I have a keyboard and an overactive imagination

Who names their character Susan

I’m poisoning an enchanted crossbow, which I gave a nickname to so I wouldn’t accidentally sell it. The name of the weapon is “delicious quinoa, Susan”.

new apartment update: cat has figured out how to open kitchen cabinets and knock a bag of dry food off the shelf onto the counter so she can have a lil snack in the middle of the night. we are fucked.

I love it when media fucks up the wording of the Rasputin disclaimer and ends up with shit like "any resemblance to people or locations living or dead is coincidental". I'd love to know what committing libel against a dead location would entail.

Fuck the Fiesta Mall in Mesa, AZ. I heard it ate someone once.

this sea sucks shit. it doesnt even have any scrolls im sure

You look around the lecture hall and notice all the other students have fallen asleep. You look towards the lecturer, who has now stopped talking and is staring straight at you. “I don’t know how you’re still awake, but I guess we do this the hard way.” He says before pulling out a sword.

I used to be monotheistic. Until the great worm that I worship got cut in half

would you love us if we were twin gods

Not to be a bitch but sometimes people engage with fiction in the most boring way possible, and nowhere is this clearer than in videogames. Like what you mean you hate a character just because they were kind of abrasive when speaking to the player character? "They were mean to me" and it didn't occur to you to wonder why? Like, what might their attitude toward you reveal about the world? About the social dynamics within it? About their own perspectives and backgrounds and personalities? Does it even occur you to ask? Would you only have liked them if they bowed to your presence and talked about how great you are? Like I'm sorry but you're so boring. How boring fiction would be if it cathered to you

Concerts will have you staring at the taller person infront of you and thinking Why were you born? Why? Why? Why?

the real moral lesson in chess is that you can only move forwards 5-6 times in your life before you're turned into a beautiful queen but also rarely you might be turned into a horse

I'm sorry guys I know no one is going to want to hear this but I just got resuscitated after being dead for 5 minutes and it turns out hazbin hotel is true

honestly an incredibly disrespectful and tasteless comment to make on my post about my very real experience of dying and going to hazbin hotel

Ordering a gin and yonic at the H.R. Giger bar and grill

everyone is meeting me in the grotto

I love it when James Patterson "collaborates" with a celebrity because you can be absolutely certain that, of the two names on the cover, neither actually wrote a single word of the damn thing.