Happy pride month everyone!
So, I never thought I'll be writing something like this not because I don't care, but because my experience with pride month is...different to say the least
For me, pride month is not a month to be proud of who I am, in my house and other places I feel like I'm not allowed to show my true colors, and that makes every pride month feel like I'm standing in the corner of a party looking at everyone else have fun while I can barely take a sip of my drink in peace before someone comes and blames me for enjoying just a bit of it.
I'm writing this because sharing a bit of myself can maybe help people who are out but still feel alone/unsupported feel a little bit less alone.I'm nonbinary, but it hasn't been always this way, when I was 12 I started to notice something was not fitting inside of me, since my family was always against LGBTQIA+ people (though I never really noticed because they were awfullygood at keeping me away from learning about LGBTQIA+) I never knew what exactly was feeling wrong about me.
And when I learnt about trans people I felt like that resonated with me, and I identified as a man for a year, when I came out to my parents they told me i was just looking for attention because there is no way I could be a man and not feel like transitioning (with questions like "do you want a dick?" And then shame me when the answer was no), they then sat me down (I was crying at this point) and talked to me about how 10 percent of the population was LGBTQIA+ ("gay" in their terms) and since I was scared shirtless after that conversation I just...stopped, I repressed it all deep inside me and let it all slide.
After years, I was now 15, and the feelings came back, I knew this time that I wasn't a woman nor a man, so at one point I thought "maybe I'm neither" and it made sense for me, I never felt happier in my life, I came out to my friends and teachers, and when I felt safe enough to open up to my parents again (this time knowing it wouldn't be easy, but I still had hope they'd understand) I truly don't remember what happened after I said "I'm nonbinary" I just remember the next day, crying in the arms of my boyfriend for hours on end.
Since then my relationship with my parents has never been the same, and everything I give my opinion on something or I say "I need to tell you something" they freeze or scoff at me, I can't even talk about normal stuff without them giving me a side eye or being mean.
But on the other hand, my friends have been the sweetest, supporting me with everything and giving me more than basic respect.So, what I want to say with all of this huge wall of text (sorry) is that even if you don't have support of your family or community you are valid, even if you are afraid of coming out of the closet for x and y reason, you are valid, I learnt that after years of figthing for knowing who I was, against all odds, I learnt that the only validation you need is yourself, if you are happy, then that's the only thing that makes it all worth it.
Happy pride month to EVERYONE
