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a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

probably the worst attitude tumblr unintentionally cultivates is "the world out there is completely dangerous for you and no one can possibly understand you, so you should isolate yourself from it and avoid interacting with it as much as possible"

to whom am I squeaking

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

a hoe never gets lyme disease

Bro you definitely added too much soy sauce. Change your name and move to a new city

Just go missing bro it's ruined

(voice of someone about to turn 30) it’s nice making friends. It’s nice to play together and have fun. It’s nice to hang out

every ad: hey, im a candid, friendly, conventionally attractive young adult. money is hard right now! have you heard of gambling?

“the fffuuuu rage face guy is actually the funniest joke” says st peter at he casts you out of heavens pearly gates. you clasp your sweaty palms together. “you mocked it"he said. “you thought it was shit”

eugh..!! pleugh.. cough cough.. eugffh,, bleugjh,,,, ptoo…

I can literally smell hundreds of spiders in this image

the more girls you add to a story the more yuri situations you're able to produce.... something to consider

haven't you heard? it's punk to be a cog in the foreigner murdering machine now