not an oxymoron

The men of Sodom also like... tried to rape some angels that were disguised as humans. So that probably had something to do with it as well.

ALL OF THIS.

drake?

josh?

where’s the body of christ?

Preacher who’s short and insecure about it: I don’t care if you’re a short king or a tall king. We are all short in the eyes of the lord

Preacher who can’t get laid: premarital sex is BAD! The LORD said so not me>:(

Adam and Eve had to raise teenagers, but they were never teenagers beforehand.

Eve holding the first ever baby: what the FUCK is thIS

Adam, talking to God: hey buddy so uh I don’t know if this is like ~normal~ or what but my wife just shat out a fat bald monkey and now it won’t stop screaming? Are you doing okay up there bro

i was worried my cat is dehydrated because i never see him drink water so i’ve started leaving a cup of water that’s “mine” (aka he sees me drink out of it once before he does) in my room so he thinks he is being a rebellious naughty by drinking out of it but rlly he is just following my plan & being hydrated .

God in the Garden of Eden

Absolutely obsessed with the implications of this comment

Religion should make you bow down and be humble, not look down on others and be conceited. 

i never vibed with the idea that God would forsake and punish people for not believing in and/or worshipping him. It’s not realistic that sounds like some shit churches made up to manipulate and extort the masses

Do you think Jesus ever got many carpenter requests after he started preaching? Like did anyone ever go up to him and be like; "My Lord! My Lord!" And the disciples are all: "The Master won't do anymore miracles today." But obviously Jesus is like; "Yes, my child?" And they just ask what his basic rate is to fix their door.

No one talks enough about the fact that Jesus had a day job.

He repaired the relationship between humanity and god, he also repaired the table in his friend Mary's house cuz it wobbled too much.

“honey that guy who made our table got crucified”