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1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

12. name of your favorite playlist?

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

21. obsession from childhood?

22. role model?

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

25. first song you remember hearing?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

29. best way to bond with you?

30. places that you find sacred?

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

32. top five favorite vines?

33. most used phrase in your phone?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

35. average time you fall asleep?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

41. last person you texted?

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

44. favorite scent for soap?

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

47. favorite type of cheese?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

51. current stresses?

52. favorite font?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

55. favorite fairy tale?

56. favorite tradition?

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

62. seven characters you relate to?

63. five songs that would play in your club?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

65. any permanent scars?

66. favorite flower(s)?

67. good luck charms?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

70. left or right handed?

71. least favorite pattern?

72. worst subject?

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

84. podcasts or talk radio?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

88. your greatest wish?

89. who would you put before everyone else?

90. luckiest mistake?

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

93. nicknames?

94. favorite season?

95. favorite app on your phone?

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

The soft touch of a hand on my cheek feels more like a knife to me. And the way a mother whispers good night into the hair of her child as they settle to sleep

seems more of a goodbye.

An I-will-see-you-nevermore.

Goodnight cuddles and a loving touch

were both little things I longed for growing up but never really got.

Now the word hurting is synonymous with love. 

You see, trusting someone hasn't come naturally for me

Every kiss was made of barbed wire

Lips crowned in thorns, teeth as sharp as daggers. Not knowing who to turn to or what to expect.

I embraced that oh so messy kind of love.

The type that leaves me bleeding but begging for more because this kiss will sooth the

sting of your words and if I'm

lucky enough you'll take me to bed.

That is, if my presence doesn't depress you too much.

I love whole heartedly, recklessly and with full speed. Full emotion. I never plan on having to love anyone else.

What would be the point in falling reservedly, saving half of myself for in case this doesn't quite work?

There are no such thing as speed limits when I fall, only speed bumps every so often when I suddenly wonder if I'm too much.

I should back off.

Yeah

it would be better for you if I wasn't here. I'm too clingy or needy,

my lips

bleed too much from the kissing and the only remenants of me in your room is

my blood on your floor.

This time not put there by us kissing. Not your thorn covered lips or weapon-like teeth.

This time the floor threw itself up at me whilst I was already face down and

my arms pinned behind my back, shoulder pulled in so tight I thought it would snap.

I was never meant to be part of that world, of your life.

With numbed right arm I would grab the chemicals and scrub my existence out of your floor

Tomorrow you could say you knew not of me,

Throw the promise rings away if you wanted since

It wasn't always you I saw them on.

I fall deeply and without questioning, at least initially.

It took three and a half years to question you

To question myself it took only minutes.

You see, I was taught love should hurt.

"No pain, no gain" and "love is worth fighting for"

But no one said what these fights would be. I didn't realise that battles against sanity and sleeping pills were somewhat out of the ordinary. You kept me there, half crazy, justifying how every thing I witness was not part of this reality but a little concoction that I made up in my mind

One along with the voices and bad guys

It took me three and a half years to realise the bad guys were on the outside too.