A Hot Mess

“character who gained weight to show how they are healthy now” trope my beloved

Coyotes trying their damndest to get domesticated

They coyotes are free you can just take them...

james ortiz is the only person who will see the light of heaven

every day I give thanks for the fact that the performer getting interview and podcast spots to talk about rocky hailmary is a latino gay person who a) has heard of gender and b) knows how to analyze a fucking script. imagine what kind of world we could be living in if they'd recast rocky's voice with an average hollywood A-lister and we were hearing their takes instead. we could be in actual biblical hell right now.

they hate us control freaks for making sure everyone else does things the correct way

never thought the dad was hot before

Tumblr speech patterns really are indistinguishable from Calvin and Hobbes, and I'm starting to think that's not a coincidence

Girls will be like Idk why im so unproductive recently and then you ask whats going on in their life and they list eight lifestopping crisies and then say 'yeah but i should be fine :/ '

fuck. I just had my amazing digital breakfast.

Jesus Christ. I have to call my friends Jax, Pomni, Eel, Ragatha, Kingler, Crane, Zooble, Spiral, Whisper, Whimper, Dr. Curmudgeon, Cryptotheism, Hollow Mile, Randy, Dan Randy, Zooble, Zort, Grindr, Lucky, Fucker 2, Edwain, Sorceror, BattleMeal, Mr Beast, and all of the Amazing Digital Crew to warn them!!!

I'm instituting a new policy of "if I can't easily read your crusty scanned PDF then I'm sending it back to you, telling you to get your shit together and save your .docx as .pdf, and causing snakes to manifest inside your house"

this but also if you are in accounting and you have an Excel file please do not save it as a PDF or take a screenshot of it and then paste it into another Excel file

I take it back whatever you have going on is way worse than what I was dealing with holy shit

yeah no this is a real thing an actual human being said to me

accidentally sent a friend 1kg of starch for her birthday

At Halloween last year, the tiniest little girl dressed as one of the Folk came to my door. There's an increasingly magnificent native beautyberry to one side of my stoop, with its marvelous electric purple berries served up in great tumbles, and she was transfixed by it. She got her candy, I complimented her costume, she started down the stairs, and then stopped, and turned back around. Her: "Are those for-eating berries?" Me: "Oh, you are so smart and clever for asking first! That is such a good idea, I'm so impressed! These are Callicarpa, called beautyberry, and they are edible. Usually they are for cooking, though, to make syrup or jam, and they're not very nice right off the bush. But they are a food berry, and you're so smart to ask!" Her: "Can I...try one?" Me: "If your mother says you may." Her mother, from the walk: "Are you SURE, like, 100% sure. That those are food." Me: "A hundred percent sure, ma'am. I could show you a couple of websites on them, if you want." The Girl: *waits for her mother's nod, then gently reaches out and takes three very small berries and puts them into her mouth* The Girl: *makes an inquisitive face as she chews, walking down the path toward her mother* Me, turning back inside: "Husband, you should have seen this very smart little girl just now!"