welcome to my life and my favorite things

Thorin has had entire armies, soldiers that might have actually had a fighting chance at defeating a dragon, turn their backs on him and his people when they needed it most. He watched legions of armed elves turn around and walk away. Sometimes people treat Thorin’s anger like it’s irrational, but fuck, if I was in his shoes, I would be pissed off too. Like, if the guy I had a royal treaty, a contract with had the power to possibly save my entire kingdom, and then backed out at the last second, I would hate him too. like imagine being a young, relatively sheltered prince and seeing someone you trusted to come to the aid of your actively dying people, and feeling the hope leave your body as you realize no one is coming. and the elves were kind of your last hope against a fire breathing dragon anyways? so???? fuck????

(don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming Thranduil for the fall of Erebor. like Thorin, he’s also another flawed character with immense depth, and is also extremely bitter due to his immense and emotionally insurmountable grief. the beef he has with the line of durin is complex and he’s not a villain, though some of his actions are objectively shit.)

(and at the end of the day someone’s gotta take the blame for all those dead people. Thorin takes most of it, because he’s the heir to the throne and is plagued by chronic Kingly Guilt (TM), but like. some of that is on Thranduil’s head too.)

and of course, we’ve got to remember that after the fall of Erebor, Thorin spent years toiling away in human villages, facing harsh racial discrimination, being treated like he was lesser than because he was another poor, wandering dwarf looking for work. he’s learned that true kindness is a rarity, and that anything good comes at a price.

Thorin’s anger is a product of what he has learned. he can’t trust the elves; they’re self-serving traitors. he can’t trust men; they’re cruel. he can only trust his own kind, and even then, not many dwarves are willing to put enough faith in him to help him regain his fallen kingdom. he’s all on his own, with the help of a total of 12 other dwarves, and he’s aware that he’s most likely going to get them all killed in this suicide mission of a quest. he’s prepared to die; he’s had to prepare himself for the possibility of all of the other dwarves dying, all of which have pledged themselves to his hopeless cause, including his nephews.

(small side note: if you take that into account when looking at Thorin’s reaction to Bilbo’s betrayal, it makes things so much worse. because trust and loyalty are such important things to Thorin, and for him they’re hard to come by, and I’m not articulating this well enough to get my point across but essentially I think that scene went down in the Worst Way Possible. because his heart basically got thrown back in his fucking face after giving it away when he found out Bilbo had traded the arkenstone and used it as a bargaining chip. I know I might be pointing out the obvious for some people but. fuck if it doesn’t hurt to think about)

and then this small, unassuming hobbit, at the very high risk of his own life, who will gain virtually nothing if he even survives the quest, is like. yes. I’ll help you.

this, in my opinion, is one of the best scenes to examine when trying to get a read on Bilbo’s character. Because in this scene, Bilbo shows an amazing amount of empathy. Bilbo extends his kindness to Thorin—a virtual stranger, at this point—effortlessly, for the very, very simple reason of “your situation looks like shit from all angles and I feel for you. you asked for my help, and I’m determined to give it to you not because I’m bound by my word but because i genuinely want to.”

like can you imagine??? after literal decades of being treated like a piece of unwanted trash, of being powerless to stop the suffering of the people you’re suppose to rule over, of asking for help and never getting it and constantly getting stabbed in the back over it, after hoping and hoping and having nothing come from it, this hobbit—this strange fussy creature who has only ever known comfort and peace—just. gives you his life and faith. just like that. he just believes in you so easily, decides to help you simply because he has morals and it’s the right thing to do.

and it’s even more crazy that Bilbo does this because Bilbo 1) could die and 2) he has never been outside the Shire and realistically has no reason to relate to Thorin at all, because Bilbo has lived a relatively quiet life free of suffering (save for the death of his parents cough). his response is just pure empathy.

It shows that Bilbo is just. inherently kind, and I think that’s beautiful, because Thorin hasn’t met a lot of people that are just kind to him for the hell of it in the 60 odd years he’s been exiled from his own kingdom. even Gandalf, the person who urged him on his quest, has his own agenda. so do the dwarves that have agreed to come with him. they’re all expecting a share of the gold, and while he has their loyalty, he knows they have their own doubts as to the success rate of the quest.

not Bilbo though. Bilbo’s just along for the fucking ride and seems to be totally cool with it now, even though Thorin knew he was thinking about leaving and abandoning the quest altogether not even a day earlier. From Thorin’s POV Bilbo has just had a sudden change of heart, and decides to keep sticking with the company even though he is clearly terrified.

and fuck. I know that bilbo’s speech probably scraped something raw and bruised in Thorin’s soul. you can’t tell me some younger, much softer part of him didn’t crumple like a wet paper bag in that moment.

and most people agree that Thorin really started properly gaining feelings for Bilbo after Bilbo literally threw himself at an orc to save him, which is totally fair. but I think it was definitely during this scene that Thorin became at least a little smitten with his burglar. (read: A LOT SMITTEN)

none of the other dwarves give a shit, they’re perfectly used to nudity and bathing near others, and Bilbo is by far the most modest and self-conscious of them when it comes to showing skin

