what if your house was FLOODED and your minecraft pj pants BROKE and you got COPYRITE STRIKE from YOURSELF and your BOYFRIEND wasn’t a LAWYER and you were GAY

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@justaddink08
what if your house was FLOODED and your minecraft pj pants BROKE and you got COPYRITE STRIKE from YOURSELF and your BOYFRIEND wasn’t a LAWYER and you were GAY

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okay but for sure baby shane on his first hockey team got to play on the ice during an intermission at a centaurs game in the 90s. he scored a goal and did a cute little celebration jump (and immediately lost his balance and fell on his butt). harris pulls the clip from somewhere deep in the centaurs archive. he makes an insta post after shane's first game with the cens and includes the video with a caption about tonight being shane hollander's second ever centaurs goal.
ilya just barely manages to keep himself from sobbing in delight at the video.
SOMEWHERE in the depths of shane's messages there is a groupchat called 'our overlord and majesty jane + her servants (the raiders)' where, a couple weeks after tunameltgate, (and ilya seemingly being possessed by a soviet war general during practice) cliff had personally taken it upon himself to have every single raiders player beg and plead jane to take ilya back, for fear of their lives. the chat periodically comes alive during progressions in their relationship ('can't believe roz is whipped enough to move to OTTAWA, man!') and you BETTER believe it explodes after the fanmail video.
insp by the ii react, shoutout to one of my fave genre of dan tweets (replying to ppl thirsting over phil) <3
Hell yeah CLRG!

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shane (a little tipsy) being cornered by a few fans at a bar one night and they ask him what’s the best thing about coming out, expecting him to say something motivating like self-expression and liberation and shane just goes
“i don’t know, probably that i can have ilya’s photos on my phone now :).”
and the whole of non bigot hockey twt just fucking crash out and montreal metros and crowell gets burned at the stake
These tags are my fave
I know that Troy Barrett discourse is so 2 months ago here, but it is kind of crazy how the “advocated for women who had been raped by Dallas Kent” part of his storyline gets completely glossed over by the fandom
Like he isn’t just magically redeemed because he comes out, the redemption arc starts because he’s the only guy on the Guardians who believes Kents victims! In a sport where rapists and abusers regularly get away with it because the baseline assumption is that women is lie about sexual and domestic violence for money or spite, he actually spoke up about the accusations! Troy has done a lot wrong but that was a big deal!
Shane accidentally starts a Centaurs movie club. It starts when Shane is watching an x-squad movie while Ilya is asleep on the plane and Wyatt is sitting across the aisle. When the movie ends Wyatt asks Shane if he has ever read the comic which he hasn’t. So Wyatt starts talking about the comics and what is different in the movies. Shane isn’t a comic book kind of guy, but he does like listening to Wyatt and talking about some of the filming process that he knows from Rose. So Wyatt and Shane start watching movies, mostly superhero ones, together on road trips or on the plane if Ilya is sleeping. Then Shane catches a bit of a horror film Luca is watching in the bus in front of him so Shane asks him what the name of it was. Luca, Shane and Wyatt end up watching it together the next night and start rotating who gets to pick the movie. Eventually Evan joins when Shane invites him to watch an action film he knows Evan will like. And it slowly expands beyond hotel rooms and plane rides. The four of them go to the movie theater together or meet up at one of their houses. Some times their partners join because Lisa is never going to pass up the opportunity to watch a superhero movie if it fits in her schedule and Caitlin loves horror films as does Luca’s boyfriend, but Ilya joins the most. Mostly because he is actually on the road trips, but also because he will join no matter what movie they are watching. He prefers it to be a movie he won’t be interested in because then he will lay with his head in Shane’s lap and let Shane play with his hair half asleep. He always pays just enough attention so that Shane doesn’t catch on. (Shane knows what he is doing).
learning swiss german to read and write luca fanfics is the equivalent of luca learning russian for hollanov fanfics

