Tim Stoker.

Tim Stoker, Institute Spirit of Revenge: has been wearing the same Publishing Weekly shirt for a fortnight. definitely washing up in the staff kitchen sink. tells everyone who will listen to “get out while they can”. every new hire is ten percent terrified he’ll murder them.

Sasha James, Computer Genius: All of Tim’s bi splendor at a slightly more laid back pace. Likes old houses, coffee shops, and pedantry. The IT department loves her.

Sasha James, Computer Destroyer: Smiles a lot. Didn’t she have brown eyes? You thought she had brown eyes. You scribbled a picture of her months ago in your notebook but looking back it doesn’t look anything like her. The IT department hates her, the Security guard hates her, she haunts your dreams with a different face.

Melanie King, Just Employed: finally! A fresh face to liven up the rapidly disintegrating archives. tastefully grunge, enthusiastic, knows her ghosts. an absolute pleasure to have around the institute.

Melanie King, Not 6 Months Later: you saw her take a knife to a monster with no face and as it convulsed she used a stapler to cave in its head. it’s almost a relief when she quits though obviously the ambulance is concerning.

Basira Hussain, Who Works Here Now Apparently: Elegant, spends a lot of time in the library, asks the most interesting questions. Used to be a cop but we can’t all be perfect and it does mean she’s a lot fitter than the rest of the staff. Nothing like someone who can lift a desk to make research nerds swoon.

Basira Hussain, Detective: You tripped going down the stairs and she scowled and said “when the Flesh returns none of you will be able to run from its many arms” before walking away. Has a gun hidden in the break room that everyone pretends not to know about.

Daisy Tonner (Who Definitely Didn’t Go Through HR To Get Hired): She seems familiar, maybe she’s been around the institute before, but you feel like you’d remember a soft-voiced, half wasted woman like her. Moves very slowly and carefully, always with a friend. Still, there’s a sort of magnetism to her? The scars are definitely hotter than they should be.

tfw you and your friend are insufferable to work with bc you wont stop calling each other for every little thing

bonus:

the tonal dissonance of season 2 jon jumping from his Statement Voice into Paranoia Central ™ remains one of the funniest things to me

Jon gnawed on his bottom lip, trying very hard not to wrinkle his carefully put together resume, as he stared at the double doors to the Magnus Institute. He itched for a cigarette, but he was trying to quit and stinking like smoke would be a very poor first impression.

“Right,” he muttered to himself. “It’s just an interview, Jon. Not the end of the world.”

“You’d be surprised what could be the end of the world.”

Jon jerked around, crushing his resume. There was a man just a few steps behind him, decked out in all black, old leather jacket, combat boots, and his long black hair looking like it had been dyed in a sink. An unlit cigarette was squeezed between two fingers, even his nails were painted black.

“P-pardon?”

The man shrugged and put the cigarette in his mouth, but didn’t light it. A bold black eye inked on his middle finger stared at him and Jon stared right back.

“I’m trying to quit,” the man said as if that explained something.

“What? Oh.” 

Jon realized he’d misinterpreted his staring. He didn’t bother correcting him. It was less embarrassing to let him think he was thrown off by the unlit cigarette instead of waiting for his tattoo to blink. Which. Was stupid. Very, very stupid.

“Uh. Me too.”

“You going in to make a statement?”

“N-no. I have an interview.”

Jon dropped his gaze to his ruined resume. Mr. Bouchard had a copy of it already of course but this felt like a bad sign. The man studied him. A little shiver worked its way up Jon’s spine.

“You should skip it,” the man held out a surprisingly well-printed but somewhat tattered business card.

Jon took it, brows furrowed. Pinhole Books. Mary Keay. Another name was scrawled just above the the crossed out Mary.

“Gerard?”

“That’s me.”

“You own a bookstore?”

“…more like an eclectic collection of antique books.”

Jon felt a chill sweep over him, more severe than Gerard’s scrutiny had.

“Like Leitners?”

Gerard’s gaze focused on him intensely.

“Used to,” he said carefully. “I prefer destroying them now.”

Jon crumpled his resume into a ball.

“How does one go about doing that?”______________

Michael: Don't worry, I have a solution!

Michael: [Shakes violently and begins to illuminate]

Gerry: Wh-

Michael: I swallowed a flashlight!

Gerry, not surprised but very tired: Of course. Of course you did. Why didn't I think of that.