Iām tired of seeing everyone repeat the same four points: ā1) Nani gives Lilo to the state! 2) Hawaii has a better marine biology program than San Fransisco! 3) Jumba doesnāt get redeemed! 4) Pleakleyās not wearing a dress!ā
Those are not the only things that were bad about this remake. You could easily tell it was going to be all that and more beforehand, but most peopleās reaction to the trailer was āitās surprisingly good!ā and now theyāre acting all surprised. If you didnāt see this coming, enough to purchase a ticket, youāre part of the problem and you donāt get the original movie any more than the people who made this remake did.
So Iām done being quiet, this is the Lilo & Stitch 2025 Takedown Post.
And as usual the only good thing about an attempted-remake is that it gives people a reason to think about what made the original so good.
Letās go in order. But just scroll down to the Heading you Care About if you donāt want to read all this.
In this movie, Cobra Bubbles is a secret agent hunting for aliens and they have a new character take his place as the state social worker.
The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With this Change: āWe shouldnāt have a black man or a government worker feel like an insensitive antagonist to Liloās family.ā
Thatās a stupid surface-level one-dimensional misread of the character from the originalā¦and it wouldnāt have been hard, at all, for a child to explain to the 2025 filmmakers that Cobra is not an insensitive antagonist in the original.
Cobra Bubbles is not insensitive and he is not in any way portrayed as a bad guy in the original. Nani sees him that way, Nani sees him as antagonistic, because heās the representation of Lilo being taken away.
But Nani is wrong about him and learns that she is wrong about him by the end of the movie.
Can we please make a list?
Cobraās first interaction with the caretaker of the child he was being sent to protect was that she ran out into the road, yelled at a complete stranger, and dented his car.
Then he found her locked out of the home and threatening the child inside with a hammer in her hand.
Then he found out the stove was on while she was out, and sheād left a 7 year-old alone.
The 7 year-old made comments about being disciplined with bricks and a pillow case.
The 7 year-old looks like she might be more than a little emotionally unbalanced because sheās figuring out how to put voodoo spells on her friends to punish them.
He still gave that pair of sisters three days to straighten the ship. When in actuality, in 2002, under HRS Ā§587-73, (donāt play with me) the social worker wouldāve been well within his rights to remove the child from the home right then. But instead he gives her three days to fix it. THEN
The 18 year-old loses her job.
The family gets a ādogā who he is implied to know is an alien, right off the bat.
The alien is violent and wreaks havoc across town.
The 7 year-old almost drowns while they surf instead of find a job.
He lets the child and caretaker have one more night together to say goodbye, but when heās on the way to get her he gets a call that sheās being attacked by aliens, hears a chainsaw, and finds the house on fire.
Do you understand what Iām saying.
Cobra Bubbles had NO BUSINESS being as BIG A SOFTIE AS HE WAS for all of the original movie. He was not only well within his legal rights to take Lilo away from Nani immediately, but he was actually required by law, it was his DUTY, to remove her immediately. But he didnāt do that. Why?
Now listen to me very carefully.
Lilo and Stitch is a movie about how āFamily chooses to love and commit to one another selflessly, no matter what the other person can do for them or how hard they make it.ā The fancy way they say it is just āOhana means family: family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.ā
Did you catch that? āNo matter how hard they make it.ā
Cobra Bubbles was a CIA agent before this. A CIA agent who saved the planet, by doing what? Convincing an alien race to leave them alone. Oh, he didnāt fight them off? No. How? He āconvincedā them? He talked it out? Sounds like a pretty compassionate guy, for all his tough exterior. How did he do that?
He couldāve picked any animal thatās actually endangered. The filmmakers chose to make him the guy who convinced aliens to value mosquitos.
MOSQUITOS. Creatures that give nothing, only take. Ugly little bloodsucking monsters. Thatās the creature he convinced them to care about enough to save the planet.
NOW do you have any trouble understanding why this is the specific social worker who would give an alien-infested dumpster fire of a dangerous home a chance when two sisters are about to be torn apart?
Do you see that Cobra is just another example of the grace that the movie is always talking about? The love that transforms someone from bad to good simply because it refuses to give up even when it gets nothing out of it? Iām repeating myself because I want you to see why he was a well-done character who NEEDED NO CHANGE.
