Named for the first time I encountered an unreliable narrator and had a word to put to the phenomenon.
---
If you get commentary from @novanhistorian, that's me and I probably meant for it to go here. I'm not particularly adept at having a sideblog.
Slowly turning into a The King in Yellow (1895) fan blog. Shoot me an ask if you want resources, commentary, headcanons on a specific subject, or anything else of that kind -- I have rather a lot of the first three and would probably be excited to try to figure out something for the fourth.
Anyway...
I'm:
Cinnamon by pseudonym, though also answer to Hildred; accurately referred to with any pronoun set other than he/it. @/voidblue on pronouns.page.
My all-consuming first love worldbuilding project, the Imperium Novel, is over at @novanhistorian, where I am also using the accent color orange but for completely different reasons.*
* Generally, my thematic color is blue and not yellow, but it doesn't make sense for Hildred Castaigne to be blue -- in fact, I think he'd be somewhat offended. This makes making this account look like me... somewhat difficult. (Update: I've given up entirely. This is Hildred's blog theme now. The Imperial Dynasty of America was secretly the Imperial Dynasty of Tumblr User @hildred-rex's Blog Theme.)
My icon is a cropped square from page 31 of A Collection of Emblemes, Ancient and Moderne (1635) by George Wither. It was formerly temporary, which was the source of a minor running gag that has now almost entirely vanished from the blog but which I want to commemorate somehow.
The header image is Monhegan, Maine (1922) by Nicholas Roerich. Everyone should go look at more Roerich artwork immediately; his are some of the most consistently beautiful paintings I've ever seen.
Under the readmore: a list of fandoms I partake in, more detail on my exploits in gothic literature, a noncomprehensive list of other things I've enjoyed, and a "last updated."
Fandoms:
The King in Yellow by Robert W. Chambers. Please ask me about it. I will talk for hours.
The Imperium Novel (my own work, but... still, I write fanfiction of it), which can be found over on @novanhistorian.
gothic literature (predominantly horror) in general; this gets its own list lower down!
The League of Extraordinary Gentlefolk.
Arthur Machen (have not read everything yet but am trying).
Dracula by Bram Stoker.
I decided a few years ago that Lovecraft was seminal to the cosmic horror genre and that therefore I should read all the fiction he ever wrote; to my recollection I've read everything listed on Wikisource except "The Street" and "The Rats in the Walls," provided it's extant.
The Parties are for Losers series by Ferry. (I don't want to give them a random notification for no reason, but they're nopanamaman on tumblr.)
The rest of Ferry's songs are also very good!
previously reading Homestuck due to a D&D campaign (I promise this makes sense in context)
[more when I remember them]
I'll have to come back and add a "music I enjoy" section later.
More on Gothic Literature:
(Listed = I've read it; bolded = I can probably do analysis of its characters; italicized = I don't remember it well; underlined = I really want to reread this and will when I have the time. Small is notes and commentary.)
This is only what I've dredged up from my brain at the moment and I have probably read more; this'll be updated as I read and/or think of stuff.
The King in Yellow (1895) by Robert W. Chambers. (Bolding only goes for the weird stories, including "The Demoiselle d'Ys," plus "The Street of the First Shell," and is strongest for "The Repairer of Reputations." I've found myself unable to get through a few of the romances & cannot make heads nor tails of "The Prophet's Paradise" except that it feels like someone accidentally published his sheet of idea-collection paper. Admittedly, because of that it makes a pretty good transition between the weird stories and the rest.)
Dracula (1897) by Bram Stoker. (Curiously, I've never actually done Dracula Daily.)
The Three Impostors (1895) by Arthur Machen. (I utterly adore this book.)
Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1886) by Robert Louis Stevenson. (I really loved reading this one, but was very sad by the end. I had Opinions on most of the characters and will again when I reread.)
The Great God Pan (1890) by Arthur Machen.
The Inmost Light (1890) by the same author. (Hello Dyson!)
Jane Eyre (1847 originally; I think Dover reproduced from the third ed.) by Charlotte Brontë. (Worth reading, but GODDAMNIT JANE. She's the closest I've found to a fictional representation of how I think, especially about making complicated decisions, which (a) made her very relatable and (b) made the end of the novel all the more what-the-fuck. Also GODDAMNIT CHARLOTTE because of the authorial racism and also the not realizing how unhealthy the core relationship is.)
The Vampyre (1819) by John William Polidori.
The Shining Pyramid (1923) by Arthur Machen. (I didn't like this one when I last read it; Dyson felt off.)
The White People by Arthur Machen (has the most cursed name of anything ever).
Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (1831, not yet 1818) by Mary Shelley.
The Red Hand (1895) by Arthur Machen.
[Will at some point resume trying to read and summarize everything Machen ever wrote because of that time I ended up with my nose in a Catholic polemic by accident.]
Miscellaneous Things Enjoyed:
This time in alphabetical order.
The Anatomy of Tobacco by Arthur Machen. I feel I must clarify that it's a comedic work that I'd estimate to be of novella length. Reader beware, this book contains random untranslated and even untransliterated faux-Ancient Greek.
At the Mountains of Madness by H. P. Lovecraft.
The Case of Charles Dexter Ward by H. P. Lovecraft. It feels like reading a textbook with a central plot besides the advancement of history (and with a nicer writing style). Content warning for racism and off-handed mentions of the colonial American slave trade.
Fourteen by Peter Clines. This book gets in one's head and doesn't leave.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and its ensuing five-book trilogy, by Douglas Adams.
Impossible Landscapes by Dennis Detwiller. Worth a read even if one doesn't intend to run it.
Last updated 2025-06-16, YYYY-MM-DD.
Created sometime in late-ish November 2023. Edited 2023-12-07, 2024-03-31, 2024-07-03, 2024-12-26, and 2025-06-05.
Backdated to Louis Castaigne's birthday in a year that would make him 42 years old at the founding of this blog.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Hey guys you should totally get into this thing i like. Yeah it's mid at best. It also aged poorly. You'll get nothing out of it at all. You'll like the idea of it more than the actual thing. But at least only takes half your natural lifespan to finish it
By request, a who's who guide to the eleven fucktillion vampires (and others) I've stuffed into this thing.
