the scratch pad

Carb starts your engine, protein keeps it going.

Cookie

Fruit (canned or fresh)

Chips

Piece of bread

Popcorn

Crackers

Easy protein add on:

Nuts

Spoonful of nut butter

Cheese

Roasted chickpea snacks

Glass of milk (dairy or non dairy)

I want to add that I don’t make a habit of this now that I am a law abiding adult, but recently I accidentally did this again. Having been used to having my run of hospitals and walking basically anywhere as a child, I was visiting a friend in the hospital just before covid and I was legitimately exhausted and carrying a coffee cup cuz it was like 5:30am or something dumb, and I went to leave and get to the bottom floor and i’m like “this is not the lobby” and I walked around for a bit and people kept holding doors for me so I traveled through many corridors, and nothing looked familiar, and then I realized every single door was a key card swipe and everyone had mag-stripe badges with varying security levels and I realized I had gotton onto a staff elevator with the staff, who had swiped their card to go down into a high-security area of the building, and people had just been letting me through all these security doors.

So then I had to out myself and be like “Um I accidentally broke into you high-security wing, please show me the door, I’m literally just trying to leave this hospital” and I had to get like searched and stuff. 

And what was funny was that while I was blissfully walking around assuming I belonged, No one questioned ANYTHING and in fact, were violating protocols left and right to let me through, but the VERY SECOND I realized I was not where I was supposed to be and let that show on my face, like three people in the hall confronted me. 

So the take away is, be confident that you belong, look exhausted and like you don’t want to be there, and carry a cup of coffee. It will open pretty much all doors.

I finally attracted the notice of someone who was meant to be part of this restoration project when I came back up from the hole. He quickly came over to ask me, in Italian, what I’m sure were the very normal questions of “Who are you?”, “What are you doing here??”, etc.

Problem: I do not speak Italian.

My brain’s solution: Quick, what language do we speak that’s close?! 

And that is how I wandered up out of a hole in a Roman ruin without warning and began speaking ancient Latin to an archaeologist.

This man’s face went through 15 different absolutely floored expressions in ten seconds, like you could physically see him going through the thought process of “Have I encountered a ghost from ancient Rome? No, ghosts aren’t real. But if ghosts not real, how Latin??? Fellow researcher??? Supposed to be here???”

*Alfred coming across Dick and Jason hanging out together in the study late at night, both drinking*

Alfred, raising an eyebrow: i hope you two aren’t overdoing it, seeing as you assured your father that you would be ready to go to the art gallery with him tomorrow morning.

Dick, grinning lazily: we’ll be fine, these are still our first drinks. we’re just talkin, Alfie, it’s ok.

Jason: speaking of, i have another.

Dick, to Jason, curious: ok, go.

Jason, smile growing: ….the med suite in the batcave.

Dick, jaw dropping: fuck OFF, seriously?!?

Jason: *wheezes* y-yeah,

Dick: WHEN?!?!

Jason, still cackling: bout’a year back, Roy bought me back kinda beaten up and gave me a scan over since nobody else was home. things just… progressed naturally.

Dick, in disbelief: THERE’S SO MANY CAMERAS DOWN THERE.

Jason: *cackling loudly* yeah man- yeah- dude i spent hours after, just- checking and rechecking that i’d destroyed the footage,

Dick: *wheezes, covers his face* oh my gooodddd, littlewing!

Jason: HEY- you said one of yours was the kitchen!

Dick: *breathless chokes* you know- you know what- *laughing* not even close to the worst place for me over the years.

Alfred, pausing: … *slightly suspicious* what are you… discussing?

Jason, shoulders shaking as he takes a drink: come on, what was the worst?

Dick: *snickering* you can’t- you can’t judge me. you can’t,

Jason, eyes widening: where?!?!

Dick: *covering his face, struggling to hold back laughter*

Jason: ?!

Dick: …Bruce’s bedroom.

Jason: NO.

Dick: *wheezes* NOW WAIT- WAIT-

Jason: YOU’RE FUCKING LYING.

Dick: I WAS TWENTY-ONE, I WAS REALLY MAD AT BRUCE AT THE TIME, AND THE HOUSE WAS EMPTY BECAUSE HE’D TAKEN YOU TO A THEME-PARK FOR THE WEEKEND AND ALFRED WAS ON VACATION! SO I BROUGHT A GIRL OVER!

Jason: IN HIS BEDROOM?!?!!

Dick: MINE SMELT LIKE RUBBLE AND SMOKE FROM PATROL! I CHANGED THE SHEETS AFTERWARDS- *breaks down into wheezes* he- god we never spoke about it but i’m so sure he knew-

Jason: WELL YEAH?!!

Dick: *crying* he- fuck we made eye contact over breakfast the monday after- he’s never been that mad at me before and he didn’t even comment on it- *collapses into giggles*

Alfred, gravely: what. are. you. discussing.

Dick: *starts laughing harder*

Jason, also holding back wheezes: aw come on- Alfie- Alfie i think you know,

Alfred: *watching the two fall over themselves, trying to breathe through their laughter*

Alfred:

Alfred: *spins on his heel and leaves*

Jason, calling after him: awww, where you going!?!?