lordy lord fucking christ

be honest am i going to scale well late game?

one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

I am a GUEST and I do not DESERVE to use the good normal cups, I may only use the worst cup you have

Counterpoint, I am a guest and I DESIRE to use the WORST possible cup I can find that you have hidden away

My mother keeps the nicest drinking glasses in the cupboards that have the glass front panels, so that they’re easy for guests to see, and it ends up hilarious because it looks like such a Display Case for Fancy Stuff type setup that without fail, everyone she knows well enough to have visit her will go straight past the pretty drinking glasses so as not to mess them up and open the next cupboard which contains ugly mugs and weird spares and end up drinking out of like, faded Winnie the Pooh sippie cups, or the ancient soup mug that’s shaped like a rooster.

age regressing by 5 minutes so i can remember what i was just asked to do

some birds are very intuitively named. looked up a sparrow going chipchipchip in my yard, it was a chipping sparrow. saw a black bird with red wings, it was a red winged blackbird. gray bird that sounds like a cat? gray catbird. the first time i saw a house finch it was perched on a windowsill. However, some birds are the red-bellied woodpecker

I gotta google something real quick

who named this bird

just because i like something doesnt mean its good

There were some young kids playing at the park today. One of them said “Liar liar pants on fire!” The other one replied “I don’t even care about that. I don’t even believe in that.”

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

*sassy gay friend from a 90s sitcom voice* Well, Mr. Emperor, I wouldn't mind having a 'heavenly man-date' of my own