dinner?? i hardly know her!

hoping this will work so it starts a fresh chain.

I LOVE MAKING THESE

this one is more accurate than the last!! ^^

tagging moots if they wanna do it :]

Zuko: Momo's sword is actually a wakizashi, it's too small to be a katana

Aang: wait you can see them

Aang: BUT I FORGOT MY PANTS AND-

Zuko, nodding: and your math test

Okay, this isn't exactly a prompt. But you know the humans are deathworlders tag? The humans are space orcs trope? That one? Yeah.

And you also know how flamingoes actually have pink white feathers? And they only turn pink because of all the red colour they ingest with their food?

Now. Imagine there is a (probably normally poisonous) fruit out there that does that to out hair. And imagine a human being stranded in a place where that grows and barely anything else. Their crew comes to rescue them. They find out how the human crew mate survived. And when they start asking about it, the only reply would be something like:

"Yeah, it was time you came. I was turning into a fucking flamingo!"

Being on tumblr and tiktok has increased the occurrence for random and cursed thoughts for me. So, what if an alien was trying to take notes on the human species and they had mind reading abilities?

~~~

' ' = thoughts

Human - *Looks at a butter knife* 'How many people could I stab with this?'

Alien - "Excuse me what?"

Human - *Continues to butter toast*

Alien - "I must be hallucinating"

Human - 'Is lighting someone else's candle technically arson since you're burning someone else's property?'

Alien - *Doubles back* "Huh?"

Human - *Looks outside. Outside is raining* 'Someone is going to fall and split their head open today.'

I gave it one star for the food, all right? Seriously, nothing’s ever gonna taste the same again. Truly amazing stuff, best I’ll ever eat. That said, it really wasn’t worth visiting Earth. Nope. Not at all. If you want authentic human food, find some restaurant on a travel station or something, one with a human chef. Don’t visit their planet.

Seriously, stay away from Earth. It isn’t reasonable. It isn’t even safe.

No, I’m not kidding. Human architecture is entirely unsound. Not like, “the building is about to fall over” unsound. Their planet gets too many disasters for them to avoid figuring out structural engineering and some rather impressive materials science to boot. I’m talking about safety systems. Everything is so, well. Old.

Like, it’s not actually old. Humans maintain things pretty well overall. But really? Stairs? Ramps? Elevators? Install a teleporter array like a modern species. Seriously. And that’s not even the half of it. They use railings! Not decorative ones or anything, but actual, functional handrails and the like to prevent falls. Ever heard of a safety barrier? Apparently not the terrans. Glass windows, safety rails, nets in a few choice places too. I can only imagine how much the maintenance costs.

And don’t bother trying to go anywhere. You have to actually walk! Or rent a truly awful wheeled transport. No fully automated transit lines, no teleportal network, not even rentable hovercraft. Just wheels or your own body.

And that’s just the basics in their cities! Did you know they just left their biosphere where it was? I know it’s not uncommon for planets to have a carefully manicured, decorative biosphere rather than removing it entirely. But no, that’s too much of a hassle for humans. You’ve got wild animals running, flying, and crawling around their cities. Entire ecosystems of microfauna in their houses. They can’t even tame the plants! I saw things just popping up through the pavement as I walked around.

Leaving a human city is certainly not for the faint of heart. I imagine that in the near future you’ll actually be required to hire a human escort if you can’t provide proof of an exploration or survey certification. Apparently those courses cover things humans consider day to day common sense. Seriously, the real common sense is to just replace your biosphere and relegate whatever you want to keep to carefully curated naturalist parks and museums.

Common sense need not apply for humans, I guess. Because outside their cities? Actual, honest-to-goodness wilderness. Partially or completely unmanaged. Just waiting to kill you. I could understand leaving their oceans alone, I saw the planet from above and that would be an expensive endeavor for a purely air-breathing species. But they have no problems living just about anywhere that isn’t water, so why they don’t properly clean house is beyond me.

Anyway, as I was saying. Truly amazing food. Just get it somewhere slightly less authentic. Unless you feel particularly adventurous, Earth is an anachronistic deathtrap for any modern denizen of the Combine.

I love the whole "humans are space orcs" thing, my favorite stories are the ones where humanity is not necessarily stronger, tougher or better than other life forms, just that we have a very abnormal, sometimes exclusive biological function that the other sentient species of the galaxy have never had to deal with before. The first of these i ever encountered was Adrenaline, and sadly i don't remember where it originated from, but if someone does PLEASE leave a comment with a link it deserves to get teaffic.

The basic concept was that all sentient species died if they went into shock, their nervous systems could not handle it. Then Humans came along and changed the game because we have adrenaline, shock almost never kills us because when we get stressed adrenaline kicks in and makes us temporary super soldiers who cannot feel fear or pain. Or at least that is how most aliens perceive it. The darker side is that humans will put themselves in deadly situations, situations that they initially survive, but die to from exposure much later, they do this because they want to help, or even save the lives of aliens that they have come to care about, aliens who would go into shock and immediately die if they attempted the same feat.

The next example is students. I cant tell you how many people I have seen sleeping on the hallway carpet at my university during finals week. My friend featured here decided to take a nap during study break because we had already studied for a few hours and she needed to rest before we started back up again.