But of course, from Thorin’s pov it’s like watching a beautiful forest nymph bathe in the river. mythical creature meant to seduce you type beat

in his eyes Bilbo is bathing in the glow of the sunset, combing through strands of molten gold while exposing a scandalous amount of skin (cough his collarbone cough). AND Thorin can see the tan of his skin through his shirt. and he immediately thinks that this has to be the work of purposeful seduction. Bilbo wants to ensnare a dwarf for a husband by the end of the journey and he’s being painfully obvious about it. how dare he do this in front of people that aren’t Thorin

which is consequently why Thorin is hiding behind a rock as he watches, trying to make sure no one else is seeing what he’s seeing and scaring off anyone that comes close with a well timed glare. and he’s also trying not to come off as a creep because he’s been staring for a bit too long, and the last thing he wants is to scare Bilbo off

but then Bilbo starts humming a jaunty little tune and braiding his hair, as it’s gotten long over the course of the journey and he’s picked up some useful things from the company when it comes to grooming.

Thorin thinks he might actually pass out because Bilbo looks like he just popped out of a dwarven wet dream, singing and looking all shiny n shit

by the end of the night, Thorin’s sitting there with his head in his hands thinking “I must destroy him and his majestic allure. or make him my wife. I can’t believe those are my ONLY two options”

and would you believe it, their dynamic continues like that for the whole journey.

Dwalin and Balin are the first ones to pick up on Thorin’s plight, being his best and oldest friends—but they both have very, very different reactions to it.

Balin doesn’t indulge Thorin because he knows that Bilbo is a hobbit, and a very sheltered one at that. he realizes that their burglar most likely isn’t aware of the inherent intimacy of touching a dwarf’s hair, or braiding, or anything Bilbo has offered to do during their quest. in fact, he’s absolutely sure that absolutely none of the courting rituals Bilbo has performed were intentional, and were in fact blindly stumbled into.

Dwalin, however, is totally supportive of Thorin’s bullshit because Dwalin is the exact opposite of his brother when it comes to subtlety, and he is also physically unable to consider any conceptual alternative to whatever is plainly happening in front of him. he trusts his eyes and his eyes are telling him that Bilbo Baggins is a skilled temptress with designs on his king

Thorin, being delusional: Dwalin I’m being seduced and I think I’m losing

Dwalin, an enabler: I’ve never seen such blatant, shameless flirting in my life. brother he REALLY wants you

Thorin: FUCKING RIGHT?

Balin, staring in confusion because Bilbo literally just took a moment to pluck some leaves out of Thorin’s hair: No????

Balin tries—he really tries—to nudge Thorin in the right direction, to get his king to realize that Bilbo, in fact, is not doing all these borderline courting rituals on purpose. then again, he is an old dwarf and the whole situation is extremely entertaining, and he’s always had a mischievous streak in him. which turns him into yet another enabler—and at the end of the day, he doesn’t correct Thorin on his assumptions. sometimes he actively tries to make them worse, just for the hell of it, because if anyone deserves to have a little fun messing around with Thorin Oakenshield it’s Balin

Balin, teasing: ohohoho, wasn’t it nice of Bilbo to help Bofur rinse the dirt out of his clothes?

Thorin, clearly devastated: this is unacceptable

Thorin: he is doing it on purpose to invoke my jealously. I am ashamed to say it has worked

Balin:….

Thorin: he is a s i r e n

Balin:…….

Thorin: and I’m about to jump into the ocean

and that’s how it is until they reach Erebor. Thorin is constantly like “Hmm yes. Bilbo is a temptation, another obstacle meant to stray me from the path I must take” and everybody else is like what the actual FUCK are you talking about. are we seeing the same person. all of this melodramatic resistance to temptation happens in Thorin’s mind, and only because he can’t admit that he has a crush like a normal person.

Thorin can’t stop acting like a sailor lost at sea, doomed to be devoured by the beautiful creature he covets, and after a few months of watching that every day the entire company is just. completely done

and of course bad boy bachelor Bilbo Baggins, resident single handsome rich man in the Shire, notices the staring. obviously he asks Thorin what his problem is and Thorin panics and mutters something about Bilbo “using his looks to his advantage” and stalks off in a huff. Bilbo is very surprised to learn he’s that attractive by dwarf standards. because he doesn’t know that he’s not and that Thorin is just a special case. fuck secretive dwarves customs am I right?

the absolute worst part of this situation is that Bilbo is actually flirting and has been trying to seduce Thorin for months, but specifically by hobbit standards. all of his efforts have absolutely no effect because what hobbits consider courting is just normal, friendly dwarf behavior. It’s the stuff he doesn’t mean to do that drives Thorin up the wall.

Balin, however, being the member of the company with more than one brain cell, is the only one who sees this. and he’s very tired

Balin: Bilbo. Are you flirting with Thorin

Bilbo, flushing: well, I did feed him a strawberry from my plate today. I hope he doesn’t mind me being so forward….

Meanwhile, Dwalin and Thorin talking at the other side of the camp:

Thorin: Our burglar offered to wash my hair earlier this morning. I’ve never been pursued like this in all my life.

Dwalin: >:0……oh so he WANTS YOU wants you

Thorin: THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT

anyways I’m going insane with ideas for these two. 🆘 please