no excuse for this

they’re burning me onto a CD tomorrow

dont talk to me or my clone or my shadow self or my reflection or my me ever again

I love being a popular Tumblr user so I can give my failmutuals 10-20 more notes on their posts

people are soooo mean to the color yellow and it hurts my heart like u mean the color of the sun!?!? daffodils and buttercups and dandelions!? canary feathers and fresh butter and the warm glow of light and the trees in autumn???? for shame. joyless.

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

the Terracotta Army guy?

🙄 you build ONE funerary complex with 8000 life-sized statues of soldiers, horses and generals and suddenly you’re “the terracotta army guy.” 🙄 execution.

recent epidemic of adaptations that take lots of liberties with the source material and also, separately, are bad. but then if you say "this is bad" you get hit with "you're just being a source material purist and you don't understand the vision"...like. well actually I think it rules when people do new and different things with classic works. I just think these particular new and different things suck ass.

Something I had to unlearn: giving your character a tragic backstory is not the same as giving them a wound. A backstory is just information. A wound is the thing that makes them flinch at something totally unrelated fifteen chapters later and the reader goes "oh." If the backstory doesn't leave a nerve ending somewhere in the present-day plot, cut it. Nobody needs the trauma. They need the flinch.

i need to show you guys the absurdly saucy pear my parents just casually had out in the fruit bowl like it was normal

if you have enough stressful little driving mishaps in a short enough amount of time , a palanquin with robot legs should come pick you up and take you around for a designated cooldown period. and your car gets sealed in protective slime like a hagfish . or we fund buses i guess

trying to calculate which part of your godforsaken body you should aim to preserve while choosing a sleeping position on any given night

Couples shirts that say "I'm misery" and "I'm company"

I used to set this one for second year undergraduate creative writing seminars on writing science fiction on a double bill with Octavia E. Butler's "Bloodchild" and no-one here gets out alive.

(:3 っ)∋ <- seal