you can never escape a weird little freak that loves you

this was meant to be romantic but now i’m realizing it reads more like. a threat

Are they like..... Yknow.... [Goes to do a hand gesture but forgets I'm a wizard and I accidentally cast Lv50 lightning bolt]

who needs enemies when you have your own brain

you will have coworkers more incompetent than you could even dream of

official boob post

’kill them with kindness” WRONG. Rohirrim‼️🐴 🛡 ⚔️ 🐴⚔️🛡🐴🐴⚔️🛡🛡⚔️🐴⚔️⚔️⚔️🐴🛡🛡🐴🐴⚔️🐴🐴🐴⚔️🛡🛡⚔️🐴🐴🐴⚔️🛡🐴⚔️🛡🛡⚔️🐴

tried to get on the bus today but the driver just tapped a sign that listed his DNI and drove off. wtf. i don’t even ship destiel.

fuck i think i left my arcane talisman of +2 jumping in one of the village’s many random large breakable pots

FUUUCK when you told me to hide the Golden Idol of Divine Resilience I put it on a ledge only accessible with a boosted jump....

dude we are fucking screwed

Having ADHD is so fun because sometimes youre looking for something that you use regularly and definitely put away in a smart and reasonable place and you have absolutely 0 hope of remembering where and finding it. And then other times ur like "hmm I need a some kind of small pointed object. I feel like i remember seeing a paperclip under the left couch cushion a month ago, i wonder if its still there" and it is

"wait but if u saw the paperclip why would u just leave it there?" its the adhd. Also if i had put it away then i wouldnt have been able to find it a month later when i needed it. So. Checkmate neurotypicals.

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?