door !!

johnny cash's little brother jimmy pennies is 3 inches tall and has a voice only dogs can hear

two meads in and i'm asking my knight if i can feel how sharp his blade is 🤦‍♂️ i'm giggling and kicking my feet too. should i ask him to press it against my neck or is that too forward

take my ass to torture city where the grass is ouch and the girls are hit me

nope. funkytown again

come on

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

Referring to someone as your “partner” sounds as if you are deliberately obscuring their gender and may subtly out you. “My ex”, however, is entirely unobtrusively gender-neutral. #breakupallrelationships

do you want to play dead bodies with me

floats along your dash face down and quiet and cold

“Larper” being used like “poser” is so annoying bc actual LARPers are cool as hell. Get me some armour and a fake sword too

Trying to sleep during a heatwave is a great reminder that all oil executives need to die painful painful deaths

good suggestion