Cobra Bubblesā character is not an insensitive monster who doesnāt care who his actions hurt as long as he gets the job done. But you know who that does sound like?
Gantu is not in the remake at all.
The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With This Change: āItās going to cost us upwards of 1.5 millions of dollars to design, sculpt, rig, animate, and render a character this big in addition to finding a suitable voice actor to play the part.ā
This is a really dumb choice for several reasons.
A. Without Gantu, there is no āstakes-raiserā to Lilo and Naniās story. The movie has no climax without him. For the first and second acts of the movie, itās about a grieving pair of girls trying to prove themselves to a social worker while the story-equivalent of Beethoven the Destructive St. Bernard wacky Jumba & Pleakley antics get in their way. But when a 40-foot tall alien stomps into their lives and abducts Lilo & Stitch in a spaceship that careens around the island during an explosive sky-chase scene, now you have a high-octane, somebody-could-die climax.
B. Without Gantu, Stitch looks weaker. The climax gave Stitch a reason to come out of the wackadoo puppy heās been posing as and suddenly remind everybody that heās a lethal weapon who can survive thousand-foot drops, lava, and astronomic explosionsāand a giant alienās Thanos-dwarfing fist. Take him out and who do we have as a match for Stitch to go up against, even for a moment, and prove how much heās changed to be willing to risk his freedom and fight?
C. Without Gantu you have no villain to reflect that STITCH is no longer a villain. (So they substituted Jumba.)
But the reason this character is really worth millions is, again, the theme.
I told you Cobra Bubbles was a character who did not put ādutyā or even āconvenienceā or āpositionā over the real lives of Lilo and Nani. He saw that there was love there, and in his own way, he gave it a chance. And even when he chose to take Lilo away, he did it carefully; he gave them time to say goodbye.
GANTU IS THE OPPOSITE OF COBRA BUBBLES.
Gantu is the insensitive, uncaring, unyielding Captain whose commitment to duty turns into rage and cruelty. Not Cobra.
Nani thinks Cobra is walking in a threatening to tear apart their family in a display of government judgement. But thatās what Gantu literally does.
His first reaction to Stitch is to call for his destruction. Without even waiting to see if āit can be reasoned withā like the Grand Councilwoman suggests. Heās merciless. He mocks Stitch when Stitch is captive. And he knows that he caught Lilo, a human, along with him. He doesnāt care. He even suggests that Stitch eat her as a snack.
There are only two other characters who laugh at othersā misfortune in the movie. One is Stitch, the original villain. Then love changes him. The other is Jumba, who made Stitch. Then love changes him. But Gantu never gets changed. Heās only concerned with his job, and with personally annihilating the flaws he sees in Stitch.
Gantu is unyielding, ungracious, and cruel. And heās big and powerful enough to be a test for Stitch to prove heās changed. For the benefits he brings to the story, heās worth 1.5 million and more. But they cut him anyway.
In the new movie, Jumba is a villain through-and-through with designs on overthrowing the Galactic Council using Stitch, and instead of being redeemed, heās sentenced to prison.
The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With This Change: āWe canāt spend money on our real villain so weāll just keep Jumba evil.ā
The reason this is dumb is obvious. They created their own problem, and the āfixā makes the movie weaker, not stronger. But hereās how.
In the original, Jumba is introduced as trying to self-protect. Heās on trial, and he lies. But when Stitch is revealed, heās genuinely passionate about the thing heās created. And he cares about image. He prefers to be called āevil genius,ā and he hates the headlines labelling him āidiot scientist.ā
You have to remember heās part of āGalaxy Defense Industries.ā They had him making weapons of destruction anyway. He just got too into it with his genetic Experiments, went a little insane.
Iām not downplaying the fact that Jumba is evil at the start of the movie. He is. It is evil to be outcasted from society and then respond to that with, āwell, if theyāre going to treat me like an idiot, IāLL SHOW THEM, I wonāt care about anything except my passion for mad science!ā Thatās evil.
But it also explains a lot.
I said it in another post. Jumbaās whole utility as a character is that he knows who and what Stitch really is, better than anyone. He made him to be a monster who canāt belong and wreaks havoc on everybody elseās āplace of belonging.ā Jumba is the audienceās insiderās perspective on what is going on in Stitchās head, at first.