Characters arranged in order of first appearance, sorted by chapter; consequently, some spoilers ahead.
Chapter 1
Arthur Holmwood/Lord Godalming: From Dracula. Was killed and turned into a vampire by Dracula, and is now his unwilling thrall.
Count Dracula: You know, Dracula. Anno Dracula's is modeled after Vlad the Impaler; Momento Dracula's is not, and is in fact a Hungarian falsely claiming the title of Dracula.
Jonathan and Mina Harker: From Dracula. Also got turned into vampires along with Arthur. Currently imprisoned for rebellion. [Note: I haven't got a pic of them as vampires, so I'm just attaching a couple of images from LXGF.]
Mircalla/Carmilla Karnstein and Her Mother: From Carmilla. Styrian. Countess Karnstein is the real mastermind of this duo, and uses her daughter as a weapon in her schemes. The Countess has the ability to modify other peoples' memories.
Lord Ruthven: From "The Vampyre" (Polidori). English (ostensibly). A vampire explicitly modeled after Lord Byron. In this fic's continuity he's over a thousand years old, although nobody knows that for certain.
Heathcliff and Catherine: From Wuthering Heights. (The referenced "Edgar" is Edgar Linton, also from Wuthering Heights.) In Momento Dracula they both became vampires after their deaths, and have been fucking around on the moors for roughly a century.
Prince Liatoukine: From Captain Vampire. Russian. A walking metaphor for Russian imperialism. Ruthlessly cruel to those who cross him. Hobbies include: torture.
Segun/The Black Vampyre: From "The Black Vampyre". West African/Haitian. Unnamed in his source material; "Segun" is a name I picked out for him. Took part in the Haitian Revolution (or at least a vampire-themed parody of it; the work he's from is a satire), which should give a little idea of his motives.
The Horla: From "Le Horla". Possibly a space alien, possibly just native to Brazil. Not a vampire, but Something Else. [Note: As the Horla is canonically invisible, no reference image has been included. You'll have to use your imagination.]
The Arab woman/Ziska: From Le Vampire (Dumas). A ghoul, rather than a vampire. Has beef with Lord Ruthven.
Marquis d'Urfé, "Count and Countess Gorchovič": From "The Family of the Vourdalak". French (d'Urfé) and Serbian (the other two). d'Urfé is the story's protagonist; in the Momento Dracula-verse he does not survive, and becomes a Vourdalak. The other two are only pretending to be nobility, and are actually the son and daughter-in-law of Gorcha, the patriarch of a small Serbian village. [Note: Unfortunately, I don't have any drawings of these three.]
Sir Francis Varney: From Varney the Vampire. English. I mean, if you're on this blog, you probably know who Varney is.
That pair of boys Varney met in Germany: Har and Manor, from "Manor". I decided they were a little young to be attending a Vampire Political Summit, but couldn't resist cameoing them.
Clarimonde: From "Le Morte Amoureuse". French. I've long headcanoned that she and Varney are good friends. Clarimonde has near-absolute power over dreams, and spends most of her time partying in an elaborate dream-palace (Concini, mentioned in her dialogue). Is she even actually here in the flesh? Who knows.
Lorand/The Hungarian Nobleman: From Varney the Vampire. Unnamed in his source material; he's become something of an inside joke on this blog as "Floyd Dracula", who pretends to be related to Dracula for clout.
Princess Smerande Brankovan: From "The Pale Lady". Moldavian. Not technically a vampire in the source material, but her entire bloodline are cursed to become vampires after death, so It's Free Real Estate. As a vampire, I've turned her into something of a foil for Dracula: powerful, deeply tied to the land, but protective rather than disdainful of the people in it. Her having a human retainer at the gathering is an indication of this.
Herman and Sigismund: From "The Vampyre" (Stagg). German. Just two guys being dudes. They're mostly here as a cameo.
Geraldine: From "Christabel". English. "Christabel" sort of reads like a rough prototype of Carmilla. As far as vampire fiction goes, it's very old (and unfinished), so I made Geraldine an ancient "lost" vampire who hasn't been heard from for centuries.
Chapter 2
Clara Ringwood/Clara Crofton: From Varney the Vampire. English. Was turned by Varney and has complicated feelings about it.
The Butterfly: Sava Savanovič from After Ninety Years. Also from IRL folklore. Serbian. In-story he turns into a butterfly after the villagers find and stake his body. He's been stuck as a butterfly ever since, and is here at the gathering hoping to find somebody who can restore him to human shape.
Gregoriska Waivady/Brankovan: From "The Pale Lady". Moldavian. Arthur doesn't catch his name but he's the super angelic-looking blond guy, you know the one. In the original story, the Righteous Christian Warrior Of God to contrast his evil vampire brother. Here, is still trying to be a Righteous Christian Warrior Of God, but is also now a vampire which complicates things somewhat.
Count Vardalek: From "The True Story of a Vampire" (also sometimes called "The Sad Story of a Vampire"). Nationality technically not specified but for the purposes of Momento Dracula he's Styrian. Tragic, sad, gay, musically inclined, and his canonical description is a dead ringer for Oscar from Rose of Versailles which is why I draw him Like That.
Azzo von Klatka: From "Der Fremde" (translated into English as "The Mysterious Stranger"). Carniolan (Slovenian in modern geography terms), but the 1850s translation made him Carpathian for no reason. He's not Carpathian. A grumpy loner with the ability to read minds. [Note: Unfortunately, I don't have any drawings of him.]
Alinska and Ladislas: From The Virgin Vampire. Hungarian in the original, though for my purposes Alinska is Slovak and Ladislas is like, a demon or something, don't worry about it. Alinska is the unwilling puppet of a cruel and unforgiving God and is compelled to carry out His will even when it involves murdering children (all canon). Here I've imagined her as a sort of doomsday prophet.
The Weird Sisters: From Dracula. Also known in other places as the Brides of Dracula, Dracula's roommates, or Dracula's three weed-smoking girlfriends. In Momento Dracula I'm going with the interpretation that they're Dracula's wife and daughters.
Chapter 3
Kostaki Koproli/Brankovan: From "The Pale Lady". Moldavian. How do I even introduce him. He's a bandit he's a prince he's a Booktok love interest he's the coolest fucking vampire ever written. He's Death Incarnate. Do not believe a single word Kim Newman has written about him.