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Women have consistently earned a larger share of humanities degrees than men, but the humanities constitute a diminishing proportion of the
Women currently earn the majority of advanced degrees in the humanities. This has been the case at the master’s degree level since 1970 and
sources for gender distribution of classics degrees
Archaeologist problems: Women (in the US at least, likely similar in many other countries) currently earning 70% of recent archaeology degrees, but still being forced to listen to some random guy's (uncited and unfounded) sea peoples theories.
Headcanon that baby Shane has a slight accent when speaking English, and it's for a super unexpected reason.
A few weeks post-partum, Yuna decided that their son should be bilingual. Yuna speaks to Shane in Japanese, and David speaks to him in French. Baby Shane catches on extremely quickly.
It isn’t until baby Shane is enrolled in daycare that the staff notices he has a hard time following directions and making friends.
Yuna and David find it hard to believe. At home, baby Shane is speaking two languages and actively translating between French and Japanese. It’s not until a few weeks later that Yuna comes to the realization.
“David,” she calls from the kitchen after hearing David read Shane a book in French. “Did we ever formally teach this kid English?”
And David is sitting there stunned, because no, no, they did not. Sure, David and Yuna spoke to each other in English, and to their friends and family in English when they visited the house, but they never spoke to Shane in English.
They enroll Shane in an English as a Second Language class (which really should be called English as a third language, in this case). Shane eventually catches up and becomes somewhat fluent in English, but he has this slight hybrid Euro-Asian accent when he speaks it.
I keep thinking about Shane just saying fuck it and booking a flight to Boston after Rose. He decided that waiting till Tampa could be bad. What if Ilya doesn't want to talk to him? Out of the blue Ilya receives a text asking if he's home? Ilya thinks he's being pranked. This is a sick trick. Shane is with Rose. He remembers that show with the shitty actor, punk. Shane calls and just says please come to the door.the doorbell rings. Ilya opens and Shane is actually there. Shane apologizes for the last time. Ilya takes a moment. "You and Rose Landry?" "No, we're not compatible." Ilya lets Shane in and they have a very similar conversation that they do in Tampa.
Like Shane just decides Ilya needs a grand gesture and waiting a couple more days doesn't sit right with him.
I enjoy the sex in heated rivalry but it's not the main selling point for me which is unfortunately impossible to explain to people who haven't seen the show in a way that doesn't sound like a joke
"what do you like about the sexy gay hockey show based on a romance porn book with lots of sex?"
"oh well I think the plot and the characters are really great!"
I'm being serious but it gets a laugh every time
I have this headcanon where in an alternative universe Ilya had a moment of insight at the beginning of their hookups so when The Raiders asked where he was going instead of saying he was gonna see Montreal Jane he was like 'I am gonna see my close personal friend Shane Hollander we are gonna eat takeout and play videogames in his house he is my best friend actually.' And the Raiders were like, 'Yeah, right.' But he kept the bit, and every time they were in Montreal, he told the Raiders he was meeting Shane, and the rivalry was just league PR bullshit. They never truly believed him, but it didn't really matter at the time. And When they were eventually at the cottage and Shane told Ilya his plan Ilya was like 'Do not be mad but I have been telling Raiders you are my best friend and every time we play monteral I come to see you to play videogames and eat takeout for years and they never belived me so there is still plusably denibility but if you wanna launch a friendship we dont have to wait or built up I already laid the groundwork.' And Shane is in his head like 'I am gonna marry this man.' So they announce the charity the same summer and the raiders are like 'well shit he was telling the truth.' And since Ilya did lay the groundwork, when the media asks them about Ilya and Shane's 'have been friends the whole time' narrative, the Raiders are like, 'Yeah, he told us they were friends; we just didn't believe him.' Which makes the public opinion on their friendship largely positive but doesn't really change the overall timeline all that much just gives them some room to be publicly affectionate and kind of takes the heat off the fanmail gate bc instead of the public thinking it was an enemies-to-lovers hot sex in hotel rooms 9-year situationship with messy breakups and hookups in between they think it was a slow-burn friends-to-lovers situation filled with yearning and Queer self discovery which is more palatable to the public.

