whatever lives in my head rent-free

- Forgive me, Your Highness, I did not see you. - Your aim would suggest otherwise.

Because every time you see them happy you remember how sad they’re going to be. And it breaks your heart. Because what’s the point in them being happy if they’re going to be sad later? The answer is, of course, because they are going to be sad later.

Well maybe I don’t WANT to work double as hard as abled people!! Maybe I deserve a BREAK!! Maybe I’ve been working MORE THAN double as hard for MY WHOLE LIFE and it’s led me to immense burnout & caused me to develop several MORE disabilities!! Maybe I should be ACCOMMODATED so I don’t have to KILL MY BODY AND BRAIN over trying to do what abled people can do!! Maybe I DON’T have to work double as hard!! Maybe if there’s the option to let me NOT work double as hard, I should have it, because I’m already working double as hard JUST TO SURVIVE!!

When I was in psychological rehab, we had two Nordic walking groups, one fast and a longer distance, the other shorter and slower. Knowing myself, I chose the slower group.

20min into the walk, I'm gasping for air, everything aches and I can't keep up, as well as a few others. Because the group got nearly separated, the fastest people stopped for a while and waited for us. When we had just caught up, seeing the others resting, they decided it's time to move on. We protested, but the physiotherapist who led the group just shrugged and said something along the lines of 'it would be boring for the fast walkers to wait even more'

I'm sorry that my need for a break bores you. I'm sorry that your inability to adjust your walking speed even the slightest bit while I'm desperately trying to keep up, adjusting my walking speed to yours all the way, leads to me being completely exhausted and needing a break. A break that you just had, and that you deny me now.

I WILL !!! I WILL DO THAT

some of my favourite indigenous artists, in no particular order:

Inuit artists:

the jerry cans (esp their album Inuusiq)

beatrice deer

twin flames

Māori artists:

jordyn with a why

Indigenous australian artists:

tilly tjala thomas (i particularly love ngai yurlku nhiina)

kardajala kirridarra (srlsly check out ngajabu (Grandmother's Song))

And one of her own:

Oh and of course there's also the HU and Bloodywood for people who like more rock and metal mixed in:

Darkaside is a Papuan metal band

Shepherds Reign is a Samoan metal band

So. This is a bit about Good Omens, but actually about a lot of queer stories with cynical or outright unhappy endings.

I think people like NG(fuck him sideways with a stick) see happy endings as overdone, cliche, old fashioned, predictable. If you want to be subversive, edgy and cool, you need to have a tragic ending, or an ambivalent one, or a cynical one.

But the thing is, if you're writing a queer story, you're writing for an audience that rarely gets a happy ending. The queers rarely get to live happily ever after in a joyful world. That's why we so deeply appreciate stories that celebrate queer joy. Because it's so rare.

So these (mostly) heterosexual (mostly) men write queer stories for queer audiences and don't realise that for us, we expect the tragedy, the ambivalence, the cynicism. For us, if you want to be subversive, write that happy ending, that hopeful ending, that affirmative ending. We won't expect it. I promise. You can be an edgelord by subverting the queers have to suffer trope. We will all be impressed by your audacity. I promise.

consistent practice opens up whole worlds of skill that you couldn't imagine

making mistakes in the process of learning is not only natural, it is also essential

activities that you enjoy can give you more energy back than you spent on them

Thinking about Stratt--who has such a unique blend of optimism and cynicism, willing to place Earth's hopes in an interstellar mission but approaching making it happen in such a ruthlessly pragmatic way--growing up as a kid in East Germany and living through die Wende and the collapse of the Eastern Bloc is just really politically fascinating. Partly because Stratt herself is so politically fascinating, but there's also something else there, something that speaks to growing up watching protests and upheaval on one side of the Iron Curtain, only to end up working for the extremely international European Space Agency as an adult (and then transition into leading the even more international Petrova Taskforce). In that context, movie!Stratt has seen both human conflict and human cooperation in spades, and I could see it hugely informing her perspective on the Hail Mary mission.

and then thinking about all the people who call her cold or uncaring or clinical about what she has to do to save earth. eva stratt, who had silly t-shirts and vodka and favorite meals stored in the Hail Mary and treated with the same level of importance as the finely tuned equipment and the centrifuge the entire planet relies on for salvation.

and then thinking about eva stratt nodding and saying, “yeah, I’m pretty awful. that’s why i’m in charge” with a neutral expression and even believing it. as if crafting the most beautiful coffin and homage to her soon-to-be dead friends won’t haunt her always.

thinking about eva stratt being the first person on the “eva stratt is a monster” train, welcoming ryland grace aboard and knowing she believed in him more than anyone else.

--

Shapiro drowning in Dubois’ EVA suit. Dubois with Shapiro's suit taped to him and her helmet balanced on top of his head

Grace looking at the camera confused while the core time circle around him like the one girl surrounded by five guys meme

Stratt reclined on a couch looking demure with a coffee mug and using Grace's legs as a lap board for her tablet. Grace is dead asleep, obviously snoring with his mouth wide open and covered in reports. His glasses are on Stratt's head.

Carl walking by the camera with Grace thrown over his shoulder. Grace is visibly pleased and yapping.

Illyukhina walking by the camera with Grace thrown over her shoulder. Grace looks vaguely ill.

Yao passionately doing karaoke with each of the core staff members.

Lamai asleep on a prototype coma bed.

Steve Hatch maternity shoot with the Beatles.

Grace and Dimtri using a centrifuge to make butter.

Grace and Dimitri getting yelled at by Lokken for using a centrifuge to make butter.

Dubois carrying Grace and Shapiro under each arm to the cafeteria. They all are talking like this is a normal occurrence.

Yao hanging upside down from a simulator that glitched with a straight face while Illyukhina is crying laughing on the floor below him.

Compilation video of the world's greatest minds dropping tools, tripping, and running into the glass walls.

Videos of the astronauts defeatedly drifting away from the mock ship in the buoyancy tank after losing their grip. The others are dramatically reaching out for them.

Redell teaching the Russians about New Zealand bombing dives in the training pools.

Shapiro, in formal wear, standing next to a slideshow titled “How I Cloned and Replaced the World Leaders”

Dubois - “My Alien Seduction Tactics"

Grace - “Middle Schooler vs Scientist”

Dimitri - “Using the Incorrect Equipment for Correct Results"

Hatch - “Yoko Ono: First Contact?”

Lamai - “How Not to Use a Coma Robot”

Lokken - “Grace is an Idiot”

Leclerc - “The Ice Age and You”

Stratt - “Things I DO NOT Have Time For”

Carl - “Securing a Home Depot for Idiots”

Yao - “Worst Times to Make a Joke”

Illyukhina - "Benefits of Vodka in Space”

Reddell - “What I Did in 1989”

Illyukhina passed out on top of Dmitri (also passed out) surrounded by a minefield of bottles none of which are for alcohol.

Leclerc looking upset and holding a penguin plushy.

You don't have to have a perfectly clean home before you can do some sports. I know it sounds silly, but this helps me a lot because I often think 'I have to clean up *and* do sports and this and that, my energy is never going to be enough for that' but seeing that I could do simple, short exercises *in a messy home* somehow... is like someone allowing me to do exactly that? I don't know how else to put it.