Epistimia Comanescu: From Captain Vampire. Romanian. Liatoukine's wife for about a week, after which he murdered her (presumably drinking her blood). In Momento Dracula, she's back for revenge.
That group of glowing green vampires the Harkers were fighting: From Vampire City.
Lord Bracknell: Lady Augusta Bracknell's husband from The Importance of Being Earnest. Whoops! Uh-oh!
Jack Seward: From Dracula. In Anno Dracula, he's Jack The Ripper. This is boring and tasteless, and not terribly well executed either. In Momento Dracula, I'm giving him a villain arc which better fits his character: unethical mad science! He's trying to find a cure for vampirism. It's going...not great.
Lucy Westenra: From Dracula. Jack Seward appears to have raised her from the dead...again.
[Chapter 4 will be added in a reblog due to image limits]
R. M. Renfield: From Dracula. He's also supposed to be dead. What's going on, Jack?
The Red-Haired Gentleman: Jabez Williams from the Sherlock Holmes story "The Adventure of the Red-Headed League". He's fine don't worry about it.
Agapia Privighetoareano/Comanescu and Her Husband (Decebale): From Captain Vampire. Romanian. Agapia is Epistimia's younger sister, who marries an abusive man in the epilogue of the book and has an awful time. As The Other Evil Stepsister, she's kind of abusive herself, but she's also sixteen throughout the novel, so maybe less reprehensible than her husband. He's not actually the ambassador to anywhere; I promoted him in Momento Dracula for the sake of being able to include the Comanescu sibling reunion.
Igor Moïleff, Relia Comanescu: From Captain Vampire. Igor is Russian, Relia Romanian. Igor is an underling of Liatoukine's who becomes acquainted with Agapia at a party; in the epilogue, he becomes her lover. He also sucks so bad, I really cannot overstate how much of an irredeemable fuckboi he is. Relia is Agapia's older brother (I think he's older than Epistimia too but it's not ever clarified in the book), who gets drafted into the army, is tortured by Liatoukine and his men, and then dies on the battlefield. He is the saddest soggiest little meow meow on the face of the earth. [Note: I don't have any drawings of Relia where he isn't a vampire. In Momento Dracula he is not one.]
Paul Lessingham: From The Beetle. Unfortunately, I couldn't resist adding Beetle characters to this thing. Yes, Paul is a vampire; Dracula got him.
Queen Victoria and King Carol: Real people! Queen Victoria gets turned into a vampire in Anno Dracula as well, but it's handled, uh, extremely tastelessly. Carol I is the first King of Romania, crowned in 1866, and in this fic is having the weirdest night of his entire life.
I still like the idea of a devout religious vampire praying with a rosary and burning it's hands in some kind of masochistic penance for it's sins against nature...
a thing that was so interesting about the vampires in Sinners is genuinely what huge losers they are. get bit and immediately start talking like the most annoying youth pastor you know.
which is a really cool choice because it emphasizes how deeply Off they are. there are obviously the big tells in their behavior, like Bo not reacting to a man getting mauled five feet away or Cornbread getting weird at the door, but the way they speak is also really off with the cadence of the movie the audience has gotten accustomed to. the characters are friends, family, they know each other enough to make jokes, trade barbs, argue, swear. they talk in an informal, natural way with each other. one bite later and it's "excuse me my brothers and sisters in the one race, the human race, won't you pretty please let me come inside to rejoice in your company 🥺"
the kkkouple that remmick turns first are a really effective storytelling shorthand. we know basically nothing about them pre-vampening except that they're trigger happy racists, so when you see them turn up all smiles at a Black juke joint parroting everything remmick says you immediately get a pretty solid grasp of what getting bit does to a motherfucker
obviously I'm arriving to this party really late and I've already seen almost every bit of this movie dissected down to the minutia, but I've not seen anyone talk about klanwife's line about how the vampires are "starting a new klan, built on love." crazy good line, made me figuratively need to take a seat. really cuts right to the heart of the dissonance between what mr. o'vampire says he believes and the nightmare bullshit that he's actually doing.
I keep thinking about the big vampire group song because it's like. god this scene is good. it circles back to my point about remmick being a loser, because getting a couple dozen new vampire thralls and using them to do an elaborately choreographed song and dance is peak loser shit.
but it's also horrifying, absolutely horrifying, for the living characters who are looking on because a.) they're watching their dead family and friends and neighbors, most of whom are covered in blood and visibly injured, get danced around like puppets and b.) it's the first time the characters are really getting a taste of the hivemind bullshit the audience has already been clued in on and c.) sure, they're just dancing for now, but they're realizing just how many hungry vampires are waiting outside to kill them at the first opportunity and take Sammie. so that's a nightmare for them.
so you could read that as a deliberate intimidation tactic on remmick's part, trying to overwhelm the survivors into giving up, but then you're like, okay, maybe in his mind this is a display of how good it is to be a vampire. isn't it good? doesn't it look fun? look how much fun we're having! you could come have fun too if you want! just let me in :3 I don't think that's impossible, that he'd be totally oblivious to how he comes across. the newly-turned vampires seem pretty bad at faking their interpersonal skills; all memory of how to act human beyond the most superficial level seems to really go out the window pretty immediately. remmick seems a little cannier than that, since we see him try to play on people's emotions more than once--appealing to the kkkouple's fear of the Choctaw to gain their shelter when he realizes they're klan, trying to lower Mary's guard by sympathizing with her over her dead mother, pressuring Grace by threatening her daughter. obviously some of those efforts are more successful than others, but he at least seems to have an ability to read the room that other vampires lack.
but it's also not a stretch at all to think he might sincerely be that clueless, because that whole song and dance number is remmick's whole thesis statement, which is that when he says he believes in "equality" he means that he'll kill anyone and turn them into one of his tools regardless of who they are. like sure, whatever, I'm willing to believe that he does sincerely find the klan objectionable, but he's also just packed full of shit. his version of equality is one where everyone's equal under him, acting out his own culture and history for his pleasure. thinks he's not racist because he doesn't care that Sammie's Black but still wants to take away everything that makes Sammie an individual and just keep the musical talent to perform a crude facsimile of being Irish.
and this is getting so long but that scene of all the vampires dancing in step in the dark, cold and washed out, is contrasted so well with the earlier scene inside the juke where everyone is warmly lit, revolving around Sammie but not beholden to him, dancing in their own styles side by side with spirits of the past and future blending different styles and cultures. that scene is such a gorgeous visualization of musical traditions persisting through time and place, connecting people across generations, growing and changing fluidly as people take inspiration from the past, while all of remmick's songs show people being very forcibly trapped in the past, unable to grow or move on. when he encounters something beautiful in the present all he can think to do is own it, destroy it, bend it into the shape of history. pathetic!
