Shine on, you crazy diamond!

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

oh my god the slot machine company says i have to keep putting coins in their machine or Im Gonna Get Left Behind. thats so scary. and it has to be true because they know more about slot machines than i do

oh my god the slot machine company says if we dont give them money to build the world's biggest slot machine the chinese are gonna build it first and win all the prizes. and then there wont be any prizes anymore

just woke up from a dream in which “having a two year old alter” was such a common identity facet among the general public that you could buy like mugs and gift bags etc related to this at any walmart or target

bumper sticker reading “watch out: i’m letting this fucker drive!” alongside the universally understood symbol for two year old alter

used to live in a college town that was huge on sports. 80% of small talk was sportsball and so i developed an Evil Habit: whenever the conversation inevitably turned to the upcoming Big Game i would act excited and then confused. I would earnestly insist they had the details wrong. "the game next Saturday? don't you mean the Thursday after? playing against the [predator species]? no we're playing against the [other predator species]." And so on. i would draw this argument out for as long as feasibly possible, until eventually someone would pull out their phone to prove to me my wrongness. At which point I would squint exaggerated at the screen, slap my forehead in an eureka moment, and exclaim "oh you meant the MEN'S team!!! are they doing a game? that's nice."

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

stretching feels so so so so good I just did it and it was so good. I might indulge myself with another stretch and quite soon

FISH STRETCHING GIF

Tomorrow I will be inventing the wheel