adult - he/they - one of many - not straight - not cis - not white - not human
Call me Phosphor!
I’m just here (very reluctantly, given tumblr’s Everything) for my friends and my fandoms, and I read much more than I post. I expect that I’ll mostly post Fallen London stuff (namely my OCs and my fanmade sigils) but who knows. I may occasionally post things on my headmate Lark’s behalf, including stuff about his own FL OC. (You can find him on his own blog as well, at @lutekeeper.)
Anyone who’s not a TERF/Nazi/etc is welcome to follow. I believe in good faith and in caring about people despite their messiness; I have no fondness for exclusionism, puritanism, or the slapfighting that passes for “discourse” on social media. Do with this information what you will.
Tags/posts of interest:
My Correspondence sigil art
My "what even is Fallen London" guidepost
References for canon Correspondence sigils
(more info below the cut)
Other links:
My system’s website
My account on the fediverse, where most of my personal posting happens - instance is set to allowlist only because I got tired of Nazi whack-a-mole, but if you want to follow me and your instance isn’t allowlisted, let me know and I’ll add it. (If you don’t have a fedi account but want one, here’s a few instances.)
My blog, where I keep many of my longposts, including some that I don't put here or on fedi.
FAQ
Why am I blocked?
See this post.
Are you still drawing Correspondence sigils/taking requests?
Yes! I go long periods where I don't draw any because I'm prone to getting deleted by seasonal depression and other health woes, but it's always okay to send in requests as long as you understand that it may be a while until I get to it.
Can I get a tattoo of one of your sigils/use it in my Fallen London fanart/brand it onto my Fallen London OC’s back/(some other personal noncommercial use that doesn’t involve blockchain or AI)?
Yes, go ahead! No credit needed.
Can I make NF*Ts of your sigils/use your sigils to train my AI/(some other techbro junk)?
No. Fuck off.
Can I use your sigils in a non-techbro commercial project?
Ask me first! If it’s something like slapping my art onto T-shirts, almost certainly no. If it’s something like “I’m drawing my Correspondent OC for a Neathy charity zine and want to use one of your designs,” then it’ll probably be fine - but again, ask me first!
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Okay, Warframe Amir fandom. Saying this as an autistic, ADHD-having trauma survivor - I want to say something. Specifically, about the way people have been reacting to the Fables and Frontiers arc, because it has been causing me (and other people I know) a lot of frustration.
You might find this post difficult to engage with. I've made a genuine effort to be as kind about my feelings as possible, but there's still criticism and tough topics behind the cut. Keep an eye on your body. If you begin getting agitated, it's okay to step away. If you need to block me, whether temporarily or permanently, that's okay too. I genuinely won't hold it against you.
I have two major issues with how people in the fandom have been reacting to the arc.
The first: I want to make it clear that it's okay to be upset. It's okay to feel like you were bait-and-switched. It's okay to be critical of the writing. I personally think that the devs should have been more clear that this story arc was going to be an emotionally rough one and not just light-hearted fluff, and I think the ending needed more room to breathe and resolve. As you can see, I have my criticisms too.
However: it is not okay to witch-hunt the devs. It is not okay to harass them. Not everyone has done this, for sure - if you haven't done this, if all you've done is grumble without sending hate or calling for the sending of hate, this doesn't apply to you. But if you have, then I really need to make it clear that harassment isn't okay behavior. I don't think people who harass others are irredeemably, ontologically Bad People - I think it's more likely they're folks who are going through a lot of things that make them feel powerless and that they're lashing out because it gives them a semblance of control over the Lot Of Things - but speaking as someone who was in that place in the past and made those mistakes, it's behavior that doesn't accomplish anything good. Not for the people being harassed, obviously, but also not for yourselves.
I can't stress enough how important it is to work on learning emotional regulation and finding alternate outlets of venting frustration. Grouse with some friends in a private server or on your personal blog! Go for a run - if your body and environment allow for it, physical activity is great for burning off adrenaline! Write fix-it fanfic! Anything goes as long as it isn't doing harm to others or yourself - if it can't be avoided entirely, then reducing it is also an accomplishment!
That leads into my second point. Something I've repeatedly seen is people claiming that the way Amir was written this update is OOC. That he would never lash out the way that he did at his friends. That it misrepresents ND people. And - again, saying this as a ND trauma survivor who likes him! - I strongly disagree.