From my perspective I didn’t pick up on the hivemind thing until Mary laughs and says ‘We’re gonna kill every last one of y’all’ and to me this is because I can tell she’s supposed to sound like the klan couple.
Which seems very contradictory to the post above right? It isn’t.
Go back before that when the three vampires try getting inside. They aren’t singing Irish ditties, they’re clearly singing something that the couple knew.
Rimmick never minded touching that culture and letting it affect how they come across. But he doesn’t touch black culture, in fact I’d say the more black people he gets the more he returns to his tradition.
The only thing that doesn’t line up fully with that being the baptism, which strikes me as Baptist even though Remmick would have been Catholic. Obviously it’s written this way because it happens to Sammy, whose story revolves around being a Baptist preacher’s son. But hivemind wise Remmick either picked it up from the klan or the black people or he recognized that it was something that they shared, that that was how religion was done there. And tbh I’m guessing it was just because it was shared between races. Because he’s performative.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
College friendship is sending one of your friends who's graduating soon a giant list of monster theory and gothic horror academic reading recs so they can download as many PDFs as possible before they lose their university database access
Got a request for some of the recs here, so here's a short-ish list of some of the reading recs -- I've made an effort to link open source and/or at least slightly more accessible databases like JSTOR wherever possible, but some of these are, admittedly behind various paywalls that I wish everyone luck with circumventing in whatever manner you deem fit
Monster Theory - Really great anthology to start with, especially the first reading, Jeffrey Jerome Cohen's famous "Monster Culture (Seven Theses)" which is a personal favorite
The Journal of the Fantastic in the Arts - A general SF/F journal, but there are definitely a lot of great monster theory and gothic horror readings sprinkled throughout. Consider taking a look at Veronica Hollinger's "The Vampire and/as Alien," the special issue on Dracula, and Faye J. Ringel's "Genetic Experimentation: Mad Scientists and the Beast," among others
Werewolf Histories edited by Willem Blécourt - Phenomenal anthology on werewolf scholarship, especially if you're interested in the connections between werewolves and witchcraft and/or witch trials in Early Modern Europe
Skin Shows: Gothic Horror and the Technology of Monsters by Jack Halberstam - Of interest to those who are interested in the connection between the gothic and gender (among other topics). Halberstam has written extensively on both
The Journal of Dracula Studies - Exactly what it sounds like.
Preternature: Critical and Historical Studies on the Preternatural - Another journal, which focuses on the connections between witchcraft and occultism, monsters, demonology, and the like.
Susan Stryker's "My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamounix" - An absolutely landmark piece of writing on Frankenstein and the transgender (and in particular the transfeminine) experience; one of my favorite pieces of academic writing of all time.
Speaking of Monsters: A Teratological Anthology - Another solid monster theory anthology
Arts of Living on a Damaged Planet: Ghosts and Monsters of the Anthropocene - A really, really good anthology about the ecological gothic that I cannot recommend enough. As a known werewolf guy I especially like the piece "Wolf, or Homo homini lupus" by Carla Freccero
The Vampire Lectures by Lawrence Rickels - So many vampires
Monster Culture in the 21st Century: A Reader - Another anthology, I in particular recommend Rosalind Sibielski's "Gendering the Monster Within: Biological Essentialism, Sexual Difference, and Changing Symbolic Functions of the Monster in Popular Werewolf Texts" in this one.
"The Trans Legacy of Frankenstein" by Jolene Zigarovich - Definitely a good read if you enjoyed the Stryker piece earlier; it's a more general survey of the idea but might give you some ideas for further reading
TransGothic in Literature and Culture - A whole anthology of works on transgender identity and the gothic!
Twenty-First Century Gothic: An Edinburgh Companion - Not to be confused with the other similarly named anthology earlier, this one is on various modern perspectives on the gothic.
"Christians and Jews in the Twelfth Century Werewolf Renaissance" by David A. Shyovitz - Stand-alone article but really really interesting
Wonders and the Order of Nature: 1150-1750 by Lorraine Daston & Katherine Park - Incredible volume that gets into several different subjects surrounding the fantastical in the medieval and early modern eras, monsters among them. The same authors have written some other fantastic work, such as "Unnatural Conceptions: The Study of Monsters in Sixteenth- and Seventeenth-Century France and England" and I honestly would recommend any of their work.
Monster Anthropology: Ethnographic Explorations of Transforming Social Worlds Through Monsters - A more anthropology focused volume, I particularly like Rozanna Lilley's "Drawing in the Margins: My Son's Arsenal of Monsters—(Autistic) Imagination and the Cultural Capital of Childhood"
Marvels, Monsters, and Miracles: Studies in the Medieval and Early Modern Imaginations - Another anthology, this time with a historical perspective
This isn't even everything I've dug into on the subject, but I hope it's enough to get folks started on some reading!
"Medieval Christians would have gone nuts for protons, neutrons, and electrons for trinity reasons" sounds like a jokey oversimplification historypost but I cannot really articulate how true that is. They would never shut up about it.
The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.
It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.
After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.
If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!
Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com
The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.
Thank you so much!
[ Link to survey ]
PS: You can see some regularly-updated statistics about incoming data here, with lots of demography and graphs to peruse!
Preview of Basilisk, my personal favorite of my risograph comics, and the project all my other recent medieval-inspired art descends from.
Styled after medieval illuminated manuscripts and printed using a custom color palette requiring 5 risograph inks (including metallic gold), Basilisk asks the question: what would drive a teenage girl to create a monster?
Physical copies available here (also digital here). To brag for a moment--this is my masterwork of riso printing and is even more impressive in person.
