salmon so tasty it make me eat hasty / when salmon is finished the joy is diminished

LMAO = Listen Music And Overcome

its so funny when british ppl say the letter H they have to wheeze it out like HAITCH but then they say things like orrible and ello.. girl where did the haitch go 

okay

maybe whistleblowers just happen to come forward around the time they're about to die. no one ever considers that

literally nothing funnier than a newly born aquatic mammal realizing they've been cursed to live in water

Crash Bro your Peanus is Licking That Berry

gonna try to get some tasks done today

imagine you're some guy and you're going through the woods one day and you stumble upon a house and the people who live there just give you free food and eventually let you inside and it's like nothing you've ever seen before and the people are so nice and loving towards you and then one day they decide to never let you leave again, steal your balls, and give you a stupid fucking hair cut