Why™

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do the dishes!

I did it! It sucked but I did it!

literally every time Particularly Stressful News happens, Mort starts getting notes again, and its always bittersweet to me. Like, on the one hand it reminds me of how much shit sucks right now. But on the other hand, i'm glad people find comfort in Mort and his silly little hat. i'm glad he's making people's days a little bit better still.

Thinking about when I worked at a shitty restaurant + one night it was just me + 3 other women on closing shift, so some guy came in the back and waved a knife around, presumably for money but I’m not actually certain, bc he was met with the bartender holding a much bigger knife, a tiny teenager wielding a cast iron pan, an elderly woman holding up a crockpot of clearly boiling water, and me, turning on the meat slicer with eye contact for maximum effect. He left, but the moral of the story is not girl power or whatever, it’s just. Why the fuck would you threaten a room full of underpaid and sleep-deprived blue-collar workers surrounded by lethal weapons.

*nods wisely* not the sharpest knool in the shed

Bringing a knife to a lots-o-knives fight

i love hearing about the declining birth rate like yesss that is a major problem considering our dominant economic model. a problem i plan on contributing to 👍 joining the war on declining birth rates on the side of declining birth rates

combine these to make a redbull that has 50x more caffeine than regualer