What, You Egg?

harry potter urls get blocked and people reblogging my shit with their harry potter ships in the tags get blocked and dumbasses who have shit bios like "marauders and drarry 4ever but I think jkr is a big meaner don't worry" you're getting blocked and I'm shoving you in a locker

"when people ask how you're doing, they don't really care." most of them do, actually, the amount they care is just directly proportional to how well they know you. you're just mad you can't be the main character of the Twice Daily.

if i am doing shitty and the check out girl asks me, "how are you?" i will say,"man, i've been better." we are strangers to each other. she doesn't need to know my whole life story. she doesn't need to know about my credit score and my hemorrhoids or my uncle in the hospital. she just needs enough to respond "been there, buddy. hey, at least the day is almost over?" and then we part ways. i have been on both sides of thousands of exchanges like this, the only one making you do a little song and dance is you, my friend

this what we need to be doing with our technological capabilities. Fund this shit. ten millions dollars

More games need to let you fuck up your romance entirely. Like truly one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me in a game is Alistair dumping me because i made him king and then like an hour later i was knocking on his door like "hey by the way i need you to fuck Morrigan."

uh oh! the villainous Dr. Frown has stolen all of the smiles from Happy City! we need the aid of Gigglegirl to put a stop to his reign of terror! :(

okay, so, we were expecting Gigglegirl to just, like, cheer up the citizens of Happy City to return our smiles. we did not expect her to do that to Dr. Frown. our deep and sincere condolences to the Frown family

Smacka smacka smacka

“it isnt something you have to read critically” well 😭

this technically is true but I think this also perfectly encapsulates why I am inherently distrustful of like. “”cozy”” “turn your brain off” fiction lmfao. like okay WHO gets to turn their brain off and who has to suffer through bigoted caricatures of themselves while everyone else is having cozy silly no brain time 😐