mrs obama it's been an honor

they sell items at tjmaxx that even God is not aware of

my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m

this post is like five posts per post

sometimes i see an opinion i disagree with, and from a combination of wanting to keep up appearances, avoid flak, and cut to the heart of the issue, i draft a series of increasingly abstract responses, eventually culminating in typing out "falsehoods aren't true", which, in a perfect act of autofellatio, deletes itself

The Fresno Nightcrawlers and Amongus crewmen are divergent evolutionary paths of the same animal.

Most velvet worms are social by the way and form multi generational packs where the largest females are in charge and share food with all the babies 🙂

avoidance is lowkey funny because it’s like i don’t want love on the off chance that it gets taken away from me and then i have to become john wick or something

We are monitoring the situation

I. What?

so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone's blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it's just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else's apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch

reblog if i can wander into your apartment (blog) and make myself lunch (like and reblog as if it's my dash)