But when heās redeemed, it happens fast. And why? Because thatās how plain and simple Stitch is, as a character. Jumba knows Stitch is a disgusting little monster with nothing inherently loveable about him, and no āgreater purpose.ā So when his disgusting monster is loved by someone? When his disgusting monster is willing to ask him, Jumba, for help? Something totally outside his programming, totally not what Jumba thought heād ever be capable of?
That proves to Jumba, in an instant, that thereās love out there that transforms. And creates a place of belonging.
There were already germs of that, a desire to belong, a compassion, in Jumba after he reached earth.
He doesnāt try to get Nani fired, he offers an explanation for Pleakleyās swollen head.
He claims he wonāt hit Lilo (why would he care about collateral damage?)
He sounds sorry for Nani when sheās upset about losing Lilo, and tries to keep Stitch from bothering her.
My point is, Jumbaās redemption isnāt important because itās cute or because we need to set up the big happy found-family trope everybody loves.
Jumbaās redemption is important because it is just one more PROOF that whatās happened to Stitch is so incredible. The love Jumba finds transforming his monster is enough to transform Jumba, too.
But sure, fine, whatever, make him a soulless one-dimensional talking head. Whatever.
In this movie, Stitch is cuter than he is ugly, and heās half Liloās size.
The Problem They Were Trying to Solve With This Change: āUgly-cute doesnāt come across as well in ālive actionā animation. And all the Wal-Mart moms remember Stitch as ācute.ā Plus weāll save about 15% in rendering the animation.ā
This is crippling to the characterization of Stitch.
Stitch is supposed to be an echo of who Lilo could become now that sheās lost her parents and may be losing Nani. This scene:
Where Jumba points out that Stitch has nothing, and destruction is his only purpose, is the evidence for that. But Chris Sanders, who made this whole story, also point-blank said it. Stitch is a future Lilo, if she loses her family.
So thatās reason number 1 that he should be her same height. But also, practically, no iconic pair of best friends, yin and yang, have visuals where one is smaller than the other. Especially not if one of them is supposed to be disguised as a pet.
The point is, Stitch is not LILOās pet. He is her best friend, her other half. But between the muzzle-muscles they worked into his upper lip and the darkened dog nose and the butt-scooting across the floor, the remake is trying to make him more pet-like in relation to Lilo.
I said this in another post. But Stitch is supposed to throw food to the back of his head like a gatorāhis lips are not designed for forming words. His gums and teeth are supposed to look like a sharkās. His nose is supposed to be too big, stamped into his face. His ears are supposed to be like bat ears, not bunny ears. He hunches forward, instead of bending at the waist like a toddler. His eyes can narrow to lizard slits.
He has to look like he can believably be a disgusting monster. Yes, he can also be cute. But he has to first look like a monster. Because thatās what he really is, in the story. If he isnāt, then LILOās love for him doesnāt look as powerful.
It is easy to love a cat even if it scratches you, because itās cute. Itās harder to love a life-sized spider that keeps knocking you down and eating your prized possessions and laughing when you get hurt. Stitch is supposed to be closer to the second one, so that Liloās love shines brighter.
She canāt look him in the eye for emotional shots when heās that short. Heāll always have to awkwardly be standing on a box or a chair or a bed.
How is he going to scoop her up, hero-style, and leap off of an exploding spaceship with her in his arms, when heās half her size? He could do it: itāll look stupid, though. So they just donāt have that part in the movie.
She can pick him up. That alone is demeaning and again, the visuals are silly. Not what weāre going for.
In this movie, Lilo doesnāt like weird stuff, and she screams when she first meets Stitch.
Thereās no problem that this solves. Itās just laziness and a lack of care about the characters.
I would like to remind you that the original Lilo:
Made her own doll that looks like a shrunken head and pretended a bug laid eggs in her ears.
Makes up stories about a fish that controls the weather and actively deep-sea dives to bring it peanut butter sandwiches.
Has a knee-jerk reaction of using practical voodoo spells on friends who wrong her.
Listens exclusively to Elvis Presley.
Fills baby bottles with coffee.
Believes Naniās manager is a vampire.
Has fishing nets and seashells in her room for decoration.
takes safari pictures of overweight bleached tourists.
meets a social worker and her first impulse is to ask if heās killed someone.
