This blog is designed to help people with understanding ableism and what really is ableist, but PLEASE remember that we might make a mistake or consider something to be different than what it is. We are not professionals, we're just a few disabled people trying to help people out.
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Send asks and questions about whether a certain behavior is ableist or not. Give an example and why you're asking if you can! You can claim any anon tag you wish!! You can also request for certain mods to answer your question!
Here's an example of what we do based on a real conversation!!
Anonymous: Is it ableist if I don't like being around one specific Autistic person at my school? He's severely disabled by it and does things like yell at people randomly and burp at me. I don't like it, and I've expressed that, but he won't stop.
Mod: Would you be upset at an allistic person for that? Just because the disorder explains it, doesn't make it okay.
Anon: Ohhh, okay! Well, he's also kind of gross sometimes, and it makes me uncomfortable even though I know he can't control it. Is that ableist?
Mod: It's not necessarily ableist, because you'd be uncomfortable with anyone like that. The difference is, most people can take care of themselves but choose not to in that case, whereas he can't. So, it's not inherently bad, but you also shouldn't be too judgemental.
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Narcissistic people don’t have some special secret way of abusing people that no one else is capable of doing.
If a NPD haver happened to be abusive, they’d use the regular abuse tactics every other shitty person uses.
Autistic people can be abusive, but we don’t call it autistic abuse. People with cerebral palsy can be abusive, but we don’t call it cerebral palsy abuse.
Being abusive is a choice, having a personality disorder is not.
I think there's nuance there. Personally I believe disabled is a better word, but you should always ask other disabled folk how they feel. If you're able-bodied, I would personally treat it as any other descriptive word and use it carefully.
is it ableist if i don't include plain text? i don't understand who it's for since my screen reader and my friends screen readers both handle the basic tumblr text modifications
Thanks for your question!
If you can't include plain text because of your own disability, then it's not ableist at all! However, the place you're in seems like a bit of gray area. Not everyone uses the same screen reader--as I'm sure you know--and as such not everyone's screen reader will be able to give the same results. Not only that, but some people (myself included) don't use or have access to screen readers, which isn't helpful for their disability. So if you're able to, it's always a good idea to include plaintext, just in case!
For example, some screen readers might be able to detect this text (this text) and read it normally. However, some might not, and might put out something confusing or just skip it over completely. Some people who don't even use screen readers might have trouble reading that. Including the plaintext makes it more accessible even if the population of people who can't read it otherwise is small.
Hoping that made sense, and that it didn't come off as rude! /gen Have a nice day/night and try to smile for me today :)
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is it ableist if I tend to avoid other other cluster bs because they're constantly insensitive towards me?
let me explain. I have a mix of aspd, szpd, ppd, and avpd traits. a lot of people with more recognized and discussed personality disorders, particularly other cluster bs, tend to be incredibly insensitive to me about this. they often believe their disorders are more important than mine because mine are underresearched, and will often use this as an excuse to break my boundaries. I particularly tend to be cautious around pwnpd and pwbpd because I've had the worst experiences with them and have repeatedly had people use those disorders as an excuse to abuse me, objectify me, dehumanize me, speak over me, hit on me despite knowing I'm taken and aro, isolate me, lovebomb me, etc. this is especially worse because I am a trafficking survivor, so constantly being dehumanized is about the worst thing you could do to me. I fully understand people with those disorders are not evil or inherently abusive, it's just a lot of them have gotten away with abusing me because they used the more recognized pd excuse. I think at least part of it is symptom clash, because of my aspd traits a lot of other people with the neighboring cluster b disorders aren't self aware enough for me and it gets on my nerves majorly, but part of it is genuine bad experiences that all have to do with them thinking their pd mattered more than mine and people agreeing with them for some reason. I can still get along with them, but truthfully, it's few and far between. the main pwnpd I get along with is also a ramcoa victim.