Difficulty regulating your emotions is a symptom of autism, ADHD, and PTSD. We know, pretty much for sure, that he has at least two of these - he describes varying ADHD symptoms in almost textbook format and he's struggling with a tremendous amount of self-hatred from a lifetime of alienation and ridicule, to say nothing about the absolutely hellish situation he's in right now. (Actually, we will say something about that in a bit.) Emotional dysregulation can take many forms: panic attacks, hiding and crying... if you're on Tumblr, the gay neurospicy trauma website, you're probably familiar with these. But - speaking from personal experience on many fronts! - it can take some profoundly ugly forms as well. Lashing out at people, guilt-tripping them, threatening them, gouging at their wounds.
Sometimes these reactions seem to come "from nowhere," from people who you never thought capable of having a mean bone in their body. I have had multiple friends who seemed nothing but sweet, shy, and funny, until their situations boiled over and they began lashing out. I myself am someone usually described as friendly, thoughtful, and forgiving, and yet as recently as the last year I've had an episode where I've boiled over and guilt-tripped people I cared about with the prospect of my suicide. My point is: sometimes being neurodivergent isn't just hyperfixations; sometimes trauma isn't something that only hurts you. Sometimes they'll cause you to act in less-than-admirable ways, ways that disgust you to your core and make you want to crawl out of your skin with self-loathing and fear that you're no better than the people who made you this way - and while this behavior indeed isn't great and should be worked on when possible, it's also a normal part of ND/trauma survivor life that should be accepted and shown compassion, not dismissed or demonized, because people's worth, your worth, is not contingent on your ability to be pure.
To say it again: sometimes neurodivergence and trauma are ugly and cause us to act in ugly ways. This is something that is our responsibility to work on, to learn emotional regulation and to ask for help instead of letting things boil over. And yet, this is also something that needs to be accepted and treated with compassion - it is not something that makes us less.
So, you can see why I not only think Amir wasn't OOC in this arc, but why his writing, his messiness and ugliness, was actually really important to me to see. You can see why I think it's more than understandable why he acted this way, given that he's not only ND and traumatized, but actively trapped in a hellish situation that gives him very little agency, while very possibly being manipulated by a malicious god who outright targets relationships and takes vicious glee in turning family and friends against each other. I'm not saying that I think the writing for this arc was perfect - again, I especially feel like the ending was rushed and abrupt. I really want to see a bunch of things addressed that weren't, like the Round Table's callousness, the Man in the Wall's possible manipulation, followups with Amir where we both check in on how he's doing and spend non-combat time with him while also getting a more coherent apology from him, and so forth. (Though I do think there will be followups, provided that the outcry hasn't scared them away from tackling tough topics. The whole vibe of the update, to me, was "we aren't done with the 1999 NPCs.") But of the criticisms I personally have with the writing, Amir being OOC is not one of them, and as someone who found it really meaningful that the uglier side of ND/trauma was shown, the fandom's reaction has frustrated and alienated me a lot. And I know from talking to others that I'm not the only one!
It might be that, after all that, some of you will still disagree with me. That's okay - differing interpretations of fiction have existed for as long as fiction itself has existed. But I do want to close this out by making it clear that none of this is written out of scorn for Amir. He's not my favorite Hex member (Quincy is) but I loved him a great deal before this update and I love him just as much, if not more now. It's precisely because I appreciate him, warts and all, for the Whole Adult Person he is - not just as comic relief or the leet hacker or the team puppy or whatever - that I'm writing this post.
After all, when you can see the ugliness that lives in your own self inside a character, and love him all the same... it becomes that much easier to love yourself, doesn't it? I'd say so.
Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I have approximately 200 pages of the Fallen London TTRPG core book preview to dissect for typos and lore inconsistencies and the feedback form closes tomorrow, oh boy! I gotta stop procrastinating and get cracking on that! I'm probably going to mute notifications on this post so I don't get distracted, but I'll reiterate - if you really need to, if this has been triggering and you need to Not see anything by me for the next however-long, it's okay to block me. I won't be upset with you. Be kind to yourselves.
Looping back to this on my break (read: I realized that the FL TTRPG feedback form closes Friday, not tomorrow, and then proceeded to read like five pages before taking a nap and dicking around in Void Proxima, because ADHD) and first of all, thank you for all of the kind comments. I'm glad I could help people put to words what was bothering them and I'm glad the post could also help folks process their own complicated feelings around the update.
