a fandom sideblog

during the literal YEARS of not knowing he could potentially kill shane? NO

THE ALLERGIES WAITED UNTIL HE FELT SAFE

he had fries or something while he was out at a bar with the team and didn't think about it because he didn't order them and was just absentmindedly grazing from the plate that got shared, but he goes home to shane, kiss kiss, starting to strip, and then shane just *increasingly frequent pauses to try and clear his throat* *realization about what's happening*

Shane is SIMULTANEOUSLY fussing over something big with Ilya that Ilya REFUSES to acknowledge as being a big deal.

It just NEEDS to be stressed that Shane is NOT A CHILL PERSON AT ALL. He and Ilya WILL be nagging each other AT THE SAME TIME while refusing to make a Thing out of their OWN issues.

you get it

"did you call your doctor to get a new epipen before yours expires?"

"I don't know ilya, did you let galina know you need to adjust the dosage on your meds?"

Hi baby bug!

Yes I love this idea! I think Ilya and Shane would love caring for each other like that. Like Shane is doing Ilya’s curly hair routine for him, in the shower and then Ilya sat between his legs on the floor, Shane at the edge of the bed, working his products into his hair with careful scrunched and rolls of his fingers to seperate them out.

Shane prefers Ilya mostly ungroomed, likes his thick snail trail and pubes and Ilya doesn’t mind, he’ll keep himself however Shane likes, but Shane will happily be the one to trim him for a bit of upkeep. Ilya in turn, of course insisted he would do the same for Shane, who likes to keep a small amount of hair, trimmed down close to the skin at the base of his cock, shaves away his treasure tail. Ilya approaches it with gentle focus and attention that makes Shane a bit dizzy, the way he gently touches him, asks Shane is its right, good, how he likes. And so they do that for a long time but at the start of the relationship maybe Shane feels a little more shy to have Ilya help him shave his asshole.

It’s like. Not flattering the way he needs to position himself and a little tricky and Shane gets nervous about giving someone else that control maybe of a razor on that soft fragile skin. And like whatever maybe it’s not like sexy he thinks for Ilya to do that, and like do couples do that? He doesn’t know.

Anyway- Ilya walks in one day when Shane is shaving there, leg awkwardly balancing and a carefully positioned mirror and Ilya is like Shane? What are you doing you’re going to hurt yourself! And Shane is shy because he thought Ilya would be gone longer on his run and it’s like it’s fine it’s just Ilya but. It’s not a pretty scene he thinks. Ilya walks up and before Shane can say anything at all- Ilya is repositioning Shane with gentle hands, taking the razor and spilling more of Shane’s shaving oil onto his skin and Shane just turns his head to watch Ilya, his face pinched in concentration as he gently shaves him as close to bare as he can get it, how shane likes it here.

“You nearly give me heart attack sweetheart, my poor little hole and you are holding him at knife point. This looks very uncomfortable” Ilya teases but his voice is warm and loving, thumb rubbing at the warm skin of Shane’s ass as he shaves him, going about it like it’s soemthing he’s always done. Shane tells him to shut up but he’s biting back his smile

And it’s- it’s okay, it’s fine, it’s easy, and Shane wants to laugh at himself because of course it is, it’s his Ilya and Shane is yet to find anything that is scarier with Ilya- of course this is fine, of course Ilya is gentle and sweet and attentive with him, chats to him about what he wants to eat for dinner and that they need to get the sheets into the dryer so they will be fresh and crisp for the bed tonight like Shane likes.

