‎butterfly psyko effekt

every time i wake up in the morning i sigh because i didn't die in my sleep yet because there genuinely is nothing to live for i dont have a future i can't see my future nothing is to live for nobody fucking talks to me nobody takes me seriously because im severely irony poisoned and im notoriously mentally ill so its just routine for me to say i want to die and kill myself everyday i font feel like i have any friends at all my connections feel superficial at most everyone who says they are really arent and i feel like they say that out of pity because they really do i dont feel like imcanyones friend im not likeablr all i do is whine and everyone has their lives with their other friends who they hang oit with and no matter how much i say i enjoy my solitude i hate seeing people happy i hate seeing them hang put andvtalk to their friends andpublicly interact with them i havent made any new friends irl since 2022 my parents have kept me inside since then homeschooled aan all my irl friends have other lives without me so ehats really the fucking point, im not important to anyone and i try to help people in hopes that theyll care but they'll never really do and at times im like if i get worse they'll notice more but they never do and i just bleed out for no reason if nobody sees it so idk im not important to anyone and people just lie to me repeatedly i dont know why

I feel like I wasn't meant to live this life and every time I think about my future it's completely non existent I'm not meant to live this life and it's better off if i just kill myself because there's nothing out there no day feels good nothing feels good my fate is to end up hanging from a bedroom fan while people look at me and wonder what could've pushed me to do it when I wasnt even meant to live this life

I don't feel the need to clarify if I'm gay in my bio I feel like I have a gay aura I don't think anyone could look at me or my account and genuinely legitimately think I'm heterosexual

By definition that is what I'm doing but I just do not like the term "stimming" at all that word irritates me I do not like it