so I guess what I'm trying to get out of this is am I in the wrong for this? I'm not outright hateful about it, although I may accidentally say some tone deaf things from time-to-time in my own private server with my friends just because it's so frustrating constantly having people not take your pd seriously because they think theirs takes precedence. I just need a second opinion because almost everyone else I know are cluster b and have never experienced the specific type of microaggression I'm talking about
Not at all! You're avoiding a community that has previously caused you stress and even if it's "your own" community, your safety and wellbeing are important. You're not obligated to seek out other cluster Bs just because you have BPD, and the fact that you're not hateful and can recognize that is more than sufficient! :)
it bothers me so much when "mental health advocates" are only supportive of the "acceptable" symptoms and disorders...
people who "advocate" for depression but call others disgusting for having trouble showering, or people who "advocate" for trauma survivors but say you shouldnt express your trauma in art or talk about it because its "triggering"...
people who "advocate" for BPD but demonize NPD and ASPD as if they arent in the same cluster...
people "support mental health" until it isnt relatable. people "support mental health" until it cant be romanticized. people "support mental health" until symptoms disrupt life. people "support mental health" until symptoms are noticeable and not easily hidden.
you are not an advocate if you do not advocate for us all. you cannot be a mental health advocate while also talking badly about people with personality disorders, including ASPD and NPD. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you make fun of autistic people who are visibly autistic. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you call the police on someone with psychosis for talking to themselves in public.
if your entire "advocacy" revolves around demonizing more "severe" symptoms or disorders, and romanticizing the "good" and "relatable" symptoms or disorders, you are not an ally. you are feeding into stereotypes.
i have ASPD and NPD. the amount of hate i see in "advocate" spaces is honestly shocking. if your entire advocacy revolves around "helping depressed autistics escape evil narcissists!!!!", you are not an advocate, you are ableist.
people with stigmatized disorders or symptoms should not have to water down the way they experience life and describe their personal symptoms and experiences just to avoid being called bad people. by demonizing some disorders while romanticizing others under the guise of "advocacy", you are spreading misinformation and reinforcing stereotypes. you are worsening the stigma for people who already struggle. you are harming everyone with struggles, because a lot of society does not see a difference of "good" vs "bad" mental illness. to ableist neurotypicals, we are all bad.
you hurt the entire community by excluding your own.
you advocate for all of us, or you help none of us.
I feel like this shouldn't need to be said, but I'm going to anyway. Especially for physically disabled people who can and will suffer physical damage from such a long period of work and a short period of rest.
im not that anon, but "manipulation and hurtful behavior are not symptoms of any disorder". but it is. people without certain disorders are capable of controlling themselves and able to not be abusive. people without certain disorders want to restrain themselves from being abusive, while some disorders simply are abusive in nature. if it doesn't make you abusive, how come i have never met a single person with for example npd who doesn't use everyone in their surroundings for selfish gain, when it is in their nature to fo so? it isn't strange that they do this, because that is literally what the disorder is. people will always want to protect themselves from this, and it is within their right to do so. even if you try to victimize yourselves and call everyone ableist for not wanting to be around people who have a natural proclivity to be abusive.
I appreciate your input, anon, but please take a moment and just think. (not meant to be condescending ^^)
Abuse can be one of two things: a conscious behavior, or an impulsive behavior learned from exposure. (Hence the "cycle of abuse.") A disorder is not something you can choose to have, nor is it something you can control.
It's unfortunate that you've had such poor experiences with pwNPD, it really is. But it's not fair to say that someone is inherently more abusive than others because their brain is wired differently--especially considering most cluster Bs, especially NPD, begin as a coping mechanism.
Which brings me to my next point: people with cluster Bs might be abusive, but it's not because of their disorder, but rather why the disorder formed. For example, NPD is an inflated sense of self-esteem and self-worth to compensate for a gaping lack thereof. If, say, someone was taught through abuse that they're worthless, that they're not good enough, etc. etc., then that's where NPD forms. The person may begin to try to believe that they are not only equal to everyone else but better because it helps them to cope with the feeling of worthlessness. This might lead them to do things like putting others down so that they're better in comparison, yes, but it doesn't always turn out that way.