It escalated from there, and it becomes their thing, that Ilya does this for him. Looks after him, buys an after shave “intimate area safe” balm to prevent ingrowns. Eventually Ilya brings up the idea of waxing, asked one night after their shower and shaving and they are laying in bed. Tells Shane ‘you know it lasts longer, its smoother and no ingrowns, you hate those Shane, and I can do- I looked up good wax for sensitive skin” and Shane is like “oh” all flushed and smiling and “maybe okay, if you were doing it, I’ve never- I just don’t think I could have gone somewhere for that- and I couldn’t do it myself” and Ilya is like “hmm ok then we try yes? See if it’s ok?” And then they do try it, and there’s something kinda hot about it how vulnerable it is, how Ilya is looking after him, how he did so much research and has so many products ? To make it the best he can for Shane, comfortable and most smooth. And Shane is so smooth after- so smooth and Shane feels even more sensitive there, after that, the touch of Ilya’s finger makes him wine, but especially after the heat of the wax and tingle after pulling it away.

he and ilya are hanging out in the yard and some bees are buzzing around because some watermelon juice spilled on the ground earlier and shane suggests they go inside or rinse the juice off the patio and ilya teases him about being scared of little bees and shane SO nonchalantly just, "no, but i am allergic and you don't know where my epipen is"

and ilya

reblogging with my own tags because i'm also CACKLING imagining the implications of this not being specific to ilya, either. they're having a barbeque at hayden and jackie's house and hayden is good-naturedly encouraging shane to try a piece of coffee cake or something and ilya just goes, "no, bad for you"

and hayden IMMEDIATELY is on the defensive because what? you get to tell him what to eat now? where do you get o-

"no, bad for him because it has walnuts in it, pike. you want him to die? this is what you want?"

"what are you talking about?"

shane: "i'm allergic"

"??? since WHEN??"

"since always??"

"you've eaten over at my house HOW many times?? and never brought this up? the fuck, dude?"

"jackie knows"

the idea of ilya on instagram accidentally pressing like while DEEP in allergy mommy blogging territory and natalie from That Allergy Mama DMing him to be like "hi, my husband wants me to tell you he says hi and that he's a big fan and also that call against you against san francisco was bullshit." "hello, husband of natalie. also do you have any suggestions for substituting peanuts in this recipe?"

he gets filmed for a what i eat in a day/day in the life type video and is so used to thinking about substitutes at this point that he doesn't even think about it when he mentions them in passing. they keep an allergy friendly household so the stuff he mentions is compliant, but it's paired with comments like, "and then i add some wowbutter, which is soybeans and not peanuts. we also sometimes have sunflower seed butter, but the texture for this is better with the wowbutter. i have also tried this, what is it called-shane: the gross paste with beans" *shane, offscreen from the living room*: "chickpea butter?" "yes, this." "it's nasty" "yes, not good. their jar says it is, but it is not. anyway-"

A. the idea of ilya being lowkey stressed about shane surprising him and potentially being exposed to allergens is so fucking funny. ilya who ends up also keeping an allergy-friendly household PURELY because it's just less stressful that way. meanwhile the motherfucker WITH the allergies is SO fucking casual about it that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask ilya to do that.

B. when they're pushing the friendship cover, ilya gets nudge nudge jokes about trying to copy what hollander's doing, and he's not going to share information shane didn't greenlight to get out, so he just plays along. and now there's like. at least three other players lowkey accidentally following an allergy diet because they don't know it's an allergy diet. why do hollander and now rozanov not eat tree nuts? unclear, but they're also the best two players in the entire industry so it's worth a shot to copy them.

@lucky-santangelo ilya only getting five seconds of feeling smug and holier than thou before shane puts him on blast is KILLING me XD

shane groaning SO loud when ilya first breaks out the allergy cards because GOD ilya it's NOT that serious this is embarass-

oh? is this more or less embarassing than having allergic reaction in the middle of a restaurant and needing your epipen? hm? shut up and take the fucking shiny cards, hollander.

and riFUCKINGp to the restaurant that lied about not using peanut oil in their fryer as an angry, stressed ilya is stuck in a hospital lobby with wifi and a lot of energy that has nowhere to go until he's allowed to be back with his husband. you're DONE FOR.

