All the comics

nobody telling cicero anything even though they knew he hated caesar because cicero is incapable of shutting the fuck up

them calling out to cicero to save the republic as they stabbed caesar was the first cicero heard of the plot

cicero crying in a letter afterwards about how it hurt his feelings that he wasnt invited to the stabbing (”how i wish you had invited me to that glorious banquet on the ides of march!”)

liberatores massively underestimating how much the middle/lower classes loved caesar and having to barricade themselves on the capitoline and then flee italy altogether because they were going to get ripped apart

them trying to defend their assassination by claiming that caesar was a tyrant and his authority should not have been recognized and therefore it was a just action. only for them to flee to the provinces that were awarded to them by caesar, meaning that they actually did recognize his authority

mark antony thinking that he was going to be named caesar’s heir only to find out during the public reading of his will that caesar had actually named his great-nephew his heir.

octavian wasn’t even in rome at the time. mark antony really rolled up to the reading in the forum thinking he was gonna have it made only to be publicly embarrassed

antony claiming that the only reason octavian was named heir was because he bribed caesar with sexual favors 

mark antony accusing anyone of sexual impropriety 

the triumvirs being two middle aged generals and one teenage boy who knew he held all the cards. all three of these people hated each other.

cicero somehow thinking that he could win octavian to his side (despite cicero being a very vocal opponent of his late adoptive father) and that if octavian held high political office cicero could manipulate him to secure his own political power 

these favors amounting to absolutely nothing when octavian was like yeah we’re gonna put him on the kill list

the irony of marcus tullius “yeah lets execute the catilinarian conspirators without trial despite them being roman citizens. this will absolutely not come back to bite me in the ass” cicero getting executed without trial

lepidus not realizing he was the lepidus of the story and trying to rally his legions to get rid of octavian only for all of them to go “nah, fuck that.” and defect to octavian

i need to emphasize how funny this was. lepidus was a general with years of military experience and all of his men just fucking up and left him for the kid who hides in his tent during battles

octavian didn’t even kill lepidus for this he just told him to fuck off and he did.

So the lady stands up and grabs the baby jesus statue from their nativity scene and says, “come along bubbala, you heard the man, we aren’t allowed in here”

“Right,” says the bishop. 

“So,” says the rabbi, “if you do a really great job as a bishop, you might become…what?”

“Well,” says the bishop, “if I’m fortunate, I might become an archbishop.”

“And if you do a really great job as an archbishop?”

“I suppose, someday, I could even be a cardinal.”

“And if you do a really great job as a cardinal?”

“I guess after that I could, theoretically, become the Pope.”

“And if you do a really great job as the Pope?”

“What would you expect me to become after the Pope?” says the bishop, who’s starting to get a little annoyed. “God Himself?”

One night at a nunnery the nuns are woken by loud singing and drunken revelry. They look and see its some Jews celebrating one thing or another just outside.

“You can’t be here!” The nuns say angrily. “This is disrespectful, don’t you know we are the brides of Christ?”

but it didn’t stop there. at the next party they threw to celebrate one of their latest finds, some museum-y banquet idk I was 13, I was going to show up. I was going to show up and make eye contact with them one at a time from across the room and they were going to lose their goddamn minds and then before the volturi could catch wind i was gonna be back in the ocean. how could they find me?

1) vampires don’t show up in film

I don’t owe you anything. Not conversation, not politeness, not my nakedness, not my truth, not my body, not one fucking iota of me.

A/N: please don’t sue me, o anime overlords, I’m not making any money off of this! I’m just a broke student! I don’t have any money!

A/N: I totally wrote this while high off 10 Red Bulls wheeeeeee!!!!!

remember when there’d be interactions with the author and the characters?

InuYasha: I don’t get why I have to be here for this