FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE

"If someone breaks in dude, you beat the ever-loving shit out of them real hard dude, you beat the shit out of them, Chancho, you hear me?"

"You just beat the shit out of anyone who breaks in!"

translation notes:

First of all: Gaming consoles. All consoles made after 2005 have browsers in them. The 2Ds and 3Ds, Wii and Wii-U, Switch (there’s a free non-modded hack) Xbox and PlayStation, etc. Basically once consoles began being connected to the internet companies for shits and giggles added the ability to go online with them. Older ones (like the Wii-U and DS) are now very outdated and things like Google and Tumblr don’t work but you know what does? Ao3. Like a dream too. Everything loads in a snap of your fingers. Heard Xbox and PlayStation browsers are miles ahead of Nintendo’s too, can even work Spotify, so ask to have that thing hooked up in your room (if you can) and go wild. It’s also the reason why your consoles are also seized during Search Warrants.

Find old phones, tablets, computers, etc that your family doesn’t use anymore and wait until you’re either home alone or they’re preoccupied and go get them, then when they’re done with their task or come back home put it back just the way you found it. If you wipe it down too before you put it back they won’t be able to tell. If it was dusty before you grabbed it drop something like a cloth or clothing items (if it’s in a closet) on it so it will look like it got wiped off when the thing fell on it.

Got close friends who aren’t snitches? Ask for one of their old phones/tech or pay them to get you a burner. I personally didn’t have this option available to me but I hear of many people who do. If you go to school keep it hidden in your bag, or try to hide it in a place you know they never look. Never hide something only in your room either, that’s the first place they’ll look. Get unconventional with it and hide it in the bathroom under the sink or in a linen closet between the towels and keep it powered down.

Phones used at Walmart are only 100 dollars, so save some birthday money and use the advice I gave before.

Now, got “Ask to Buy?” Can’t download apps due to parental controls? No private/incognito mode? I got you covered. This won’t work if you have 3rd party parental control apps that track your whole activity like Bark, Qustodio, and more, but if you just have the parental controls built into the phone you’re set.

Pinterest has many pins that lead to websites INSIDE the app, you can even find ones to Google.com, you just have to search for them or find them randomly. IBISPAINTX as listed above can let you go on there too and any website you want. YouTube Ads will let you go on Reddit in the app as well.

Wanna chat with a friend? Aside from the obvious answer of social media apps like Pinterest, Many apps have built-in chat features you can use that are inconspicuous to parents. A good one for android and IOS back in the day was Kawaii Home Design, but that’s only on Android now. Trivia Crack has a DM chat feature, Monopoly GO used to IDK abt now, Cat Game lets you chat in clubs, PJSK has a chat feature, and farming games like FarmVille 2: Country Escape has a DM feature as well. There are more, these are just the ones I’ve used before. Just go to the App Store and scroll and sometimes in the description the app will say if it does or doesn’t, but if it doesn’t say download it anyway and see. Remember, if your friend really loves you and is able to they’ll follow you anywhere to talk. My best friend talked with me through comment sections for years while I was only able to access the web on my 3Ds, so never underestimate your friendship 😭😭 if someone wants to, they will.