Some Clever Title

no, mother... you should have read my supposed "school field trip" permission slip closer.... i foresaw your betrayal a mile away.... im afraid, mother, it is you who has been sold to one direction

This reminds me of the time I learned that some countries just call hard cider "cider" and apparently a bunch of people in Europe think we Americans are giving our children alcoholic beverages when we talk about drinking cider at fall festivals XD

@catkin-morgs-kookaburralover!!

I think its important to mention that graham crackers really don't have a use outside of s'mores. Thats their only function at this point. I don't think they're even made of graham flour anymore because generally they're soft and a little sweet. Because they're for smores.

You can make pie crusts with 'em

There are a lot of very-very American things that I, a person who never stepped foot in America, am very familiar with because of how wide-spread American culture and entertainment are. I genuinely think moving to America rather than Germany would be less of a culture shock to me.

what order are you even supposed to read this in?

I don’t fucking know my man

normalize being dogshit amateur at your special interests and hyperfocuses. no more autistic savants. yes i am very into that topic no i am not good at it. we exist <3

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture

Please audio on at the end it's so unexpected.

Yeah that is definatly the child of people who decided to do this.

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman

this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.

now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.

on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.

These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.

Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.

This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.

worry not my lord, allow me to unscrew that jar for you. i would not want for you to strain your hand or break a nail. alright. hmm. HMMMM. HNNNGRGHHHHHH. HNNGGHHHH HRRRRRGHHH. AAAAAARGHHHHHHH fucking. squire fetch me my grippy gloves