Secondly... maybe this is out of line for me to speculate on in public, but I genuinely worry about the people who are reacting with such vitriol to what they perceive as "OOC" writing for a traumatized ND character. Because I think a lot of those people are themselves traumatized and ND, and I don't think they're free of emotional dysregulation issues. (I mean, that's the great irony of the fandom's response to this update, isn't it? It's emotional dysregulation all the way down.) And it's like... if you're unable to recognize and approach with compassion a fictional character's emotional dysregulation, if you can only conceive of it as him being Suddenly A Bad Person, then how do you approach that behavior in yourself, when (not if!) it happens? Do you eat yourself alive with self-hatred, in full belief that it means you're a Fundamentally Bad Person who can never change? Do you turn away and deny it - claim that this time, it's justified, that it's wrong when others do it but it's moral and just and rational when it's from you?
Neither of these is great for your long-term emotional or social health. (Or physical!) It took me over twenty years to finally begin to understand this, and understanding was just the beginning - I'm still learning how to practice it. But it was so worth it. I know that it's hard to do when you're isolated in a world on fire, in a social environment that incentivizes outrage and reactivity, but I really cannot stress how much the sooner you start, the more life (better life) you'll have to live.
Okay, Warframe Amir fandom. Saying this as an autistic, ADHD-having trauma survivor - I want to say something. Specifically, about the way people have been reacting to the Fables and Frontiers arc, because it has been causing me (and other people I know) a lot of frustration.
You might find this post difficult to engage with. I've made a genuine effort to be as kind about my feelings as possible, but there's still criticism and tough topics behind the cut. Keep an eye on your body. If you begin getting agitated, it's okay to step away. If you need to block me, whether temporarily or permanently, that's okay too. I genuinely won't hold it against you.
I have two major issues with how people in the fandom have been reacting to the arc.
The first: I want to make it clear that it's okay to be upset. It's okay to feel like you were bait-and-switched. It's okay to be critical of the writing. I personally think that the devs should have been more clear that this story arc was going to be an emotionally rough one and not just light-hearted fluff, and I think the ending needed more room to breathe and resolve. As you can see, I have my criticisms too.
However: it is not okay to witch-hunt the devs. It is not okay to harass them. Not everyone has done this, for sure - if you haven't done this, if all you've done is grumble without sending hate or calling for the sending of hate, this doesn't apply to you. But if you have, then I really need to make it clear that harassment isn't okay behavior. I don't think people who harass others are irredeemably, ontologically Bad People - I think it's more likely they're folks who are going through a lot of things that make them feel powerless and that they're lashing out because it gives them a semblance of control over the Lot Of Things - but speaking as someone who was in that place in the past and made those mistakes, it's behavior that doesn't accomplish anything good. Not for the people being harassed, obviously, but also not for yourselves.
I can't stress enough how important it is to work on learning emotional regulation and finding alternate outlets of venting frustration. Grouse with some friends in a private server or on your personal blog! Go for a run - if your body and environment allow for it, physical activity is great for burning off adrenaline! Write fix-it fanfic! Anything goes as long as it isn't doing harm to others or yourself - if it can't be avoided entirely, then reducing it is also an accomplishment!
That leads into my second point. Something I've repeatedly seen is people claiming that the way Amir was written this update is OOC. That he would never lash out the way that he did at his friends. That it misrepresents ND people. And - again, saying this as a ND trauma survivor who likes him! - I strongly disagree.
Difficulty regulating your emotions is a symptom of autism, ADHD, and PTSD. We know, pretty much for sure, that he has at least two of these - he describes varying ADHD symptoms in almost textbook format and he's struggling with a tremendous amount of self-hatred from a lifetime of alienation and ridicule, to say nothing about the absolutely hellish situation he's in right now. (Actually, we will say something about that in a bit.) Emotional dysregulation can take many forms: panic attacks, hiding and crying... if you're on Tumblr, the gay neurospicy trauma website, you're probably familiar with these. But - speaking from personal experience on many fronts! - it can take some profoundly ugly forms as well. Lashing out at people, guilt-tripping them, threatening them, gouging at their wounds.
