Brain scrambled egg

The Reblog (2014)

Bahahahaha love this

The Unnecessary Comment (2014)

The Revival (2026)

The “The original?!” (2026)

once my friend made a drink he called turpentine that tasted like every worst college night out rolled into one and felt like getting whacked in the head with a hammer, and I woke up in my own apartment with my phone wallet keys clothes and absolutely zero memory of the night before, and when I checked my watch I'd walked over 60k steps.

60k steps in the middle of the night in heels for reasons entirely unknown to me. what was I doing. where did I go. where did I come from. cotton eye joe. or whatever.

OP went dancing with the 12 dancing princesses pass it on

everyone go home this guy solved it

You know every show that the premise is like “people find out ghosts/monsters/demons are real and are charged with stopping them” appeal to me way more now as a post-graduate not because I believe in ghosts more or whatever but because can you IMAGINE just being handed a job that you don’t even need to apply for? Like just being told “basically there’s this bad thing and all you do is make sure it doesn’t do what it wants” that’s just customer service baby and I worked that for 6 goddamn years! Just TRY getting past “I have a job to offer you” before I can jump down your throat agreeing.

repatriating the artifacts in the british museum except i give them to whichever country has historically been the greatest enemy of the country of origin. there's not enough hate in the world

Robbing the British Museum and then just giving everything back to the British is crazy

I have seen a criminally-low amount of appreciation for the best character in phm: Carl. he's a straight-talkin' security guy with a sense of humour. he's Grace's scientist-minder and biggest enabler. Mr 'we don't have a budget... but hey the sun is dying money'll be worthless if this fails anyway so have at it'. he's bowling with tape and tinfoil in a home depot. he's rocking the sunglasses. he's buying 40 packs of skittles and handing them out to everybody in the building. he's with the government. all of them. he's the layman to Grace's scientist who can provide the outside perspective he needs to solve the astrophage conundrum. he's "Carl, are you sitting?" / "No, I'm standing like a grown man." / "We're fathers." / "Now I'm sitting." he is one of the characters of all time

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

Good Job.

do you think no one else has time travel

Happy one month anniversary to this post that has not allowed me a single day of fucking peace since I made it.

wow if only you had a time machine

Honestly having reached a billion notes I think it’s safe to say that in the Year of our lord 2041, this is the most popular tumblr post out there.

I’m killing your parents before you’re born

:)

Still here, why’d you hesitate @derinthescarletpescatarian

Your mum’s ability to hold up under active gunfire was really hot. I’m your dad now.

Isn’t that the plot of Terminator

Where do you think the plot for Terminator came from?

This is such a classic trainwreck post that has the vibes of a 2014 screenshot posted to Pinterest and then the last addition is just last Tuesday I can’t even

Imagine how I feel

It doesn’t have to

Yes it does.

Of course it has to, it gets a billion notes in 2041

Listen I don't get to decide when the drunk elf that is my executive actually does the functioning but when he does we have a SMALL WINDOW OF TIME before he finds the schnapps again and we're done

yes this exactly

phrase added to permanent vocabulary

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.

i hate viruses so fucking much. literally getting attacked by a fucking shape. a concept. consumes no energy. responds to no stimuli. its only existence is to fuck with you. like fuck offf

Reblog if you don't use Generative AI to write fanfics/original fics or to create fanart/original art.

As we all know, it’s only possible to find meaning in the reading we were assigned in English class

Literary analysis is reserved only for literature class, it doesn’t happen outside of it. It’s just not possible

There’s just no way of knowing why they teach us these skills

This made me smile. Maybe you need a smile today too.

i really like this thing where websites will have separate "log in" & "sign up" buttons and if you click "log in" it takes you to a sign-up screen anyway so you have to click "i already have an account" and then it will ask if you want to sign in with your facebook account or with instagram or linkedin or deviantart or whatever, and if you choose "username & password" it asks if you want to put in your username or use your thumbprint, and once you put your username & password it emails you a confirmation code, and once you put in the code it says "do you want to give us your phone number for future sign-ins? do you want to sign up for facial recognition? do you want to give us your bones? give us your fucking bones?