Are you familiar with the "Silvertree and Goldentree" version of Snow White? It could be really interesting to see a tale from the prince's second wife's perspective
Willowbark
I've never tried to compete with beauty--I'm too bony and freckle-faced for anyone to consider me more than passable. King Moonstone's first wife had been the most beautiful woman in the world, and she'd been killed for it. I was content to merely be cheerful, clever, plain, and alive.
Moonstone grieved his queen--if kings didn't need heirs, he'd never have married again--but my father needed the alliance, and arranged the marriage before anyone had a proper chance to object. Moonstone was good to me. He respected my wit and good nature; sometimes, he even smiled at my jokes. He made me mistress over his household--only her chamber was off-limits to me.
I never envied his first wife--from everything I'd heard, she deserved to be grieved like that. But I did wish to see that room. So, even though every standard of wifely duty demanded that I respect his wishes, one day, when he went out hunting, I...went in.
It wasn't hard to pick the lock--with only a few moments' work, the door swung open for me. At first, I saw what I expected--furniture, clothing, belongings, all sitting in their place and neatly dusted, as if waiting for the return of the deceased. Then, some awful curiosity made me push aside the curtains that surrounded the bed.
And then I saw the body.
The portraits in the palace hadn't done her justice. Queen Goldtree was beauty itself--luminous pale skin, glistening black hair, every line and feature of her face perfectly symmetrical. Though she'd been dead for more than a year, she looked for all the world like she'd just fallen asleep, as if a mere touch could bring her back to full life. I couldn't wonder that Moonstone had never buried her--putting her in the ground would have felt like burying her alive.
Goldtree's hands were folded on top of her covers, with smooth, slender, tapered fingers, not knobby and work-worn like mine. I examined them carefully, astounded by the difference. Then I saw the thorn in her right forefinger--barely more than a sliver, but it stood out as the only thing marring the perfection of that hand. Even though she was dead, it looked painful. Of course I removed it.
Not even a minute later, Goldtree stirred.
I screamed.
Goldtree sat upright, scared...I can't say to death, because she'd just stopped being dead, but I'm sure there are nicer ways to return to the land of the living.
"Who are you?" she asked me. Even her voice was beautiful--low and sweet, like distant birdsong in a woodland glade.
"I...I am Queen...Queen Willowbark," I stammered.
She bowed her head in graceful acknowledgement. "How do you come into my chambers?"
"I...opened the door." I babbled. "My husband was from home and I've so wanted to look inside."
"Who is your husband?" Goldtree asked me.
I felt all the blood drain from my face. The enormity of what this meant had just hit me. I wanted to hide it from her, but what was the point? She would need to learn the truth eventually.
"My husband," I said, "is King Moonstone."
I explained as best I could--neither of us could fathom by what magic she could seem dead for so long and wake so suddenly--and she did her best to understand. When Moonstone returned, Goldtree asked me to meet him alone, and I agreed it was best--it would do no good to set the palace in an uproar before Moonstone could learn the news for himself.
I dressed and met him in the dining room for dinner. His mind was far away--it usually wandered somewhere down the paths of grief--and I didn't know where to begin. How could I confess that I'd disobeyed the one command he'd given me--but how could he be angry with the results?
"Moonstone," I said at last. "You know that I would give anything to make you happy."
Moonstone sighed over his dinner plate. "I know you would, my queen, if anything it was possible to give could cheer me."
"I know of only one thing," I said. "Your wife, Goldtree, alive again."
He smiled sadly at that. "If only that were possible."
"If you will go into her room, you will find that it is."
The reunion between the two of them was wonderful to behold. For the first time in my marriage, I saw my husband radiant with joy, rejoicing in the love of another woman.
Naturally, I had no place there, and as soon as the first raptures were over and Moonstone could look at anything that wasn't Goldtree, I told him that I would prepare to return home to my father.
"I won't make you endure such disgrace," Moonstone said. "Not after you performed such a great service for me."
"You have one wife," I said. "You do not need another."
Yet the terms of our marriage alliance needed to be resolved, and it would take time to untangle the situation.
"There is no reason you cannot stay here," Goldtree said, "as an honored friend to both of us."
Jealousy has never been part of my nature, and it was so clear that Moonstone belonged with Goldtree that I couldn't begrudge their happiness. Goldtree was beautiful, kind, and sweet, and she admired my wit and pluck.
After a few days, Goldtree told me the story of how she'd died. Her mother, who'd grown so jealous of her daughter's beauty, came to visit her. Goldtree suspected murderous intentions and locked herself in her chamber, but her mother--sly and manipulative toward the daughter who'd always hungered for her love--wept and lamented over her heartlessness, and begged her to at least touch the keyhole, so her mother might at least touch the tip of her finger. The moment Goldtree obeyed, her mother stabbed her with the poisoned thorn that had left her in the sleep like death.
The moment I heard the story, I swore to protect Goldtree. A mother so heartless would attack again the moment she learned her daughter was alive, and a daughter so vulnerable would need a clear-sighted friend to protect her.
About three months after Goldtree's resurrection, Moonstone went out on another hunting trip. Goldtree and I kept the castle running in his absence. At dawn the next day, I heard Goldtree scream from one of the castle towers. She came to me in a panic and told me that she'd seen a longship come into the harbor--the same type that had been piloted by her stepmother.
"She is here to kill me!" Goldtree gasped. "You must help me hide!"
Hiding had not saved Goldtree last time. I took her hand firmly in mine. "No," I said. "We will face her together."
We reached the harbor just as Goldtree's mother, Queen Silvertree, disembarked from her ship. Silvertree was just as lovely as her daughter, if a bit worn and gray around the edges--until you looked into her eyes and caught a flash of a soul that was ugly as sin.
Servants came behind her, bearing traditional gifts between monarchs--fabrics, fruits, chests of jewels. The queen herself carried a bottle of wine and a golden goblet studded with diamonds.
Queen Silvertree held out her arms, as if to embrace her daughter from a hundred feet away. "Goldtree, my darling daughter! How glad I am to see you recovered from that horrible accident. Come and greet your loving mother."
Goldtree shrank away, stepping behind me.
Silvertree's smile turned to stone. "If you won't greet me as your mother," she said, "you have a duty to greet me as a queen." At a gesture from her, a servant uncorked the bottle of wine, and Silvertree filled the golden goblet. "It is tradition for a monarch to drink wine with a newly-arrived visitor."
