"you know, i get it," neil said

- peter was very obsessed with wrestling as a little kid, which is one (1) thing that clued may and ben in. they had a kid dead-set on being just like his favourite most masculine muscle-builder guy on tv. he was sure of himself since day one. may and ben noticed. ( @blueretriever )

- may and ben both made an effort to respect his changing identity. they let him get his hair cut short. he got to wear whatever clothes he wanted, who cares? he wants to play with cars and trucks and learn science? absolutely. he’d rather have the iron man bedsheets? sure, add them to the cart. ( @blueretriever @1-800-murd0ck )

- ben took him out for “dude days” without may (while she was working weekends). they’d usually see a baseball game or basketball game, get some grub, come home. peter loved these days. he always looked forward to them.

- when peter naturally starts talking about preferring to be called a boy, they’re quick to adapt. they’d suspected for long enough that the change is easy, for them. “this is my nephew” rolls right off the tongue. ( @blueretriever )

- may was very proactive in his medical care. she fights a lot of doctors and works very hard to get one that will listen, and they’re both celebrating when peter gets his first prescription for blockers. “genuinely i think may wanted to see him have a normal teenager’s life, even though he was already extraordinary to her. she understood that gender affirming care is lifesaving and she doesn’t play about her kid.” ( @blueretriever )

- may gives him t-shots for the first few years. peter doesn’t love needles and at first he flinches too much to be able to do it himself. plus, it’s a big change, and having may do it is just. it’s nice. the support is nice.

- peter was very hesitant to introduce himself with his chosen name in ca:cw because he wasn’t sure if tony had done research on him, and therefore already knew him by his deadname ( @fotibrit )

- tony technically did know about peter having been afab. when he did his research, a lot of official documentation hadn’t been changed yet. but he didn’t say anything to peter about it, because when he showed up that first time, may was very quick to correct him. and tony was like “oh, ok. gotcha.” the kid called himself peter. called his alterego spider-man. the rest of it wasn’t his business to press.

- knowing that spider-man is trans, a binder is added to the first mark of the stark spider-man suit. this is complete with reminders and time constraints for how long it could be worn. it even included a pressure sensor, the binder will loosen under conditions in which the suit detects a lack of oxygen or movement ability depending on external situations. so he’s not gonna get stuck under a building AND have his chest extra compressed. it was all very thoughtful! and entirely useless, because peter didn’t need it. but he appreciated it nonetheless. it is removed for mark ii.

- when peter decides to come out to tony on his own terms, later, tony feels like the most trusted person in the world. he is immediately paying full attention. he’s nodding. he’s listening. he says “thank you for telling me.” (he also cries. peter laughs at him.)

- the spider-bite made things more complicated, when it came to medical care. when peter expresses his distress over this, tony ends up working with several people to synthesize testosterone that will work in peter’s funky system.

- tony also did extensive research in case peter ever wanted to take any other steps in transition. he did find a specialized surgeon that would be able to operate on him safely with his enhanced metabolism and healing factor (if peter decided he wanted it).

- when peter feels particularly dysphoric he tends to go out as spider-man more, it’s a good coping mechanism for him. it’s an identity that’s created for himself that has never been known as anything but a hero. a male hero, particularly. and everybody sees him and treats him as such.

- “as a result [of him projecting his “ideal self” onto spidey] he is very defensive of spider-man when criticized (much to his secret identity’s detriment) or even just gets very very upset when he sees people hating on spidey, because it feels like a personal attack” ( @birds-0fprey )

- peter drags him to pride one year when he goes with may and his friends. tony buys an exorbitant amount of trinkets. he’s collecting stuff with the trans flag on it like a proud parent. peter takes a lot of pictures, and he laughs a lot. ( @1-800-murd0ck )

- tony stark gets wayyyy more aggressive abt transphobes than peter does. tony stark at pride openly wearing the trans flag is quoted saying “i have close friends that are trans, anybody who disrespects them can shove their hand up their ass and fuck themselves” or something else passionately vulgar and creative

- peter would see this trending on social media and text ned that “omg im tony stark’s close friend”

- peter is very self-conscious about spider-man being associated with the black widow. they’ve both got their whole spider-thing going on, he gets it, but it gives him crazy dysphoria. he doesn’t want to say he doesn’t like being associated with nat, though. he doesn’t want to come off as misogynistic. when natasha learns of this, she starts to emphasize spider-man often in public as a spider son, spider brother, etc. ( @fotibrit )

- tony regularly gives him stupid gag gifts as a means of affirming him. cringe t-shirts are a love language, pete. better get used to it. especially because ned and mj join in on getting peter the stupidest shit they can think of. ( @1-800-murd0ck )