Yesterday I went to the DBD 10th anniversary event in Montreal and it was fun, earnest, hilarious, rainy, and so adorably positive. Probably the best moment for me was when, during the anniversary stream, Mathieu CΓ΄te thanked players, content creators, streamers, and then fanartists, cosplayers, and finally fic writers for the love they've given the game. Fic was the one and only category that was met with laughter from the crowd - a tiny bit derisive, a little dismissive, but mostly appreciative and knowing - and Mathew specifically paused to say "it's true. You're there, and we see you."
Man I was aglow. There are a thousand lovely things to say about the entire day, the announcements, the crowd, and the whole experience, but that moment was my personal standout, in no small part because the event shared space at Montreal's Old Port with something very dear to me. I took this at the beginning of the day when people were still arriving: my newest love and, hidden behind it, my oldest.
I still have affection for Cirque du Soleil and always will. But it was very very unusual to be so close to a grand chapiteau and for the first time in my life feel nothing. Even a sliver of that tent used to create such irresistible magnetic joy in me that the idea of not visiting would be incomprehensible. I'd want to sprint straight there. I'd want to dive into the river to get myself there that much closer that much faster. At a minimum I would feel compelled to revisit a show that disappointed me at premiere, to check on its development out of love, loyalty, and belief in the art.
Not for Echo. I just can't care. Excepting 2021, this will be the first year since 2012 that I have no plans to see one of their shows. I feel so wrung dry by Cirque that the truest emotional reaction I could summon up at the sight of that tent was to sigh, look away, and turn back to the thing that's actually given me an ounce of love back lately.
Behaviour isn't any better, really - they're just as motivated by investments, partnerships, and the continued ability to squeeze money out of everyone they possibly can. But between DBD and Cirque, only one of them seems to give a fuck whether I show up, whether I'm happy, and what I think about what's next. I've never been directly thanked for my support and specific contribution before - I would never expect to be, not in person, and not by the creator or property itself. But it felt really, really nice, even if it was the only one in a long list of fandom expressions that was met with laughter. The point is Mathieu doubled down, and most of the laughs were affectionate, appreciative, and knowing, like we're sharing a little secret, and we kind of are.
The people I came with don't know I write. They certainly don't know I do it for DBD. But I know at least some of the people in that event crowd of 3k are behind the kudos that have been lighting up my inbox every. single. morning. since January. I know there was at least one person there that heard Mathieu mention fic and thought "ugh, fuck yes, thank god for that one Wesklinger story." That is a crazy feeling for me. I'm stunned by my own certainty. And while Cirque still lingers in a corner of my heart, just like it lingers in the very back of that pic, for now I'm focused on the thing that feels just as grateful for me as I feel for it.
It's a very good feeling.
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