puppies, boondocks

faeries are not real but i wish thwy were so i could spray one with raid

harry houdini to his wife after a long exhausting dinner with arthur conan doyle

i can sense that I am not the only warrior of light in this popeyes bathroom

she butterfly on my effect til i (gravely serious) everything could have been different

i wouldn't have to deal w all of this if i was a tree

Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

we fucked up

i'm having a bad day. someone is going to die today (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) and it's not going to be me. (gets scared someone will report me to the police) people around the world die of natural causes every day. (remembers i want people to think i'm smart) and i know who it's going to be (remembers i want to retain an air of mystery) but i'm not telling.

penis isn't real. pussy isn't even real. the only thing that is real, is the pleasure of combat

Not only did mama raise a quitter, but she also raised a procrastinator, people-pleaser, doormat, coward, and liar, and you can’t put a price on that

obsessed with characters who snapped because their circumstances were so fucked that losing it was literally the sanest response

Job getting in the way of listening to music