True Ultimate Motherfucker

It’s implicit that Hatsune had to constantly suppress her own emotional needs: she didn’t even allow herself to cry during her foster father’s funeral because “she had to be strong for her mother and her sister”. We can assume Hatsune had to adapt herself to her environment, not getting the comfort she needed from her mother and forcing her to constantly search for objects that would provide her with the same sense of security that her mother once did. 

The object of her fantasy was then transferred to Sakiko; but not the Sakiko we know, rather an idealized version created to conceptually fulfill the deficiencies Hatsune suffers since her childhood. The pain of disillusionment is unbearable and deeply painful because there is no secure reality to return to, nor a mother who will welcome her and make her feel capable of facing reality again. The only way Hatsune can cope with her life is by taking refuge in this transitional space between reality and illusion, since accepting reality would mean accepting that her worst fears are true: that she has never belonged, that her very existence is a mistake, and that she will never be able to be worth as much as other people. Because of this flaw in the illusion, what Winnicott calls a “pathological attachment to a substitute object for the mother” occurs, with Sakiko serving as this object. The idea of Sakiko is used by Hatsune to self-regulate. When under distress, Hatsune immediately jumps to “wanting to see Saki”.

Hatsune exhibits characteristics typical of what Bowlby classifies as anxious-ambivalent attachment, having a visceral fear of abandonment and reacting intensely when circumstances or other people threaten to separate her from Sakiko, even going so far as to have aggressive thoughts toward others if she feels they “might take her away from her.” Hatsune does not come to terms with the loss of her mother’s support, but rather denies it. Hatsune exhibits the profile of an addictive style when relating to the object, where the object is necessary for the individual’s emotional regulation, leading her to depend on it. Sakiko is used to alleviate Hatsune’s anxiety and insecurity, and although she has no real intention of harming her, there is a certain level of rejection toward a genuine emotional connection or the acknowledgment of Sakiko as a separate individual with desires that do not align with her own. The desire to possess her and prevent Sakiko from leaving her manifests as an internalized compulsion, repressed by the shame that expressing it would entail. However, we can know Hatsune’s compulsions aren’t her true intentions, as she’s shown to be horribly distressed at the thought of how much harm she attributes herself to cause over Sakiko’s life. Even if she, egotistically, wishes Sakiko was lonely so she would only rely on her, in reality Hatsune is pained by the responsibility of “taking everything away from Sakiko”.

The theme of the band’s masks functions as a symbolic object representing the false Self. Hatsune, using her own sister as her fake identity, presents the image of a successful, calm, kind, and cheerful girl, but beneath it hides a neurotic, anxious personality that fears rejection and, above all, is malleable; Throughout the series, we can observe that Hatsune imitates the gestures and personalities of others in an attempt to connect deeply with Sakiko, but they end up being nothing more than empty gestures that lack the same warmth and affection as the originals. Hatsune perceives and internalizes that these gestures give others the results she wants to achieve with Sakiko, and this very thought leads her to imitate Tomori’s own writing style, trying to build yet another mask that will allow her to secure a stable emotional bond with Sakiko.

In episode 11 of the series, Hatsune tells us her story through a soliloquy on stage. In certain scenes, we see two Hatsunes: one wearing the mask and one without it (which represents Uika, or even her superego prosecuting the id’s wishes). The unmasked Hatsune rejects, humiliates, and attacks the other Hatsune, questioning her feelings, criticizing her for being pathetic, for loving Sakiko, and accusing her of playing the victim so that she’ll see how badly she’s suffering. The feelings of the true Self are constantly rejected, minimized, and repressed through the story due to Hatsune’s belief that her very existence is unforgivable and her sincerity will inevitably lead to rejection. 

(I am. extremely passionate over this scene because it goes to show how much Hatsune internally prosecutes her own feelings and how far she has convinced herself that she is evil and secluded to the role of an unhappy child that has to steal from the happy child, to the point that she is convinced her own sadness and human need for comfort are disingenuous, based in lies or an act she performs for sympathy)

Winnicott also discusses the object relationship and specifically how the relationship with the mother permeates the creative process of every individual. The lyrics of Ave Mujica are composed by Hatsune and generally refer to an unjust world, a meaningless life, and the eternal search for a salvation that never comes. Hatsune often composes melodies about her desire to be accepted, but she also sublimates her aggressive impulses in her songs, expressing how she wishes, for example, to trap Sakiko so she cannot escape; describing how “her cold hands bury what she should love,” or her weariness at living a life that does not reward her strengths and instead punishes her for her mere existence. Hatsune’s dissatisfaction with her family life is reflected in the themes she chooses for her songs and the profound anguish she expresses, as well as the aggressive impulses directed at her illusory object. There is also something to be said about how constant the theme of humiliation and loss of control permeates Ave Mujica’s songs. It is fairly implied that Sadaharu and Hatsune’s mother relationship had a certain level of power imbalance, as he was her boss, older and with considerable economical and social influence. Hatsune might even express her anguish for her own mother in her songs, as well as for herself. Sadaharu exercises his power against both of them to suppress, control and humiliate them, creating a completely hostile environment if they don't behave according to what he wants from them.

While the intensity of Hatsune’s feelings may seem disturbing and uncomfortable at first glance, when analyzed from an empathetic perspective and with an understanding of her full history, it becomes clear that Hatsune is a victim of a deficient environment that, from her early childhood, failed to meet the criteria both authors indicate are necessary for proper personality development. She had to adapt to an environment that naturally rejected her, and her emotional and affective needs were not met within her family environment, which led to an intense, internalized sense of otherness, abandonment, and rejection, borderline personality traits, and an unstable, shifting sense of identity. As soon as she met someone who seemed to appreciate her, she felt so happy that she decided to base her entire life plan on pursuing that person’s presence, even if it meant having to live a life built on lies. Hatsune’s humanity was stripped away by the abandonment and alienation she suffered her entire life as a direct consequence of Sadaharu’s influence, and was later restored by Sakiko’s kindness. Hatsune’s story does not speak of an individual pathology that exists in a vacuum independent of the way she interacts with the environment, and holding her solely responsible as an individual, ignores the influence the social system had in isolating her, ridiculing her, and hindering her proper integration and socialization.

needless to say i am hopelessly addicted to this hatsune