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Even after they come out, Shane is a private person. So is Ilya. And, look, Shane is very happy that the centaurs are so accepting. He really, really has to remind himself how relieved and happy he is about it. He also remembers that this is how locker rooms are. As captain of the metros, the amount of times he had to tell off a player for showing pictures of their girlfriend's breasts or ass to other players was uncomfortably high.
So he really should have expected the question, "so who is, you know, the man?"
"Excuse me?"
"Dude, you can't ask that," a very progressive Young advised. "You gotta ask who's the top. Not the man."
Shane exhaled slowly. He loves his team he loves his team he loves his team.
"That is private," Shane said firmly. "And inappropriate in the workplace."
He was, of course, largely ignored. And while neither him nor Ilya really enjoyed their team, their friends, the internet, and homophobic players guessing their bedroom arraignments, Shane was surprised that nearly everyone got it wrong.
The general consensus what that Shane was the man. His going out outfit was usually jeans and a t-shirt, Ilya's was tight leather pants and a leopard print with four buttons undone. When they drank, Shane got a beer and Ilya either got shots or the sweetest cocktail they had. Ilya was more flamboyant, Shane was more reserved. Ilya liked to bake, Shane liked to grill.
And yes, Shane was aware why all these seemingly innocuous personality traits accumulated to make Shane the man and Ilya the girl. Still, it didn't stop it being generally annoying, offensive, and uncomfortable. Nonetheless, Shane liked finding the silver lining in that this was something just for them to know.
Ilya finds it more amusing then Shane. And, like most things, tries to use it to his advantage.
"Shaaaane, carry my bag," Ilya held out his hockey bag.
"No."
"I can't believe you treat your girlfriend like this."
~*~
"Is it a happy bouquet or an 'i'm sorry' one?" Holmsberg asked as he and the rookies peered over Young's phone. "Get the all roses one."
"That's the most expensive one!"
"Dude."
"Shane," Ilya whined, calling their attention to him. "Why don't you ever buy me flowers?"
"That's messed up, dude," LaPointe shook his head.
"I'll buy you roses, Roz." Wyatt grinned.
"You will not," Shane grumbled.
~*~
"Ah," Ilya winced as he lowered himself on the bench.
"You okay?" Shane asked him. He had taken a hard check into the boards early in the game and, despite reassuring Shane he was fine, he knew his hip was killing him.
"Fine," Ilya said predictability. "Just sore. Will be fine in a minute."
"Hey," Zane nudged Shane's shoulder. "Go easy on him on game days, okay? We need him."
"Go easy?" Shane's eyebrows drew together. "What do you - Oh! No, that isn't - he - I didn't -"
"It's fine, man. Whatever you two-"
"No!" Shane interrupted. "He's still sore off of Richard's check - Not - Ilya, stop laughing!"
~*~
"Doesn't it bother you?" Shane asks Ilya one day.
"What?"
"That everyone assumes you're, you know," Shane gestured, a cute little blush on his cheeks. "The girl."
"There is no girl," Ilya raises his eyebrows and palms Shane through his pants. "I would know."
"Asshole," Shane scoffs. "You know what I mean."
"I know," Ilya smiled. "But no. It does not bother me."
"Why not?"
"Because it's hot," Ilya lifted his hands, over Shane's chest and up to his face. "That people can't even imagine you like this."
Ilya dips to kiss his neck and Shane's eyes flutter shut.
"Makes no sense," Ilya continued, hands roaming down to Shane's ass. "To me, I know this immediately."
"F-fuck off, you did not."
"Oh, I did," Ilya gripped his chin, forcing Shane to look at him. "I see you... those beautiful freckles and I know how desperate you are for it. So obvious. Thought everyone was looking at this boy thinking how good he would look getting fucked. How well he would take it."
"Ilya..."
"Shh," Ilya patted his face. "But I think is better this way. That only I get to even imagine you like this. Only I get to have it."
"Only you," Shane agreed readily, hands flying to the zipper on Ilya's jeans.
"Only for me," Ilya agreed, letting Shane take down his pants and boxers. He pressed down on Shane's shoulders, the slightest pressure getting him to sink down, eyes already heavy. Ilya ran his hand through Shane's soft hair, watching the gold of his wedding ring catch the room's low light. "Only for me. Forever."
cliff and luca exchanging calf muscle massages that border on painful just bc when the calf muscles are sore, they're so fuckin sensitive to any touch let alone purposeful hard touches
the guys hear moans coming from luca's hotel one night after a boston game and they're all teasing him until luca gives one of the guys a calf massage and hes like "oh oh fuck I fuckin get it shit hurts but damn my leg feels better"