I'm Just Trying To Get Some Sleep

what a beautiful day to not be in high school

This is the like those “remember to be grateful you don’t have a sore throat right now” posts. It IS a beautiful day to not be in high school! Thank you!

I'm looking back at random things I was taught as a kid by various adults and media and. did nobody bother to factcheck anything? was that just not an option or

Could you please name one?

swallowed chewing gum takes years to digest, blue veins are blue bc deoxygenated blood is blue, fossil fuels are made from dinosaurs, feeding bread to birds is fine, mice like cheese, carrots are good for your eyes, cleopatra was a sultry seductress, bulls can see the color red, corsets were uncomfortable and caused deformities, glass is a slow-moving liquid which is why old window panes are uneven at the bottom, tomato juice gets rid of skunk smells, young einstein failed math class, eating before swimming increases your risk of cramps and drowning, cracking your knuckles causes arthritis, iron maidens were used as torture devices, the earth's core is molten rock, and basically anything at all whatsoever to do with the myth of thanksgiving

they said name ONE-

bats are blind, diamonds are made of coal, the dark side of the moon is dark, the sun is yellow, lightning doesn't strike twice, columbus landed in the u.s., medieval europeans believed the world was flat, piranhas eat human flesh, goldfish have no long-term memory, porcupines can shoot their quills, people often swallow spiders in their sleep, wolves howl at the moon, humans only have 5 senses, sore muscles are caused by a buildup in lactic acid, and rust causes tetanus!

I love Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland but I loathe how edgy subcultures have turned it into some one dimensional thing associated with psychedelics and other drugs.

Like, I wanna talk about the recurring presence of logic and mathematics, the cross language (primarily French) puns, I want to talk to people about their interpretations and thoughts but everyone’s so stuck on “haha yeah she’s on shrooms” like come on there’s so much going on don’t let it just be the easiest, weakest response, you’re smarter than that

I like this take. 

So what you’re saying is that Alice in Wonderland is basically Victorian Shrek

Actually, yeah, kinda. There’s no real way to say, it’s never been fully explained by Charles Dodgson, it’s all truly interpretation. But in the way it’s written, I’d be willing to call it a literary version of Shrek. It has layers.

the japanese “-ne?” particle and the british slang term “innit” serve the same function

oh so like "eh" in canadian

*un-Babels your Tower*

„Difficult“ the man is literally the only son of a bitch on the planet communicating fucking properly

one fun thing about being a teacher in march 2023 is that chess is a literal epidemic among teens. we are starting to have meetings about how we can STOP teenagers from playing too much chess which is like if we were trying to figure out how to stop them from reading for fun. When i was in high school five years ago chess was nerd shit only but now it is transcending every social and language barrier and is absolutely rampant. kids aren’t on their phone texting in class anymore it’s ONLY chess.com. kids are playing chess on their phones while playing chess in real life. this is still better than tiktok because at least the kids are developing an attention span from this

the worst part of this is that they’re on chess dot com instead of getting an education. but the BEST part of this is watching high schoolers develop the weirdest goddamn strategies I’ve ever seen. One of my students invented something he calls the “evil advisor gambit” where he gets a third person to give out constant terrible advice to both teams hoping that his opponent falls for it straight-up or that his opponent thinks HE fell for it and will act accordingly thus worsening their own strategy. he has won every game he has been able to pull off a coordinated evil advisor gambit in. this is chess innovation never before seen in its 700 years on earth

#biblically accurate roomba

#cleans everything everywhere all at once (via @kitelined)

This is unironically one of the better written, in-character, funny pieces of Scooby-Doo media in the past decade

As someone who’s written dialogue for Scoob and been paid for it… I endorse this take. :)