Sometimes these reactions seem to come "from nowhere," from people who you never thought capable of having a mean bone in their body. I have had multiple friends who seemed nothing but sweet, shy, and funny, until their situations boiled over and they began lashing out. I myself am someone usually described as friendly, thoughtful, and forgiving, and yet as recently as the last year I've had an episode where I've boiled over and guilt-tripped people I cared about with the prospect of my suicide. My point is: sometimes being neurodivergent isn't just hyperfixations; sometimes trauma isn't something that only hurts you. Sometimes they'll cause you to act in less-than-admirable ways, ways that disgust you to your core and make you want to crawl out of your skin with self-loathing and fear that you're no better than the people who made you this way - and while this behavior indeed isn't great and should be worked on when possible, it's also a normal part of ND/trauma survivor life that should be accepted and shown compassion, not dismissed or demonized, because people's worth, your worth, is not contingent on your ability to be pure.
To say it again: sometimes neurodivergence and trauma are ugly and cause us to act in ugly ways. This is something that is our responsibility to work on, to learn emotional regulation and to ask for help instead of letting things boil over. And yet, this is also something that needs to be accepted and treated with compassion - it is not something that makes us less.
So, you can see why I not only think Amir wasn't OOC in this arc, but why his writing, his messiness and ugliness, was actually really important to me to see. You can see why I think it's more than understandable why he acted this way, given that he's not only ND and traumatized, but actively trapped in a hellish situation that gives him very little agency, while very possibly being manipulated by a malicious god who outright targets relationships and takes vicious glee in turning family and friends against each other. I'm not saying that I think the writing for this arc was perfect - again, I especially feel like the ending was rushed and abrupt. I really want to see a bunch of things addressed that weren't, like the Round Table's callousness, the Man in the Wall's possible manipulation, followups with Amir where we both check in on how he's doing and spend non-combat time with him while also getting a more coherent apology from him, and so forth. (Though I do think there will be followups, provided that the outcry hasn't scared them away from tackling tough topics. The whole vibe of the update, to me, was "we aren't done with the 1999 NPCs.") But of the criticisms I personally have with the writing, Amir being OOC is not one of them, and as someone who found it really meaningful that the uglier side of ND/trauma was shown, the fandom's reaction has frustrated and alienated me a lot. And I know from talking to others that I'm not the only one!
It might be that, after all that, some of you will still disagree with me. That's okay - differing interpretations of fiction have existed for as long as fiction itself has existed. But I do want to close this out by making it clear that none of this is written out of scorn for Amir. He's not my favorite Hex member (Quincy is) but I loved him a great deal before this update and I love him just as much, if not more now. It's precisely because I appreciate him, warts and all, for the Whole Adult Person he is - not just as comic relief or the leet hacker or the team puppy or whatever - that I'm writing this post.
After all, when you can see the ugliness that lives in your own self inside a character, and love him all the same... it becomes that much easier to love yourself, doesn't it? I'd say so.
Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I have approximately 200 pages of the Fallen London TTRPG core book preview to dissect for typos and lore inconsistencies and the feedback form closes tomorrow, oh boy! I gotta stop procrastinating and get cracking on that! I'm probably going to mute notifications on this post so I don't get distracted, but I'll reiterate - if you really need to, if this has been triggering and you need to Not see anything by me for the next however-long, it's okay to block me. I won't be upset with you. Be kind to yourselves.
thank god for the fallen london fandom which is full of highly literate freaks and sickos (EXTREMELY affectionate). sometimes I forget how good I have it here
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"five is a nothing number," I say. "three has unique structural properties and four makes a table. who the fuck makes a table with five legs?" hearing this, scp-3125 is mortally offended. it reaches down from ideatic space to devour my mind in retaliation. with what remains of my free will, I scream directly into its face: "YOU WOULD MAKE A SHIT COFFEE TABLE, STARFISH FUCKER"
'"but five isn't a nothing number! humans have five fingers on each hand!" this is a flaw of biology. humans should have more fingers. at least six. maybe seven
"five is a nothing number," I say. "three has unique structural properties and four makes a table. who the fuck makes a table with five legs?" hearing this, scp-3125 is mortally offended. it reaches down from ideatic space to devour my mind in retaliation. with what remains of my free will, I scream directly into its face: "YOU WOULD MAKE A SHIT COFFEE TABLE, STARFISH FUCKER"
the scp foundation is also kind of great because it started in 2008 when someone on 4chan wrote a "hey what if this weird statue kills you if you don't look at it" article, and 18(!) years later it's a bunch of weirdos (especially weird trans women) from all over the world writing frequently-subversive horror in all sorts of mindscrewy formats. it can be a very spicy read if you have unreality issues but there's a reason I keep coming back to read more despite being someone with unreality issues
been rereading There Is No Antimemetics Division (and its followup, Five Five Five Five Five) and thoroughly enjoying all over again all the thought that's gone into answering the question "how do you fight a threat that cannot be remembered?" it's just as good now as it was in 2015. if memory horror is your jam (I see you flondon irrigo freaks) then I highly recommend it - if you're short on time, We Need To Talk About Fifty-Five and Introductory Antimemetics are both short, excellent, and self-contained reads.