She held out the golden goblet, and Goldtree, though terrified, stepped forward as if she couldn't help herself. She knew the tradition as well as her mother did--refusing risked an international incident that would further complicate our complicated situation. I could not step forward as queen without making that complicated situation even more public.
But I could step forward as a friend. I put myself between Goldtree and her mother, and pushed back the goblet with one hand.
I looked Queen Silvertree in her cold, dead eyes. "In our country," I said, "it is tradition for the monarch offering the wine to drink first."
She would not back down. Neither would I. She had invoked tradition to entrap her daughter, and I would follow it to the letter to protect her.
At last, that beautiful monster gave way. She held the cup to her lips and tilted it back the slightest fraction, barely pretending to drink. She was slow, careful not to let the liquid touch her lips.
I was fast. I lunged forward and knocked the stem of the cup upward. The wine--thick, blood-red, fragrant--spilled down her face, onto her dress, and into her perfect mouth. The moment the wine hit her stomach, she fell down dead.
I can't say that the situation got less complicated after that, but dozens of witnesses could attest that Queen Silvertree had died from a poisoned drink offered by her own hand, so I wasn't charged with murder. Goldtree was free from the terror that had so often endangered her life. I was hailed as a heroine who'd saved the queen twice over, and the king who loved her rewarded me well. Eventually, I married again, falling in love with one of Moonstone's most loyal knights, who didn't mind entangling himself in our complicated situation. Goldtree and I remained close as sisters, and we still see each other as often as we can.
I don't mind that her beauty outshines mine. I find it's much better for me to shine just as I am.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
“spicy pillow” jokes aside, I think @flowerkrone’s tags deserve a serious reply:
#my old phone looks like this on my shelf lmao #im too scared to touch it to throw it away #idk what trash this even goes into when its at this point
The pillow-shaped object here used to be the phone’s battery. It’s not a battery anymore. Now it’s a balloon full of corrosive, pyrophoric chemicals and hydrogen gas and it’s one puncture away from burning your house down. I am 100% serious. You should be scared to touch it.
But you gotta touch it, because you gotta get it out of your house before the pressure builds up to the point where the balloon pops. This isn’t going to happen soon – there is no need to panic – but it will happen eventually.
And, indeed, it doesn’t go in the ordinary trash. You put this in the ordinary trash and you’re gonna set the garbage truck on fire. Don’t do that to the garbage collectors, their job is hard enough already.
The first thing you need to do is get a fireproof container. The most common household item that qualifies as a fireproof container is a cast-iron cookpot with a cast-iron lid – often sold as a “Dutch oven.” Any other cooking container that’s unreactive, has a very high melting point, and has a lid made of the same materials will also work: enameled or stainless steel, Pyrex with glass lid, etc.
However: Do not use a pot with a PTFE-based non-stick coating. If the battery does explode, the fire will probably be hot enough to degrade a PTFE coating, producing toxic smoke. (Not that you should breathe the smoke from the battery fire either, but PTFE breakdown products are worse.) Do not use a pot made of aluminium or copper. The fire might even get hot enough to melt those.
Whatever container you use, you might have to throw away along with the phone, so don’t use your good Dutch oven for this. Go to a thrift store and buy a cheap one.
Once you have the fireproof container:
Gently pick up the phone and put it in the fireproof container. If possible, gently tape the phone to the bottom of the container to prevent it from bouncing around. Don’t put any padding in there, that’ll just make a fire worse if it does happen. Put the lid on and tape it shut.
Put a label on the container, something like “DEFECTIVE LI-ION BATTERY – FIRE HAZARD”.
It is now reasonably safe to move the container around. However, if the battery does explode, the container is very likely to leak smoke and get hot, so keep it in a well-ventilated area and away from things that will be damaged by heat. Don’t leave it exposed to the weather, either.
You need to find either a hazardous waste disposal site, or an e-waste recycler that will accept defective Li-ion batteries. I can’t help with that because I have no idea where you live.
However, your local fire department, if you have one, will probably be happy to help. Call their non-emergency number. Nothing is on fire yet, so this isn’t an emergency, but things that can easily start a fire are still within the fire department’s responsibilities. Tell them you have a phone with a bulging lithium-ion battery, you put it in a fireproof container, and you want to know how to dispose of it safely.
If the fire department tries to tell you this isn’t dangerous or it’s okay to throw it out in the regular trash (with or without fireproof container), hang up on them and write a cranky letter to your local government representatives, then keep looking for a proper disposal site.
When you do find a a hazardous waste disposal site or an e-waste recycler, call them and make sure they will take defective Li-ion batteries, before showing up. That’s also a good time to ask if they will let you have the fireproof container back.
I have a new standard for the level of haterdom to aspire to, and it's Reddit User KismaiAesthetics, who hates doing laundry so much that he got really good at it, so that he can (I quote) do it right the first time, every time, and get back to watching cat videos on the Internet.
and by "really good at it," I mean that he does a bunch of reading on the chemistry of laundry, subscribes to academic journals about laundry, and buys a bunch of different laundry products (including from outside the US) to scrutinize their ingredients and test them for himself. he writes a bunch of incredibly detailed longposts about his findings on /r/laundry and his website, which is also about laundry. he even got interviewed about his laundryposts, in which he revealed he's writing a book about laundry. this man is like ahab and the white whale, if ahab had a reddit account and moby dick was a pile of clothes with cheeseburger stains on them
anyway the reason I encountered this guy was because recently, the household washer has been leaving these gross little oily brown flakes on anything washed in it. this is kind of a big problem for me, given that I not only have (literal, diagnosed, medicated) OCD which includes a contagion phobia, I also sew a bunch of stuff with the intent of gifting or selling it, and sometimes that involves prewashing fabric. only, you know, washing is supposed to make things cleaner, not dirtier.
and my research brought me to (gross photos warning!) Kismai's post on the very topic. apparently this stuff is called "scrud," and it's basically a residue that forms over time inside the nooks and crannies of a washing machine - leftover detergent reacting with mineral traces in tapwater to form a buildup that also traps dyes, grease, and other dirt, which bacteria then feeds on, because it wasn't already gross enough. it forms faster if you have hard water, use too much detergent (which most people do), use fabric softener, wash only on cold and the list goes on and on - point is, scrud is the reason that you have to actually clean your washing machine, or be super fastidious about how you do laundry.
