don't mind me

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

today was single handedly the best day of my life. i caught a cop stealing from the store i work at

literally watched him slide a candy bar into his sleeve and i literally felt like i was on top of the world. i felt like i could throw a car over my head. he walked around the store for a bit after that looking to see if we have any locally made pickles and then when he couldnt find any he was about to leave and im like ^__^ have a good night, are you going to pay for the candy bar you stole :3? and then i got to watch a grown ass pig shyly walk up to the counter to pay kinda just awkwardly laughing about it and was like "whoops forgot about it haha...." and then left without another word. this opportunity will never happen ever again. being able to tell a cop that he needs to pay for a candy bar he attempted to steal makes me feel incredibly powerful

by the time you’re 25 you should know what substance you’re going to abuse forever

chocolate milk

coke zero