If you believe in disordered abuse, then you have to believe things like "Autistic people are inherently abusive because of their lack of understanding of social cues" or "ADHD people by default want to cause others harm because they can't focus on anyone." That's not true.
Cluster Bs are, just like any and every other mental disorder, uncontrollable. People who have done bad things as a result of their disorder don't speak for the rest of us. Instead, everyone should be met with care, compassion, and understanding. Even those people who've manipulated or hurt people have their own reasons for doing so, and while that doesn't make it okay, shouldn't we try to understand why someone does something instead of demonizing them more than they already are?
What if the manipulation and deceit are a cry for help? What if someone pushes people away because they're afraid of being abandoned in the first place? What if someone puts others down because if they don't, they'll be left with an all-consuming self-loathing and feeling of worthlessness?
The behaviors you describe are extremes, things that only happen when a person with a PD has no way to cope. It happens because they believe there's no other way that they'll escape the symptoms. It doesn't justify hurting people, nor will it ever, but please, just listen to me.
If the behavior stems from a lack of support amidst the hardship of the disorder, then the problem doesn't lie with the person or the disorder. It lies with the lack of support. And therefore, even if it may happen over time, even if it might seem to happen very slowly, giving a person that support will help. It will eventually lead them to stop the behavior.
Beyond this, anon, it's clearly stated in our DNI that you are not welcome here if you believe in disordered abuse. I understand wanting to voice your thoughts, but the aggressive manner in which you did it as well as the blatant lack of respect for boundaries set for this blog are unacceptable. If you have questions/concerns, please go about it respectfully, as we will only ever treat our community as such.
Is is ableist if I hate a pwNPD and BPD for showing their symptoms of the disorders?
Context: I've been conflicted on this for a long time. They hurt people mentally and idk if it's their manipulation getting to me or if I'm genuinely over reacting. They blame their actions on their NPD and BPD, but I also have BPD and I don't hurt people (at least on purpose). I'm conflicted because what if it really *is* just their NPD and BPD and I'm calling them a shit person for it? I blocked them, I'm no longer friends with them.
So, uh, yeah, is this ableist or did I do the right thing?/genq
Let me get one thing straight first for you: manipulation and hurtful behavior are not symptoms of any disorder. Not saying that to condescend you of course! /gen
However, some symptoms can lead to those behaviors if left unchecked. This is why people should be more accepting of cluster Bs, but I won't get into that right now.
Hating someone for showing symptoms of a disability in any context is ableist, but that doesn't put you completely in the wrong or them completely in the right. Having the disorder doesn't excuse the behavior; it would be just as harmful coming from someone without B/NPD. So it's reasonable to hate someone because of what they did, not why they did it.
You did the right thing by blocking and cutting contact with them, because whatever the reason may be they were causing you harm. However, your indignation shouldn't be solely based on their disorder.
Hope that helped and made sense!! Sorry it took so long ehe
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I have an invisible disability, and I often get rude comments from strangers when I use accessible parking spaces/restrooms/elevators. Recently someone told me “you’re so young, you shouldn’t be in here since you clearly aren’t disabled.” I said “well, cancer doesn’t care how old you are!” and they quickly stopped talking and walked away. In similar situations I’ve said I had a heart transplant.
Here’s where I think this might be ableist. Seeing people’s responses to this adds a little more humor into my life than just ignoring their comments, but I have never had cancer or a heart transplant. I feel like I’m portraying it as something funny or shameful. Do you think my response was ableist in any way?
