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Daily affirmations: My fluids are mine. No witches can take them from me. They belong to me and will remain in my body. All the witches are jealous that they don't have my fluids, but they will never have them. Their spells and potions will be failures without my fluids, and I will laugh at them. Thank you to my body for giving me such wonderful fluids.

$0/$201

[YOUR ATTEMPT TO HEX ME BOUNCES HARMLESSLY OFF THE FULL GAMBESON I MADE OUT OF CRYSTALS AND HOTGLUE AND WORE TO THE DMV FOR THIS SPECIFIC REASON]

If you think evil thoughts and concentrate real hard you can manifest them as purple orbs. You can throw them at enemies, to inflict a poison damage over time effect.

BABE CAN YOU PUT DOWN THE CRYSTALS YOUR PUSSY AURA IS MAKING THE WIFI SLOW

don’t listen to her king, your ass is fat, your wizard hat is massive, and your spells are magnificent 

It’s SO obvious that some of y’all are incredibly mad that my wizard hat is bigger and supremely balanced.

okay… i can still see the folds on your wizard robe… iron it.

Now I know you ain’t talking with ya dusty ass grimoire. That bad boy is held together with scotch tape, spit, and faith. Helpful hint: you want the spines of your enemies to break, not your magical tomes.

no cause it’s really cute hearing that from you when last i checked your grimoire isn’t being passed down from generation to generation. i know you got it from walmart with your dollar store lookin ass staff. you can keep your hint.

this is the dumbest post I’ve ever seen I love it

theyre called “potions”, look it up

[image description: two gifs of a gold mobile with gemstones hanging from it. in the centre is a large pink crystal. the mobile spins and light reflects off of the crystals, causing rainbows to dance around the room. end id.]