poolside convo bout your summer last night

Considering it's a CRT set up, Aichan is probably accustomed to fighting games... which probably means it's a pervert...... have you seen Chun Li...........

On one hand I want it to be tall like Canti from FLCL actually no yeah I want it to be Canti tall

Lovelace is really cute I should draw it again... I have no idea how tall it is thougj

Not looking forward to that!!!

Ughhh that cooking minigame in Deltarune sucks

I never got detentions at school cause I never got caught <u<

Well I do. I want to be looked at, that's why I vent on my public tumblr, but I hate being looked at. I've been eating less because people (my parents) keep looking at me when I eat. I don't often appreciate comments on things I do because I always feel like I'm doing them wrong. And I'm being looked at. Doing wrong.

That's enough venting for a while. It never makes me feel better it just makes me feel gross. I don't like being looked at.

All in all I'm just also extremely self aware. I spend a lot of time looking at myself, both literally and not. I notice how I act and express myself and change it to appeal to people all the time. My best friends are usually people who are very much like me, I think most of the best friends I've made have called themselves a clone of me or vice versa at some point. This is the most vulnerable I've been in a while, which is probably why all my irls are blocked from my tumblr. I don't like them looking at me like this. They vent all their problems to each other and it honestly kind of disgusts me, a bit. It feels attention seeking and I don't like attention seeking. If I do it it's always undercut with irony. I feel ugly being desperate.

It's like. A weird switch I have in my head. It starts off with me loving that person and constantly suggesting activities together and changing who I am to be someone they wanna hang with. And then the switch flips and suddenly they're the annoying clingy one and god could you leave me alone I'd rather die than have you even look at me. And then the switch flips again. Like, this can happen in the span of 2 days. I hardly ever externalise these emotions, cause I know they're wrong. I think the one time I did was when I was younger with my (now (supposedly) (idk) (he thinks I am, idk if I feel the same)))) best friend where I avoided him for like a month and screamed at him to leave me alone. And now we're like. Best friends. I don't really feel too attached tho I just want to have people to hang out with.

At the very least just to see if they'd notice or care

I'm like. A really bad friend, I think.

Also I feel a bit guilty about this but whenever I'm doing bad I remind myself of friends who are doing worse

But then again it's always ended with me in the right