I'm sorry it took so long to get to this! After a bit of thought, here's my response. Don't say "cancer" or "heart transplant" since that's not your case. However, I can understand wanting to joke about it. Making jokes is still okay, just make sure it's appropriate! Tell them you have an invisible disability and, if you're comfortable, what it is. It doesn't have to be exact; for example, you don't have to say "arthritis doesn't care how old you are," but you could say "joint pain" instead.
Is the term “able-bodied” ableist? I know some people think it is because it implies that disabled people are unable to use their bodies well.
If this is accurate, is there a good substitute to refer to someone without physical disabilities, who is not necessarily non-disabled? I’ve heard the terms “non-disabled” or “people without disabilities” used instead, but both of those imply that someone has no disabilities at all.
Able-bodied is not an ableist term. It simply means that someone's body is able to do "standard" things, just like the word disabled means that someone's body can't do those things. It's not a slight against disabled people, it's an adjective, and frankly as a disabled person myself it makes me really upset when people try to construe everything as offensive. /nay
You could, however, simply say "physically non-disabled" if people are that upset over it.
hi not an is it ableist question but i really need help finding info and i cant between google using ai and tumblr just wants to ask if its legit or not.
What is RAMCOA?
How do you find signs of a handler/being in a cult?
I ask because i wonder.. i do have a friend who has experienced both of these, but i rather not risk triggering/upsetting them by asking them personally.
Thank you so much !! /gen
RAMCOA stands for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse. Heavy heavy trigger warning ahead my lovelies!
First off, I think you're misunderstanding what a handler is, let me clear that up just in case! A handler is someone, usually in human trafficking circles, though it can be elsewhere, who does things to program young people. I can give you more information on programming privately if you'd like, but basically it's repeated torture and abuse with the intent of creating dissociated states that respond to certain stimuli to carry out tasks.
There's unfortunately not really much you can do to tell whether someone's been through RAMCOA because each person's experience is unique. However, the best thing you can do for your friend is do research (a great way to find resources is to simply search "ramcoa resources carrd" as a starting point, it provides resources as well!) and try to avoid triggering topics like cults, human trafficking, etc.
If you accidentally step on a cue word (a trigger word to carry out a program), or anything similar, you'll probably be able to tell, and usually the program in question will cause them to seek to hurt themselves or someone else, go back to their abuser, say everything on their mind, say nothing at all, shut down, etc. If this happens, make a note of what you did and make sure to avoid it in the future. The most random words can be triggers for someone, but not everyone who's been through it will have the same cues. Try to help them calm down and if they try to leave, don't try to keep them in place, but do NOT leave them alone. Follow them, stay with them, etc.
Also, remember that every experience is different. Not every victim will have been in a cult, not every victim will be programmed, not every victim will even be a system! The best thing you can do for your friend is to actually try not to dig up information. They'll likely have amnesia barriers, and those are there for a reason--to protect them. Just be a source of support and understanding and they'll open up to you eventually if they need to :)
Tw: mentions of g0re, NSFW, and others. But very briefly and only once.
Am I ableist for telling a person that they needed to get away from non-safe spaces and also teling them that they needed to get help?
This is very long story that very impacted me mentally at the time, I was eleven, close to turning 12, the other person was 15/16
Soo, making it short, they had envited me to a very problematic discord erver ( in my opinion) considering that g0re and NSFW content was pretty normal in that space (the server was for minors and made by a minor) at that time I didn't understood very well the problems of being in a server like that, but I was very very young, also the age minimum limit was 13, they told me to lie my age to get in the server
( I also already knew at that time that they were very mentally ill)
Also, they were always getting into fights and discussions in this other server ( that was, btw the server we meet eachother! ) once they got into a discussion there and went to their server to vent about it
I told them "I believe that some servers you are in are not doing well for your mental health" I also said that I thought they may needed to get profissional help and that would help them a lot, considering how hard things had been for that person at the time
They got very mad at me for saying that, calling me sick and other words for saying that they were "disturbed in the head"
I tried to explain that it wasn't what , but they didn't listened, and banned me from their server + blocked me
Weeks later, they messaged me saying that at the time they were non medicated, and that caused all the harsh emotions, and that also their server had turned 10x more problematic
( not with those words exactly, but yeah the way they described it really made it sound bad.)