(though also, like, it's possible that you all have already read it, lmao. this isn't a joke about forgetti - this is me being Internet Old and remembering SCP as a fringe project that only a handful of weirdos read. but apparently it's Hip Among Today's Youth? one of my nostalgic internet haunts is relevant? wack.)
(also I got one of my partners to "grudgingly agree" that they would be extremely tasty to SCP-4739 which I proudly consider my crowning achievement this week)
I don't think I've ever discussed Siofra here, because GW2 was a past era for us, but she's my/our Pact Commander OC, aka the player character, the GW2 analogue to the FFXIV Warrior of Light. but while my version of the WoL is a guy who's a chronic doormat who thinks it's Morally Correct for him to do everyone's chores, Siofra was a gal who was just So Done with everything. one of her defining moments was when she went "I'm going to rescue the One person who sees me as a person rather than as a weapon, at any cost, and then I'm going to fucking murder the eldritch horror who kidnapped them and enslaved my family. and if there's nothing left of them to save, then I'm going to fucking murder the eldritch horror that much harder, and then I will die, because I fucking can't with this bitch of an earth anymore." and then she burnt down half a jungle on her rampage, inventing a new kind of elementalist and terrifying the shit out of everyone on her side in the process. they're still scared of her. she has an even greater reputation as a Deadly Warrior now. she's so tired.
also throughout that entire ordeal, the eldritch horror was trying to Take Over her mind. her solution to that was to fill herself with so much Anger and Single-Minded Deadly Focus that there was no room left for its influence. or anything else but y'know. it worked which meant that it was an objectively good idea with no side-effects and she learned only the right things about how to handle her emotions from the experience
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I don't think I've ever discussed Siofra here, because GW2 was a past era for us, but she's my/our Pact Commander OC, aka the player character, the GW2 analogue to the FFXIV Warrior of Light. but while my version of the WoL is a guy who's a chronic doormat who thinks it's Morally Correct for him to do everyone's chores, Siofra was a gal who was just So Done with everything. one of her defining moments was when she went "I'm going to rescue the One person who sees me as a person rather than as a weapon, at any cost, and then I'm going to fucking murder the eldritch horror who kidnapped them and enslaved my family. and if there's nothing left of them to save, then I'm going to fucking murder the eldritch horror that much harder, and then I will die, because I fucking can't with this bitch of an earth anymore." and then she burnt down half a jungle on her rampage, inventing a new kind of elementalist and terrifying the shit out of everyone on her side in the process. they're still scared of her. she has an even greater reputation as a Deadly Warrior now. she's so tired.
my queen is here planning a one-woman suicide-massacre and accidentally encouraging a teenage boy to commit murder because she's been a cop for years and struggles with things like "talking" and "emotions" and I think that's peak writing actually
replaying ff13 has made me realize how many of my Badass But Emotionally Constipated Ladies (wren, siofra/xiufeng, peregrine) were influenced directly by lightning. even when ff13 was not on my mind at all. some characters are just like that I guess
my queen is here planning a one-woman suicide-massacre and accidentally encouraging a teenage boy to commit murder because she's been a cop for years and struggles with things like "talking" and "emotions" and I think that's peak writing actually
anyway if I'm really gonna do hurt/comfort I should let my guys be Problematic On Main more. let them have a little Fucking Up, as a treat. you thought Rafael was an altruistic little guy? let me tell you all about how he can't resist meddling in other people's business and how even if he won't admit it he keeps thinking he's qualified to Steer The Course Of Fate. let me tell you how even though he resists what October is trying to make him into, the most important battle in this war was lost long ago - in that he thinks of other people as game pieces that he has the right and the means to shuffle around at all. it wasn't even her doing. it came Installed with the him
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another thing about "had a Does Not Compute moment upon reading that people wanted fluff not suffering" is that in my Fallen Londoner social circle I'm pretty sure I have some of the mildest tastes when it comes to suffering. I am a hurt/comfort liker in the sense that characters hurt so that the comfort Hits Harder. meanwhile a lot of the folks I know are on that all-hurt-no-comfort eternal conga line
I think being in the fallen london fandom has skewed my perception a bit because I had to sit and have a Does Not Compute moment upon reading a bunch of people going "I wanted pure fluff, not more suffering for the characters"
anyway I understand why people are feeling bait and switched but I'm personally really glad they took this direction, as someone who ended up disengaging with the newer Hex chats because they felt too... idk, fluffy is the only word I can think of for it. there's nothing wrong with fluff but as someone who played In Stars and Time (which does NOT pull any punches about how much being trapped in a timeloop actually sucks) it just always bothered me that the Hex seemingly accepted their eternal entrapment in a hellish fascist-warzone-slash-zombie-apocalypse timeloop so easily. like not even having friends with you in the loop can fix that situation, especially when one of those friends is a nigh-immortal nigh-demigod capable of manipulating said timeloop and your memories. like it's because the characters are so believably and engagingly written that this was a downright immersion-breaking thing for me.