(I'll take "things I wish school/my parents actually taught me" for 800)
so now I am engaged in a lengthy battle against scrud, armed with a tub of oxiclean and a sack of citric acid crystals. (we're renters, so disassembling the machine is out of the question.) pour in a scoop of oxiclean, run a machine clean cycle, pour in a scoop of citric acid, run another machine clean cycle, all while wiping piles and piles of scrud out of the drum at the end of each cycle. I'm on the eighth cycle now. there's still so much scrud. the reddit record for "how many cleaning cycles were needed to get a machine entirely free of scrud" is 22 cycles. help
it turns out that laundry sucks significantly less when your clothes and sheets and etc actually come out of the machine looking, feeling, and smelling clean, rather than looking, feeling, and smelling like despair dipped in slime
like, I have this pillowsheet I call my Depression Era Pillowsheet, because during a Real Bad Time of my life when 90% of all I could do was lie in bed and cry, that was the pillowsheet I laid and cried on. this went on for weeks, and it was never changed out because, again, 90% of my waking hours were Lie In Bed And Cry Hours. it did eventually get changed out, but no matter how many washes I put it through, it remained stained and slimy. like I'd throw it in every time I washed my clothes and it would still come out feeling like someone had applied a fresh layer of Weeping Slime Laminate to it. someone with more sense probably would have thrown it out but idk, I just never did for some reason
anyway! taking some pointers from the freaks over at /r/laundry, I grabbed an enzyme-based detergent, a booster (thing of More Enzymes and oxygen bleach that you add alongside detergent to make it clean gooder), and washed everything on hot (in a machine without a scrud problem), including the Depression Era Pillowsheet. it finally came out looking and feeling like fresh clean cotton?? what?? I hadn't even done the whole "soak it for 24 hours in various unsettling substances" thing??? wack
i don't really like it when western mythological terms are applied haphazardly to essentially unrelated ideas. this is a completely lost battle but a lóng is really not a dragon, it is its own thing with only surface level similarities
i especially dislike many works that try to fold all sorts of different mythologies into a single consistent schema because they tend to heavily privilege western conceptions in doing so- see 'dragonology' books twisting basically every mythical reptilian under the sun into the mould of 'a species of dragon', implicitly centring the beowulf-style firebreather as the default from which all other mythologies derive, or basically anything that does worldwide vampire bloodlines
relatedly a qílín is not a unicorn, a fènghuáng is not a phoenix, and a jiāngshī is not a vampire, and it can impede understanding when they're approached from the standpoint of being the 'chinese version' of these concepts from western myth
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
@sherbertilluminated there's a line somewhere in Ursula Vernon's Digger that goes something like "it is difficult to be metaphysical around the truly geologically minded"
[This was originally written for a thread in a Discord server before it, ah, ballooned in size and is hence being posted here for easier reading and less disruption. This is not a comprehensive analysis by any means, doesn't contain full development of ideas, and is rather informal.]
[I also do not have a way to spoiler-tag on Tumblr. Most or all spoilers are pretty vague and refer to single scenes or narrative threads.]
I am returned from Nolan's Odyssey! Overall thoughts: in a vacuum, this is a pretty good to quite good film. The cinematography is mostly effective (horrendously juddery in many places, which both makes some parts -- being chased around in a dark cave, the crush to get out of Athena's burning temple, etc. -- very good at disorienting the audience in a way that doesn't feel pointless and also makes others fucking annoying, e.g., being unable to make your eyes focus on anything in the Troy sacking sequence, which leaves you with the impression that "faceless women are being slaughtered", which was probably intentional but is… more headache-inducing than pathos-touching).
the stand-out here is the monsters, Scylla and [Polyphemus]. They're very effective, in large part because the movie conceals them -- for most of the time they're on screen being threats, you don't quite see enough of them to get a sense on where they are. Something is coming out of nowhere and eating people, and you get limbs or pieces of a face and you have to fight to resolve it into a whole.
Nolan et al. are also pretty good, for the most part, at building emotionally resonant narrative threads. There's this one thing with a dog that's surprisingly effective, and the revelation that the Athena hallucination is a priestess of Athena whom Odysseus saw brutally killed by his men, which is foreshadowed by Troy being the only place with a distinct visual identity and Zendaya's outfit having that same visual identity, and then having that hallucination be an incarnation of his guilt over Troy when he's finally talking with Penelope again and finally confronting his feelings about Troy and his role in its destruction, is very well done indeed.
also the score is pretty good. I think they had Ludwig Goransson on board, so that makes sense. The actors generally did great jobs; no major comments there. There were no obvious "aw man you're a bad actor" incidents, which I know is a low bar but it cleared it. Penelope and Helen were very effective, Odysseus and Telemachus were pretty good, Circe was… creepy in a way I liked well enough and then really effective when she was telling off Odysseus. The only ones who come to mind as mid were Calypso and Agamemnon, both bit parts.
[Given I'm posting this on the wider internet, I ought to clarify that while I think all of the following are definite issues, they are less than I have with many movies. This was a fine and enjoyable film by a talented set of people, and I'm not denying they put their hearts into it and I'm not shaming you for liking it. In a vacuum, I liked it. With that said:]
craft concerns:
the plate armor people should have just been cut. They are on screen for perhaps seven minutes and are of literally zero benefit to the plot; they just destroy two of Odysseus's ships and kill all of the men aboard, which could have been brought about just as well by Polyphemus -- whom I have thoughts on later -- destroying two of the ships, or, hey, your offscreen Poseidon doing that. They're wasted time. If you're going to have them, have someone comment on the fact that they used a child as bait and compare it to the horse. If you're going to go for the angle that Odysseus's idea to take advantage of the Trojans' trust via the horse, which isn't even what they do in the movie, (a) is a violation of xenia (b) destroys the moral fabric of the world and brings on the Bronze Age Collapse, you need to like. Develop that theme before the last fifteen minutes of the movie. And this is such an obvious way to do it.
