no, mother... you should have read my supposed "school field trip" permission slip closer.... i foresaw your betrayal a mile away.... im afraid, mother, it is you who has been sold to one direction

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@jasonfox
no, mother... you should have read my supposed "school field trip" permission slip closer.... i foresaw your betrayal a mile away.... im afraid, mother, it is you who has been sold to one direction

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The gang goes to New York
GET THE KNIVES OUT COUSINS
It’s stabing time
Damn it’s been a good run but we really are dying for real once the show ends 😔
an australian walks up to a bar
The number of people in the notes of this post who think this is Americans being weird about BRAND NAMES fascinates me.
In the US, 'lemonade' is not a category- it is not ANY drink/soda that is lemon flavored. Lemonade is, specifically, a drink made from combining water, sugar, and actual lemon juice. There might be other flavor additives, like lavender or strawberry, if you're getting fancy with it, but it's almost never going to be carbonated.
There are commercially produced lemonades, you CAN get it in a can or bottle, but it's easy to make at home and probably a majority of Americans are going to think of the homemade stuff before ever thinking of branded versions. Many restaurants, indie and chains, here make their own lemonades to serve, and may ALSO serve lemon-lime sodas like Sprite, which they would not even think to call lemonade.
The reason why the stereotypical thing for a kid to do to make money in American media is a lemonade stand is that American Lemonade is kind of like Smores in the sense that it's a really simple thing that a child can make with limited supervision. In fact, there's no fire, so even no supervision.
A standard one-serving recipe (in metric) One whole lemon squeezed. 50 g Sugar (about equal amounts sugar and lemon) 240 ml water.
Mix. Serve cold. With ice.
While Spite and other lemon lime sodas are clear and fizzy, lemonade is flat and cloudy and yellow.
Different places will mess with the ratios (some have less water or more sugar or more lemon or something)
A restaurant that sells lemonade will have something like this
Where there'll have lemonade, and then maybe lemonade mixed with iced tea or lemonade mixed with some other fruit.
The point, is that when you ask for a "lemonade" it's again, not them being petty about brain names. It genuinely does not occur to them that you could possibly mean spite. I have never heard of Spite being referred to as Lemonade. We do have Fizzy Lemondae, but that's again, sugar, lemon, and carbonated water. Sprite is Lemon-Lime. It would not occur to an American to consider Sprite as ANY kind of lemonade.
“american lemonade is easy to make, just like smores”
i need you to know that smores are also an american thing that i don’t even begin to understand how to make “easily” as a dutchman
Hold a marshmallow over flame on a stick (you can also hold it with your bare hands if you're derranged)
sandwich between chocolate and graham cracker on both sides with the chocolate facing the marshmallow
the gooey chocolate and marshmellow act like glue for the graham cracker
either wait for it to cool or burn your mouth biting into it\
And Illustrated Guide
I regret to inform my fellow Americans that Graham Crackers are also a thing that only America has.
Basically for Brits, it's a biscuit made with graham flour.
Oh wait, graham flour is also American. It's coarsely ground whole wheat flour. The crackers are thin and crunchy and mildly sweet. They're similar to digestive biscuits but thinner and crunchier and easier to bite through.
This reminds me of the time I learned that some countries just call hard cider "cider" and apparently a bunch of people in Europe think we Americans are giving our children alcoholic beverages when we talk about drinking cider at fall festivals XD
@catkin-morgs-kookaburralover!!
I think its important to mention that graham crackers really don't have a use outside of s'mores. Thats their only function at this point. I don't think they're even made of graham flour anymore because generally they're soft and a little sweet. Because they're for smores.
You can make pie crusts with 'em
There are a lot of very-very American things that I, a person who never stepped foot in America, am very familiar with because of how wide-spread American culture and entertainment are. I genuinely think moving to America rather than Germany would be less of a culture shock to me.

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what order are you even supposed to read this in?
I don’t fucking know my man
The answer to your question is actually “you’re not” - this is only 1/3 of the whole sign, and you need all of it to be able to read it sensibly. But, before you start thinking “oh well, I guess that’s not so bad then” - Here is the entire thing, with a handy guide to show you how to read it.
the word "difficult" just autocorrected to this right before my eyes i feel like i am undergoing forced glindafication
normalize being dogshit amateur at your special interests and hyperfocuses. no more autistic savants. yes i am very into that topic no i am not good at it. we exist <3
they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture
there is a world out there I can’t comprehend
behold, context

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I love every fucking part of this.
Please audio on at the end it's so unexpected.
Yeah that is definatly the child of people who decided to do this.
starting a collection
i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy
reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy
villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman
this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.
now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.
on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.
These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.
Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.
This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.
worry not my lord, allow me to unscrew that jar for you. i would not want for you to strain your hand or break a nail. alright. hmm. HMMMM. HNNNGRGHHHHHH. HNNGGHHHH HRRRRRGHHH. AAAAAARGHHHHHHH fucking. squire fetch me my grippy gloves

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@oh-tobeafrog thank you for inspiring me with this galaxy brain take on my two favorite marvel heroes :)
original post here