Nails the door shut when sheās mad at her big sister.
Sheās not friends with pound dogs in that original movie; when they first get there she acts like sheās never been in the kennel before, and originally wants a pet lobster.
I know that we all love that little girl they got to play Lilo, but if you were really being objective, youād acknowledge that sheās a little girl. Sheās not Lilo. Sheās a cute little girl.
They did not write Lilo into the 2025 movie. They wrote any old little girl.
You should have known, from the moment she first sees Stitch and her reaction is to scream in the trailer, that THAT IS NOT LILO.
Lilo had a very specific set of characterizations. She was a character with a personality that exploded out of the screen. Every other character in the movie meets Stitch and reacts with disgust.
But not. LILO. Sheās the only one to react to him like THIS:
She is literally not like anyone else. Sheās doesnāt care that heās ugly. Or weird. Or blue. Or even bat an eye when he can talk with all those shark teeth.
From Moment One, Lilo chooses Stitch. She chooses to love him. Regardless of what he can do for her. Regardless of how many times he pushes her over or rips up her house or makes her relationship with Nani harder. That is the number one thing about Lilo.
She is desperate for people to stay, but she chooses to love Stitch even though heās a monster. And she tries to make him better. And her love succeeds in transforming him when nothing else could.
Liloās personality traits all mean something in the story. (I.e. she likes Elvis because sheās clinging to the past, she snaps pictures of tourists like theyāre safari animals because theyāre inherently people who LEAVE and she has issues with LEAVING, etc.) But the thing I think that was so obvious that the moviemakers missed for 2025 is she has to be weird. If sheās not weird, thereās no reason for her not to have friends. And if she has friends, what does she need Stitch for?
But also, Liloās personality in the new movie is just boring. Cute. But boring. Cuteās not that great of an accomplishment; any 7 year-old is cute.
I donāt think you guys need to know this. Itās not just that Nani leaves. Itās that ātake care of yourselfā is the exact opposite of the selfless message of the movie.
In the beginning, Lilo literally argues with Nani after being told sheās āsuch a pain,ā and goes, āwhy donāt you SELL ME and buy a RABBIT INSTEAD?ā
And then breaks down and cries at the thought of Nani wishing she had a rabbit instead of Lilo, later.
Because Lilo is afraid of people leaving. But Nani wonāt leave her. Nani loses her job, her own life, because of Lilo. But sheās desperate to keep Lilo anyway, because she loves her. Donāt you understand? The message of the movie was about self-sacrificial love. A love that doesn't care what I get out of the relationship.
Nani starts it. But you know what, David loves her like that, too. And then Lilo transfers it to Stitch, who shows it off to Jumba. Itās a chain reaction, but Nani is spearheading it.
You realize that when their parents died, Nani already wouldāve been in high school? With a whole life of her own? Her own friends, her own potential boyfriend, a job she went to, surf competitions (the trophies are in her room.) Lilo wouldāve been well aware that that was the status-quo: Nani has her own life. And even a seven year-old can see that that life is being put on hold, but maybe the big sister wants to go back to it, at every turn.
The fact that Nani never does that, never expresses a desire for that, only ever expresses a desire to keep Lilo with her, is huge. Itās the core of the movie.
I donāt think that needs any more explaining.
We could talk more. Like about how Lilo needs to see that Stitch is an alien, because thatās the ultimate test: heās one of the monsters who destroyed her house, heās been lying to her and using her as a human shield, heās a criminalābut she still winds up giving everything up to protect him.
Anyway. My neck hurts and I donāt want to type anymore. But we could talk about the music, the social worker, the grand councilwomanāit just doesnāt matter.
Yaāll had more than enough details in the trailer to be able to not go see this movie because it was obviously going to ruin everything. But instead you chose to make this twisted corpse āthe highest-grossing movie of any Memorial Day.ā You bought tickets because they ruined a perfect movie and slapped together an uglier package for you.
Whatever. It was my favorite movie today, itāll be your Treasure Planet or Tangled tomorrow. Keep riiiight on giving them your money, and keep letting influencers regurgitate the same four obvious facts to you over and over, because they paid Disney to make a talking-point for their content benefit. Whatever.
