no excuse for this

I love helping everyone rediscover the fact that the opening passage of My Immortal is a parody of the opening passage of The Vampire Lestat and not just a generic exaggeration of the typical fanfic Mary Sue introduction. One of the many delightful goth kid Easter eggs the author planted for the audience.

I'm convinced My Immortal is a big joke, not a legitimate amateur teenage fanfic

my 100% proof of this is how she always spells sirius black's name as "serious". at one point, sirius says something in a grave manner, written in the story as: "serious said siriusly". its my favorite bit

I am also convinced it is a (frankly masterful for fanfiction.net) work of comedic satire. If it dropped today, we’d all immediately know it was ironic but the author was an early noughties trailblazer. The occasional wordplay, the overt references to pop culture mixed in with less overt allusions, the deliberate choice to lean into fanfic writer culture of the time, someone who COULD write wrote My Immortal and had fun doing it.

My name is The Vampire Lestat. I have a snatched waist and a babe-a-licious body. I have perfectly conditioned blond hair and eyes that change like a Forever 21 mood ring from the mid 2000s. I have full lips with no lip filler.

My tits are huge my pussy is wet and my bills are all paid. I am also a famous rockstar.

once i beat the depression and the burnout and the anxiety and the loneliness and the exhaustion and the guilt and the awkwardness and the apathy and the low income and the chronic illness and the impatience and the vulnerability and the creative block and the capitalism and the cruelty THEN you'll see

updated the character limit on the blinkie maker! previously 15 characters, you can now attempt to cram a whopping 25 characters on your blinkies!! certain fonts and font sizes WILL cut off. use your best judgement ok?

so. i just learned that my entirely me-written resume flags as being AI-written by automated HR systems for a few writing quirks and the fact that i followed all the rules of good resume writing, which is apparently a telltale sign of AI use in this fucking hellworld. i've been desperately applying to jobs that i am massively overqualified for for months with no response, not even an interview, and now i find out that at least part of the reason is because some fucking moron decided that following the rules every career advisor has given me for a decade means i cheated and should be disqualified. the ai bubble cannot pop soon enough. what the actual fuck.

"frequent use of action-result sentences. bullet points all start with action verbs. no career gaps." girl what the fuck are you talking about. that's just resume writing advice being followed. i just did what i was told. it's a fucking resume. you're supposed to do all that stuff. what the fuck do you mean it looks ai generated and wouldn't pass basic detection systems?????????? for following the resume writing rules????????????

wishing every AI bro and ceo a very [REDACTED]

listen, sometimes it's more powerful for a fictional relationship to be a friendship precisely because friendship is devalued in comparison to romance. anyone can sacrifice themself for the love of their life. but for a friend? if anything, that kind of devotion can be even more moving than if the relationship is romantic. there's a real dramatic power to prioritising friendship in your narratives sometimes.