so I'm really fucking glad they're addressing this particular Sword of Damocles. even if they're addressing it because it fell on someone. sorry, Amir. I do have a lot of faith in you and your friends, though - I believe you can make it through this.
anyway I'm overall pleased with how that resolved. it was kind of abrupt but as someone who's experienced similar, I can attest to things being easier to resolve when you already have a solid rapport with people. my main nitpicks:
they should let us play legally distinct MtG with him! :c like I'm reading Amir being in on/initiating the joke ("yeah this game is super easy to pick up you guys, you just gotta collect 8182483954 cards first!") but we DID say that we'd be willing to play other games with him and we should be able to make good on that promise!
likewise I did extremely enjoy the Oops! All Eximus mission (love devs who are memelords) but I do hope we get to check back in with Amir and make sure he's okay and do things with him beyond this, especially considering that combat isn't typically his idea of a good time. that being said the whole vibe of this quest felt like it was teasing future adventures and shenanigans with the 1999 crew so I'm not terribly concerned
I'm still going to gently take aside the Round Table and explain to them the art of gently breaking bad news to people who are already messed up about being in a bad situation. I'm going to put together a PowerPoint for it
I'm also seeing people wishing there was more resolution towards Amir lashing out at the Drifter specifically via using their history in the vent-campaign, which I think is a fair desire. that being said, maybe this is due to how I characterize Peregrine (my Drifter), but I genuinely don't think she was as rattled by Amir's "inspiration-taking" as others might be, and therefore I was not nearly so bothered by the lack of resolution on that front.
a lot of the stuff he referenced in the campaign (Alad V, Vor and the Janus Key, etc) is on the level of "stories you tell at a bar" to her, because she personally did not experience Alad V being a little shit about Natah, nor did she experience the desperate rush to remove an Ascaris right after waking up, etc. to her, these are just chuds she beats up as part of her Tuesday. she's also several degrees removed from the Lotus et al - they're not her moms, they're the Operator's moms that she helped out of a bad situation as part of another Tuesday. Loid is Albrecht's damp gay lover that she helps on other Tuesdays, not someone who helped her recover some incredibly traumatic memories. and so on, and so forth. the 1999 crew is significantly closer to her than the Lotus, Loid, etc, even if she's still fiercely loyal to the people back in the present age.
which is to say: none of that stuff is her trauma. (and this isn't denial on her part - it just isn't.) she would have absolutely considered it weaponization if it was levied against the Operator, but for her? she's worried and frustrated with Amir, but not for naming his baddies after her Tuesday Folks.
the stuff that would have actually been a below-the-belt for her, an absolutely-not, I'm-walking-away-now, sorry-isn't-good-enough, is Duviri (and, again, for Peregrine specifically, Teshin who is her parental figure). those are the things that she's touchy about, the stuff she doesn't tell stories about at a bar. but as far as I could tell, Duviri itself was never referenced in the campaign, so she has no reason to get after him for that.
(she will probably talk to him at some point about the whole snark about her resetting, though. that was kind of below the belt but in a way she understands because Thrax basically did that to her for centuries, and while she'd like for her friend to trust she isn't a tyrant, she more than understands being uneasy with someone having that power. it's complicated!)
