live by the sword. die by the sword. fuck by the sword. amen ⚔

party rock is in the house tonight

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

whatever 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance

“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!

theres a new villain roaming around new york that has all the powers of a tapir. give me an hour or two im gonna go google what the fuck tapirs do ill let you know if we need to be scared

OK it seems if you are fruits or berries this is really really bad news for you otherwise youre fine

project hail mary is awesome because how often do we get puppet yaoi. people are shipping famous movie star ryan gosling with a puppet. and thats sick as hell.

always a little funny to me when filmbros are vehemently anti fanfiction but love to discuss film theories. Maybe my theory is that the 2 main guys sucked each other off. And swallowed

i want a perfect buddy i want a perfect bro

i wanna do brofist when you are around

you are the best yo. my sweet smile friend bro

Imagine being Pious Pavel in that fucking monastery and the guy you tried to poison just....tanks it. He goes eugh my tummy hurts and then nothing else happens because this guy has the stomach acid of a vulture. Rasputin assassin experience. Henry has the constitution of a roach and everyone finds this out the hard way. And then the next day he has the audacity to say "hey man did you poison me?" I would be livid.

I love it when people describe something that's too big as "fuck off". like this thing is so large. leave.

blue raspberry is fucked up cause it doesn't make sense but then u taste it and it Does taste like if a raspberry was blue