Me Bein a Hufflepuff Skank

Like to charge, reblog to cast?

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

I actually love the song Yankee Doodle because the lyrics seem like complete fucking nonsense to modern ears. you hear it as a kid and it's like oh dope the Wiggles made a sequel to Jabberwocky. but you look it up and "Yankee Doodle stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni" is actually 18th century British for "Americans all want to be hipster twinks but they're too poor and stupid to do it right." and to top it off Americans in general were just like "this is unironically a bop"

tbh i think the funniest phenomena that's been happening in the last couple years is "youtuber, having gone too deep into the research hole, has been made an investigative journalist against their will"

Accidentally clicking on an AI assistant feels like clicking on a link that’s going to give you a virus.

Developing a sick fixation on the bagel guy I get breakfast from every Friday on my way to work. I have visited his stall thrice and each time he hears my order, shakes his head, and gives me a slightly different version of my order that tastes better than what I'd originally asked for

Today I asked for a plain lox spread bagel and he gave me an everything bagel with a lox, scallion, and dill spread and it fucks so heavy. Moaning at work rn

No i will not tell you who this is or where. This is MY parasocial relationship with a bagel guy who is doing a kind of customer service dom thing to me. You guys don't get to HAVE him [eyes start glowing as I growl]

You ask him out on a date and he hears your request, shakes his head, and takes you on a slightly different version of the date that feels more fulfilling than what you'd originally asked for.

Girl I'm gonna cum wtf I need this

You ask him if you can cum and he-

There are so many people that are pro disability rights until they find out disabilities can be gross sometimes. It's so wild seeing the same people advocating for more mental health talk losing their shit over a depressed person not brushing their teeth or cleaning their spaces, or people who totally support physically disabled people until they find out I once pissed in a cup because I was in too much agony to get out of my bed, or that sometimes cups and food sit in my room longer than they should because I physically can't get up to put them away. Disabled people sometimes have incontinence, disabled people sometimes have bad hygiene, and still deserve to be supported. It's so fucking performative and it pisses me off. Even other disabled people act like this. Shaming people for stuff they can't control doesn't help anyone, just makes you an insufferable person.

they should make a version of socializing that doesn’t make you feel like you’re still the weird 12 year old kid that doesn’t know why she’s not normal like the other kids

my last addition to this post is that black people who struggle with mental health and are disordered are more likely to be killed/assaulted by police during a crisis. acab forever.

God I miss the days when you could show up to a stranger’s farm and he’d say “What’s your name, boy?” and you’d take off your hat and hold it to your chest to better let him see your face and reply “Why I ain’t got none, sir, on account of my mammy passed on before she could give me one” and he’d tell you he’s real damn sorry to hear that and ask what he can do you for and you’d tell him that you can’t read nor even write neither but you’re mighty good with horses and can mend them fallen fence posts what you saw on your way in and won’t ask for nothing much more than a hot meal and a warm barn to sleep in and he’d keep his wife and daughters inside but send his boy who ain’t got married yet even though his mama tells him he needs a woman out with a lantern and some stew at night and the two of you’d get to talkin and he’d throw you his flask to take a swig from and watch you drinkin from it while he leant against the door frame and when he finally got called back on up to the house again he’d take a sip from it too real slow-like like it weren’t the whiskey what he were tryna savour

the thing that bothers me with 7 deadly sin based characters is when they cant decide if they embody the sin by suffering from it or by drawing it out of others. ie. if your gluttony demon is a guy who loves eating then your lust demon should be a gooner sex pest. and if your lust demon is a seductive girlboss then your gluttony demon should be a 5 star chef. does this make sense.

Nothing more embarrassing than accidentally using a big word wrong because now I'm simultaneously both stupid and pretentious, the worst combination of all time