PTSD is tricky. There are nights when I go to bed, and I think I’m fine. Then BOOM, the hyper vigilance kicks in, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and by then I’m angry at myself for being emotional...again. I don’t know how many nights I was up from insomnia and sobbed quietly while Jim slept. That’s probably when I feel the most alone is late at night when I can’t sleep. The pain from Ankylosing Spondylitis can be unreal, but couple that with some serious trauma, PTSD and dysautonomia, you’ve got a whole lot of pain happening there. That pain has to come out sometime and with me it’s usually late at night. Sadly, I’ve gotten really good at crying really quietly so nobody hears. When I think about it, it makes me sad because I’m shoving pain down just to avoid waking up someone. Jim is nothing but kind to me and I know he wouldn’t mind getting up to comfort me, but I don’t always feel like talking about it. Im not sharing this for attention, but to bring light to the rawness and realness of PTSD. It’s really ugly and not enough people know how to recognize it in another person. So therefore it’s just not discussed until it becomes an issue in YOUR life. People take their lives every day because of the horrific mental torture that happens during a depressive episode of PTSD. Unless you’ve experienced it, you can’t even fathom the hopelessness during the experience. If you’re struggling right now, get help, talk to someone, shit you can reach out to me if that’s cool to you. I’m a widow, trauma survivor, chronic illness warrior, and mental health advocate/PTSD patient so chances are you’ll relate to me about SOMETHING. Just don’t stay quiet about it. We’d rather hear about your PTSD and how it’s affecting you than to bury you. Just make me one promise....that you’ll be there for me when it’s my turn. . . . #khronikallykarly #ptsd #ptsdawareness #ptsdadvocate #trauma #traumasurvivor #traumaisagatewaydrug #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #endthestigma #depression #depressionisnotachoice #mentalwellness #nostigma #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthblog #mentalhealthblogger #youngwidow #youngwidowsclub #traumaticdeaths #mentalhealthisimportant (at Houston, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7QHbN5govX/?igshid=snylvpn12vgm