GOD the psychic damage ilya takes the day he finds out body products can have allergens in them. his body wash company is getting a SCATHING email about fucking around with their formula when there are PEOPLE with ALLERGIES who RELY ON-

shane growing up who always got, "oh, you poor thing" from well-intentioned adults as a kid and then, "damn, i could NEVER live like that" from same-age peers when older whenever he had to explain his allergies, and it was both annoying and also felt like failing at something when he had to decline a piece of birthday cake or a slice of pizza because it wasn't safe for him.

but if he frames it as a performance diet, then suddenly! admiration! he gets some teasing obviously, but there's also an air of "good for you, man" that lands a lot easier than pity.

@riddlemaster101

i feel like shane would reliably tell medical people because this is a Rule for medical settings so yes of course he'll go into detail

David spots them at the cottage and they go over, Shane's cottage is obviously allergen free and the shopping he did is all safe for him. Yuna and David know to cook safely, the chicken parm is all good and fine but they say "the croutons aren't safe for you, but you don't like those anyway" just in passing as a matter of habit and Ilya who JUST learned about bananas and latex and bees is like "oh wow! More allergies?? I need a list. Haha" and then they have the meal and the panic attack and they become boyfriends. Before they leave Yuna makes him a copy of her list of all the known allergens and Shane's common reactions to them, it's the first time he hugs her. He looks her in the eye and says "thank you for letting me take care of him. I will be careful."

It's a relief, to know he cares to try. But at the end of the day they JUST met this man. So they cross their fingers and try not to feel the same way they did every time Shane went to somebody's house for a birthday party or a sleepover.

And then they are over at the cottage some night and they decide to order in for dinner. Ilya takes everybody's orders and goes to the kitchen to call it in for them and it's taking *forever* so Yuna goes to see if he needs any help. She finds him sitting with two copies of the list, hers and one translated into Russian for his easy reference. He has the phone on speaker and says "thank you for checking the dressing ingredients, I know is weird request, but sometimes Caesar dressing is safe, sometimes not safe, but he likes it so much is worth checking. Yes, I'll hold again."

They've ordered from this place a dozen times, their recipe for Caesar dressing is safe, YUNA knows that, SHANE knows that, that's why he ordered it. But *Ilya* doesn't. So he's checking. Because Shane wants the dressing and Ilya want him *safe* and *happy*. And isn't that all a parent wants? For their kid to be with someone who is just as invested in their happiness and safety as they are? For somebody who will wait on hold while they check the fry oil and the dressing ingredients and whatever else?

also cackling about the idea of ilya using the group chat with them to be mad about brands changing their ingredients so things that were SAFE are now NOT 😤 it started just as a "hey, those crackers aren't safe anymore" as a collective fyi thing, but it ends up being ilya just mad about safe things not being safe anymore

2.7k | E | muzzle kink, under-negotiated kink, shane has an oral fixation

“You are like a puppy,” he said, taking Shane’s face in both hands. “Shchenok. Even sounds like your name, a little.”

“Uh-uh.” He turned his head, nuzzling Ilya’s palm and then sucking his pinky finger into his mouth, eyes falling shut in contentment.

“You know what happens to mouthy puppies?” he asked, soft and dark, watching as one of Shane’s eyes slid open and refocused on him. “They get muzzled. Cannot get anything in their mouths. Then they learn.”

he's ilya's dog when he's trying to anticipate all of ilya's needs and give them to him at the cottage and then waiting nice and still to be told what ilya wants next. he's ilya's dog even when they're having sex their regular way (by which i mean the d/s way) and he's following ilya's orders.

he's ilya's dog when he's letting ilya pet him and calm him down and let him stay on his knees when he's overwhelmed. he's ilya's dog when he's in the bathroom following orders for the sake of following orders and the reward isn't what he thinks he will get but what ilya wants to give him and is satisfying to him anyways.

when hes looking to obey an order and do it Perfectly Right Without Any Mistakes he's ilya's dog. when he's upset and snapping at ilya, trying to start a fight so that he can be muzzled, he's ilya's dog.