the religious hysteria when they decide Polyphemus was muttering Poseidon's name and must therefore -- inexplicably, before any weather has turned or anything -- be his son is really not well developed. "From then on any misfortune was more proof in the men's minds that Poseidon was against us." --Odysseus to Calypso, paraphrased. And they decide it immediately after they leave his island, and the way this is done is one guy stating "you know he was Poseidon's son?" Someone asks why. "Because he was saying Poseidon's name." (He was just blubbering in pain and/or speaking an unintelligible language. It was not resolvable as Poseidon.)
also, the presence of the gods is zig-zagged with Odysseus defying them and getting away with it versus all of his men being very literally and obviously killed by the hands of Zeus and Poseidon, because they've killed some cows that directly belong to another god, without priests or anything as intermediaries, and intentionally sparing Odysseus for not touching the herd. And then there's the renunciation, "your gods" (said to another character), which is… odd… and not fully developed. There is a longer thread of him defying the gods, [which was a concern of the Discord server in that it reflects a modern atheist viewpoint more than an earnest attempt to adopt an ancient Greek viewpoint, to reflect the actual text, or to deal with the interesting question "what if the gods were gits and you couldn't deny that they were real?",] but... it's developed but not effectively, you know?
Characterize Ithaca, please. If it is worth raising an army to defend from the Sea Peoples, I want to see why. All I know about it is that Penelope wants to defend it, Odysseus and his men care enough to want to go home (the men here being the thing that partially characterizes Ithaca), and it produced the fucking suitors. whom I hate. (the movie was very effective at that.) Penelope is stuck in the palace for social reasons, but the viewer is not; can we not get five minutes (possibly reallocated from the redundant plate armor people) in the streets seeing what's so worth fighting for? It can be in the past or in the present, I'm not picky.
I would have liked to see Odysseus honoring his men. They deserved that, and it would have hit me in the emotions.
and now for the star of the show: the fucking Sea Peoples and the double-fucking BRONZE AGE COLLAPSE REFERENCES. The film goes for a thing where Odysseus's men are maybe the Sea People? and/or at least responsible for some of the phenomenon, showing up and raiding places in order to get home, but then doesn't commit fully to that and also has part of it be real Sea Peoples. Probably.
One or two nods in the background would have been fine and an amusing historical reference -- what, you're getting raided by mysterious people in kinds of boats you don't recognize, acting basically like Vikings? that could be Odysseus and his guys, or it could be the Sea Peoples! fun historical reference! -- but holy crap it is over-done. They are a looming threat that isn't tied into the actual plot, but they receive so much screen time -- probably we spend more time hearing people in the palace talk about them than we do on the goddamn plate armor guys -- that it's clear the writers want you to think they're clever, and/or want there to be enough references to "Sea Peoples" and "Bronze Age" to maybe make a non-historically-inclined audience dredge up "oh, Bronze Age Collapse caused by Sea Peoples! ooh cool!" from the depths of their sixth-grade history knowledge, even if it takes eight different mentions.
And HOLY FUCK it is IMPOSSIBLE to take the way Nolan et al. decided to spend the end of the movie -- ham-handedly foreshadowing the Bronze Age Collapse -- seriously. Somehow, Odysseus Just Knows that him breaking xenia has caused the Sea People Apocalypse. And that there's going to be a Sea People Apocalypse specifically. This is not creeping guilt or him blaming himself for the decay of civilizations in a more abstract sense, or a xenia-focused sense, or anything that would be narratively fitting -- he literally knows the Bronze Age Collapse is coming, and that it's going to be called that, and that, apparently, everyone who can write or compose worth a darn is going to stop existing, so "through the dark ages to come" their story will only be sung. (There's no evidence of writing in the film, and I've added the word compose.) I nearly uncontrollably cackled in the theater over "Our age of bronze is collapsing" because I forgot it was coming. I just… that's the thing I chose to monologue about to my parents. It's the most blatant craft fault in this film.
philosophical concerns:
The mixed cast is handled very well for the most part; actors slot fluidly into characters and positions without the movie going "wowww look at us we're being so diverse," like I've seen some other things do. The problem is that all of your white people are from northwest europe, or are americans whose ancestors are from northwest europe. In this adaptation of an ancient greek epic. It's not like the greek people went extinct sometime between then and now, and you don't even have the dubious excuse that their language went extinct like you might if you were adapting the tale of the shipwrecked sailor (ancient egyptian). they're literally right there.
Polyphemus: holy shit I have complaints about Polyphemus. I am… very curious… about why they made him nonverbal. (Or at least gave him no speaking lines except for some pained blubbering.) The in-text explanation is "do you talk to ants?", but it plays into a stereotype sooo blatantly. A nonverbal, implicitly mentally disabled person with a facial abnormality? Woooowwww, so original… (What I mean by facial abnormality here is not the one eye, which is completely expected cyclops behavior; it's the nose being randomly turned ninety degrees. I assume they did this to essentially make the nose match the eye, but it ends up looking like, well, a facial abnormality that someone might actually have a version of.) IDK. This sort of thing is pretty common in movies, so I'm not accusing Nolan of more ableism and face bias than the rest of Hollywood, but it's still very much there.
and you could fix this so easily. Put the nose on a vertical axis. Then have Odysseus and his men, who are hoping for dinner and provisions under the rules of xenia/Zeus's law, greet him when he enters (being surprised at him being a giant cyclops, but still trying to say hi and establish a dialogue). Have Polyphemus just dismiss them completely, maybe shaking his head and laughing and saying "ants!" or "you presume [something or other making his viewpoint clear]?" Note also that when Polyphemus enters the movie Odysseus has just said "let's stoke the fire and welcome the owner back!" in exchange for getting to eat their very good cheese. Instead they all go silent and draw their weapons.
[insert general concerns of this thread]
also the aesthetic is very very generic hollywood dark medieval, but we knew that was coming. the only place with a consistent visual identity is Troy, which is used for good foreshadowing one quite effective time, but I cannot tell Ithaca from anywhere else.
also², Odysseus looks like an idiot multiple times in this movie, which could have just been avoided, but this is eight thousand characters over budget and I'm not going to talk about that.
anyway, in a vacuum I'd give this film an 85/100. it avoided making me hate it, but when it's dumb it's really dumb.