Snoodle @magentasnoodle - Tumblr Blog

I found out why i have been dying lately

I'm doing customer support (the only agent in the company btw) and it's been really getting on my nerves lately and I thought I was exaggerating, but I looked at the data we have and apparently the past few months have been almost as bad as CHRISTMAS????

Wdym the amout of tickets in june are equal to the amount I had in november???? i mean sure it's not quite as bad as it was in december, but that's still way too much ?????????????

#help !!#doodle

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magentasnoodle

i woke up at 7:00 for 2 days in a row (i usually wake up at 13) and my brain is so foggy i'm not a person anymore

I need to focus on my work but it's so hard and i keep getting more tasks and getting distracted and I barely got anything done today and I want to stop so so bad

magentasnoodle

I am losing my mind

#it's been 3 hours since i started #im still not half way through #some days are bad weeks #i forgot the t in “it”#too late I think it emphasizes the feeling

i woke up at 7:00 for 2 days in a row (i usually wake up at 13) and my brain is so foggy i'm not a person anymore

I need to focus on my work but it's so hard and i keep getting more tasks and getting distracted and I barely got anything done today and I want to stop so so bad

#hep me #please #doodle #my art

I've been thinking about this a lot lately

#siiiiigh #in my online circles almost everyone I see is very anti-AI #and irl most of my family are very pro-ai #which makes me feel a little very crazy #(also I hate hate hate calling it AI such a stupid name everything can be AI!!! to me it's 'generative technology')#I feel like a lot of my thoughts and feelings towards AI are very hypocritical #like oh it's untrustworthy? well I don't seem to care about that when using Wikipedia and not checking the sources #it harms the environment and is exploitative? good to know those only matters when it's a thing I dislike #you shouldn't relay on it and think for yourself? as if i'm not the laziest stupidest person ever #maybe it is just “new thing bad” mentality #I mean I definitely think there should be way more regulations as it can be exploited really easily #and it's scary to see how much the rich control the world and do whatever they want without consequences #the way everything is scraped for data and everyone's information is being sold is horrible and scary #but that's not really the fault of the users?? (though you can argue about the power of boycotting)#but I can't bring myself to even consider using it #my dad keeps telling me I should know how to use it for my art to help 'optimize my process' and so I could have a job in the future #but it's stupid to me because it's like telling a chef to learn how to use doordash #like sure the product exists now but I want to be the one who made it? what's the point??#and sure I am scared about my future employment (and everyone's honestly)#but it's not going to stop me form making art ever I am making art for myself #but then when it comes to research every time I try to search for something and can't find it right away everyone yells at me to use AI #like honestly it's not like regular search engines are that good either #pick your poison: full AI answer or websites that are AI generated #but I just dont want to use AI?? I cant trust it #the fact that it will just make things up when it doesn't know the answer freaks me out #my sister the other day sent me a screenshot of her asking it a yes or no question and she was told to rate which answer she prefers???#AI just feels full of psychological conditioning of trying to make you like it more and trying to lead you to do things #like how ads and algorithms are evil it's the peak of that feeling #my feelings towards it are on a spectrum of “EVIL EVIL EVIL DIE” and “i simply couldnt care less”

#doodle #my art

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another study

#this time my focus was trying to make it look interesting?#my struggle with landscapes is that I want to draw all the details #so I tried to simplify them as much as I can #my art

landscape study

#I think i will do another one now #my art

keeping it together

#doodle #my art

I am so stressed

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i have a dr's appointment tomorrow #at 8am !!!!!!!!#my design was rejected #i'm going to be losing my job soon #and im getting married and need to plan 2 weddings !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and immigrate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#immigration is stressful!!!!!!!!!!!!#im sorry my account it just vent art but I am looooooooosing my mind

I know it's not what her sprite is meant to be, but I like thinking of her hair as pigtails

#noelle #noelle holiday #noelle deltarune #deltarune #my art #doodle

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whenever I make deltarune fanart I usually post it on reddit and twitter too, and they are truly horrifying to visit every time

#I know twitter always had a reputation for being a hellhole #but I genuinely believe that all the good people who were on twitter left so it's even worse now #I saw someone talk about their interpretation of a sprite to get a comment of “who cares there are children dying!!” ??????????#I know I know i should stop posting on there but it's my biggest platform so it's hard to let go #reddit is not as bad but I still feel weird there #I don't think they are as angry I just don't like the humour as much #I just want to share my art man #it's hard being an artist on social media who hates social media and has no online presence #and fangamer haven't responded to my email (and probably never will at this point) so my hope for that is gone toooo :(

working on my portfolio is going great

#i will finish it one day #i swear!!#it's getting closer #I think i'm just aiming slightly too high #I need to calm down #also I am scared of actual good programing #wdym backend?#wdym database?#I don't know how to do that #this is good enough #I don't need security #oh my god I wrote so many emails today I almost signed this post with my name #my art

doodling while watching youtube

#my art #doodle

I submitted my design to fangamer and by submitted I mean emailed it to their customers support

I was so stressed about it I made a whole product pitch presentation with the details

and I still feel like they'll ignore my email which makes me so sad

please I understand if you don't want the design but at least consider itt

#my only hope is that crazier things have happened to me #but please fangamer I love you #please please please #it's cool I swear #and will have the great target audience of me specifically

have you considered - tiny onionsan?

#he's like that reversible octopus plush #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #onionsan

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it's easy to underestimate the importance of sleep until you don't sleep well

I have issues falling asleep which have been getting worse so I didn't sleep at all tonight, and i'm trying to push through the day so maybe i could fall asleep at night easily

but wow I am GONE I am not functioning and can't do anything

#this is how i felt in high school!#my current sleep schedule is being effected by 2 things #the first is rythem heaven which I love but is hitting the wrong part of my brain #I am EXTREMELY sensitive to things getting stuck in my head #I didn't listen to songs with lyrics all of highschool because I couldn't take songs getting stuck in my head #it's torture #so now I just have “1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8! 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8!” stuck in my head #I can't stop counting the music won't stop it's driving my crazy #and the second thing is MY HEART?????#it's been beating weird #and i've been ignoring it thinking it's nothing or a side effect of my pills but I think it's getting worse???#I am very very very verrryyyy scared about it #which doesn't help at all because it makes me more aware of my heartbeat and also probably makes my heartbeat worse #AND means I'm too scared to get it checked #life is stressful enough ok I can't deal going to the doctor right now #I have an english exam on wednesday !!#anyway time to spend the rest of the day just kinda staring because I can't do anything

this is happening to me too much lately

#tbf I think panel 3 just describes the entire experience you don't really need the rest #anyway just trying to cover the bases with trigger warnings because I don't like talking about these stuff #tw suicidal ideation #tw sui ideation #tw selfhate #tw suicidality #tw self hate #doodle #stuff i don't talk to my psychologist about because i'm too scared

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