Because of what month it is, and because I think it's very important to keep stories, especially that of queer people, I'd like to detail how I realized I was what I am. Just in case it helps someone, even if it doesn't it feels amazing to share what made you realize you were you. I encourage everyone else to share as well knowing that, even in the America we live in, even in wherever else you may be, trans and queer people are not an anomaly, we are just people as well, and we all deserve love, equality and justice.
I am a trans male, I didn't really discover this overnight, it really was a personal battle with pronouns and identity because I always hated the body I lived in and my deadname, I just didn't know how to make it feel right. I think I started with gender fluid because I had seen a lot about it at the time and thought: oh, I act a little more feminine, I guess that makes sense. At the time, that made sense to me, I didn't question why I still felt such an ickiness to being perceived as female, because if I acted in any way feminine, that meant I had to realize it and have it in my gender. Then I considered not using any gender, and was non-binary for a little bit, it felt better than gender-fluid, but it wasn't me. Then I got a book: This Book is Gay, which had the experiences of gay and trans people. I read it the one time under my old identity, and I appreciated it for what it was, but it was when I read it again, really looking at the experiences of the trans men that it clicked to me: I'm not non-binary, I'm not genderfluid, I'm a man, and I always have been. My experiences matched up so well with what the other trans people had described, and as I read, it was less a joking: Oh, maybe I'm a trans male, to a definitive: I am a trans male. Over the years being able to try and live out that truth has been freeing, and living as myself has been the most wonderful thing.
My asexuality was just very straight forward, I never really had any attraction that way, though I definitely could have some romantic attraction, just less, so finding a term for that was quick and easy, but I will admit sometimes I do worry about being asexual and having the potential of a partner, worrying that they may not respect or like those boundaries. I promise that if your partner knows and loves you, they should be able to respect you enough to live with those boundaries, and if they cannot, and if they leave you, its not a problem on either of your sides, it just means you had different yearnings and goals, and sometimes, those don't always work perfectly. Asexuality isn't a curse or something to be ashamed of, it is just as beautiful as any other sexuality.
All the love to all my fellow lgbtqia+, happy Pride Month, lets chose this Pride month to listen to each others stories, detail our lives as queer people and say: We are here too, and we always will be.