It was a very difficult situation, considerating we were both pretty young
Sorry for any spelling mistakes. This is also quite a old situation, I don't have any way to interact with this person at the present, not that I'm planning to.
Telling someone they need help, while it may be hurtful, is probably one of the least ableist things you can possibly do to someone. Of course, that's not without its nuance, but you seem like you were coming from a place of genuine care and concern for this person. You had good intentions and they couldn't see that, and even if you hurt their feelings it was ultimately for the better.
Trigger warning for attempted suicide ahead. If you'd rather not read it, I'll sign off here: hope this helps, and I hope things get better!
In middle school my friend tried to kill himself. He told me one day that after school he was going to kiss his 9mm and kiss this life goodbye. Obviously, I told the school, because I didn't want to lose him, and because I wanted him to have a better life than he did. I knew that couldn't happen if he was dead, and I knew that couldn't happen if he continued to suffer in silence without telling anyone what was going on. So I told the school of his plans and of the fact that he'd been telling me everything that led to him planning it. Long story short, he had to be home from school for a week so that he could be monitored and made sure he wouldn't do anything. When he returned to school, he hated me. He was genuinely and deeply angry with me because I had ruined his plans. It's understandable of him to have been upset with me, but was what I did wrong? No. We, like you and the person you were talking about, don't have any contact anymore. But when we did, I was worried about him, and so I acted out of care and concern, not malice and contempt.
That's my experience, anyway. Your friend(?) might be a bit different, but I'm hoping this was helpful.
Hi! I'm this anon! Respectfully (/gen) this is not what I was asking. I was asking if my opinion on typing quirks (them not being *inherently* ableist) was ableist.
This ask was not sent in mean spirit, I just figured I'd clarify and ask for an answer to my clarification, though, of course, you don't have to.
Oh! I'm so sorry anon! Truth be told I've had this exact same question before so I have no idea why it flew over my head like that 😭😭
This has similar wording and explanation at first but I'm actually focusing on the right part of the question this time haha so be warned.
No, that's not ableist at all either! Typing quirks are, more often than not, something someone can't help. Even if they make things hard for some, it's just another part of life--and yeah, it's hard to understand if there's no plaintext provided, which is what I meant to say previously, but typing quirks just existing isn't ableist. Especially if they're because of a disability. I've noticed that a lot of individuals, including members of our own sys, have reason behind their typing quirks that they can't exactly get rid of. Trauma, a coping mechanism, even something like Autism or dyslexia. I've seen all of those and more being reasons for people using them! And for some people, it just feels more "right" to them.
There's nothing wrong with that, and I would say, the only point at which it does become ableism is when they outright refuse to provide plaintext, whether that be provided by themself or someone else.
I hope this answered your question, anon! If not, please, feel free to send in another ask, and try your luck requesting another mod! Hoping this helps, have a nice day/night ^^
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Is it ableist if I think, as a dyslexic, autistic system, that typing quirks aren't *inherently* bad, as long as translated properly? Like, translated text before the typing quirk?
Not at all!
While most people can't help their typing quirks, it's normal to want or need translated text, especially if you use a screen reader! In fact, it's more ableist of someone to refuse to provide the translated text at all than for you to ask for it!
Am I ableist if I a lot of people I find annoying happen to be autistic?
It's not that I think that all autistic people are annoying, or that autistic traits or people are intrinsically annoying, I have just met autistic people and have seen autistic coded characters and found them annoying.
Idk if I'm explaining this well, and if this does make me ableist then I'm sorry and I promise to work on myself and that perception.
Not at all! You don't find them annoying BECAUSE they're autistic, you just find them annoying and they happen to be autistic! As long as you're still nice and respectful, then there's nothing wrong here :)
