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hungwy

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

how-not-to-human

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes

duchesspeggy

My cousin born in 2000 is a licensed psychologist.

shepardoftheearth

that’s how fucked up our world is now

i-am-a-fish

the sleepy -> cozy -> asleep pipeline is very real

makingtrouble

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

makingtrouble

Actually I've decided this is a poem

rocktheholygrail

Happy Jeremy Bearimy Day!

absolutepie

Happy Jeremy Bearimy Month!!

phoenix

Today is the every day you can never reblog this.

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nongunktional

ive never wanted to send a death threat over a game before

nongunktional

tautological wordle answer

nongunktional

minovskyy

posts that make you open wordle

minovskyy

chryza

Oh boy better go try today’s wordle

chryza

WHAT THE FUCK

chryza

the-silly-creature

immediately went to go play wordle after i saw this post

my thoughts:

detrout

ok i need to give this a shot

detrout

that is not a word.

sushiisiu

ily (avaliable as a print in my pinned)

linolinoing

guys pls don't die from the heat i love playing tumblr with you

i-am-a-fish

stretching feels so so so so good I just did it and it was so good. I might indulge myself with another stretch and quite soon

vaguely-human-i-swear

My fish started stretching!

i-am-a-fish

FISH STRETCHING GIF

ramavoite

Puppet History: History Contingency Tapes - “The Professor Answers YOUR Questions!”

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tervaneula

rocky mate bad as hell, statement

datura-45

spaceshipsandpurpledrank

punissuer

ID / TL;DW: young Black man explains the history of voodoo dolls: they originated in England, where Black people where prohibited from learning to read or write, to help witches keep track of what ailed their patients. Eg., person goes to witch and laments headache, they treat their headache and make a small doll (called "poppet"), trying to represent them as good as possible, stick a needle in its head and put it up a shelf. When they return next week, the witch takes their poppet and asks about their headache. If it's gone, they remove the needle, otherwise they know they have to treat a rather persistent headache.

tartrazeen

I'm just gonna freeze-frame this for everybody:

pris-cas

Lesson #10 dreams

By popular demand here is one about dreams!! I’ll definitely do more about specific aspects of sleep since it’s such a huge biological difference!!

Thank you everybody for the countless ideas in the inbox!!

Lesson #1 previous lesson

flopstat

god this fic im writing is so good

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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vile-things

liebelesbe

I love emoji reactions so much. Don't know what to say but don't want to ignore whoever texted you? Boom. Lizard reaction 🦎

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