adult - he/they - one of many - not straight - not cis - not white - not human
Call me Phosphor!
I’m just here (very reluctantly, given tumblr’s Everything) for my friends and my fandoms, and I read much more than I post. I expect that I’ll mostly post Fallen London stuff (namely my OCs and my fanmade sigils) but who knows. I may occasionally post things on my headmate Lark’s behalf, including stuff about his own FL OC. (You can find him on his own blog as well, at @lutekeeper.)
Anyone who’s not a TERF/Nazi/etc is welcome to follow. I believe in good faith and in caring about people despite their messiness; I have no fondness for exclusionism, puritanism, or the slapfighting that passes for “discourse” on social media. Do with this information what you will.
Tags/posts of interest:
My Correspondence sigil art
My "what even is Fallen London" guidepost
References for canon Correspondence sigils
(more info below the cut)
Other links:
My system’s website
My account on the fediverse, where most of my personal posting happens - instance is set to allowlist only because I got tired of Nazi whack-a-mole, but if you want to follow me and your instance isn’t allowlisted, let me know and I’ll add it. (If you don’t have a fedi account but want one, here’s a few instances.)
My blog, where I keep many of my longposts, including some that I don't put here or on fedi.
FAQ
Why am I blocked?
See this post.
Are you still drawing Correspondence sigils/taking requests?
Yes! I go long periods where I don't draw any because I'm prone to getting deleted by seasonal depression and other health woes, but it's always okay to send in requests as long as you understand that it may be a while until I get to it.
Can I get a tattoo of one of your sigils/use it in my Fallen London fanart/brand it onto my Fallen London OC’s back/(some other personal noncommercial use that doesn’t involve blockchain or AI)?
Yes, go ahead! No credit needed.
Can I make NF*Ts of your sigils/use your sigils to train my AI/(some other techbro junk)?
No. Fuck off.
Can I use your sigils in a non-techbro commercial project?
Ask me first! If it’s something like slapping my art onto T-shirts, almost certainly no. If it’s something like “I’m drawing my Correspondent OC for a Neathy charity zine and want to use one of your designs,” then it’ll probably be fine - but again, ask me first!
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anyway I recently got my hands on a copy of The Beginner's Guide to Textile Literacy: Understanding Fibers, Fabrics, and Why It Matters, a zine on (you guessed it) the properties and care of various fabrics. it's very much a 101 level resource because it doesn't go deep into properties like structure, drape, weight, and so forth that you'd care about when picking a fabric for garment design, nor does it get into the weeds about the 5000 different subspecies of fabric that exist. however, those kinds of details aren't super relevant if you're buying clothes instead of making them from Fabrics You Select Yourself. I think it's a good thing that it focuses on communicating the information that's actually relevant to the average person instead of drowning them in tons of detail that won't be useful to them. and the information it gives you is cleanly presented and easy to digest.
I only have three (relatively minor) gripes about it:
there's a little drawing of someone going "$200 for plastic? no thanks" to which I say that it's So Valid to not want to spend $200 on polyester when you could spend it on silk instead, and that it's crummy how hard the fashion industry tries to disguise polyester... BUT ALSO it's entirely possible for $200 worth of labor to have been put into a polyester garment, because clothes still have to be assembled by workers. (not that said workers are likely to get that $200, unfortunately, but it's worth keeping in mind esp if you decide to get clothes from a smaller maker.)
semi-synthetics (fabrics like viscose and tencel) aren't discussed in the section on burn testing (internet claims they burn like cotton/linen/etc, which makes sense since they're still cellulose. this complicates identification for sure but it's still good to know)
the section on laundering is sparse and doesn't cover useful facts like "enzymatic detergents are great but Don't You Dare use them on wool/silk" and "sometimes washing things on warm/hot is literally the only way you'll get them clean." THAT BEING SAID. my standards here are skewed because my frame of reference is the freaks over at /r/laundry
the ebook version is like 6 USD from Microcosm (an indie publisher that's shamelessly queer, leftist, and anti-AI) so imo it's very worthwhile if you're curious about the how, what, and why of clothing and want to have a bunch of information in one handy place.
there's another book I'm eyeing that's much more 201 and 301 level, which is The Fashion Designer's Textile Directory: A Guide to Fabrics' Properties, Characteristics, and Garment-Design Potential. this one DOES get into the weeds because it assumes you're a Professional. it's big, it's lavishly illustrated, and it's dense - I came across it when a roommate brought it home from the library, and I wasn't able to get all the way through before it had to be returned. but thanks to the small amount I Did read, I now know what the fuck a "cotton lawn" or a "chambray" or a "seersucker" is. it's great when digging through the fashion industry's cast-offs! even if you're not doing that, if you're at all interested in getting into the weeds on textile taxonomy, this is a pretty good starting place if you can find it at your library. (or you can look at the first edition online!)
me: "huh, 'ramie linen,' that's a textile I haven't met before. I should go learn what that's about--"
the very first site I open: "unlike flax linen which has a PROUD EUROPEAN HERITAGE, ramie linen is made from a CHINESE NETTLE PLANT. ramie linen is currently less widespread than flax linen but that's due to the more involved processing required of ramie fibers - china is working on new enzymatic processing methods, that if successful, may ENDANGER OUR PRECIOUS HEIRLOOM FIBERS by flooding the market with CHEAP IMITATIONS--"
it turns out that it's infuriatingly hard to find any kind of objective information about textiles online because most of your search results are going to be fabric merchants who are understandably Invested in telling you all about why this fabric is the Bestest New Thing that you should stock up on, and that's without factoring in differences in manufacturing process, weave, etc. there ARE science papers on fiber properties, but the properties they report on are several steps removed from how said fiber actually feels and behaves when made into clothes.
I think I've resigned myself to the idea that all clothes are going to need repair eventually, and therefore my standards for anything I'm going to take the time to make into a garment are "can be washed in a machine on at least warm" and "not made of plastic." but like. it would still be nice to know some things so I can decide whether it's a good idea to make a given fabric into something that's going to have a bunch of stress points.
ANYWAY I can't tell how much of this is legit and how much of this is just "trust me bro," but ramie linen (in sharp contrast to the language decrying it as a Cheaper Worse flax linen) is its own beast with quite a few nice qualities. yes, it is made from a nettle plant - no, that particular nettle does not sting. sources are all over the place about how strong it is (especially because "strength" when it comes to fibers refers to a bunch of different factors) but it's tough enough, including when wet, that it's used to make ropes and fishing nets. it's been used for a Very Long Time in asia, with many examples of ramie linen clothing surviving today. it spins into a more consistent yarn than linen (which often spins into yarns with varying thicknesses, aka slubs) so it can be made into some very fine and smooth fabrics - this can be a plus or a minus since slubbiness can be great for more rustic-ish looks. it also has a slight sheen - again, plus or minus depending on what you're going for. claims are that it initially feels rougher than flax linen but softens up nicely after a few washes. claims are also that it's "naturally anti-microbial" (how? by what measure? in what way?), highly breathable, and that it both wicks moisture and dries quickly which makes it great in hot and humid climates - which okay, I'd buy that considering its long history of use in hot and humid countries, but I really would like something more specific than "better than cotton/flax linen/etc." like so many clothes are made of plastic these days. the bar for these things is in hell.
I think my takeaway is that if I find some deadstock (fashion industry leftovers) of it in a color I like, in a weight I need, I might acquire some just to putter around with, but it doesn't seem to show up in deadstock very much. at least not in the US
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me: "huh, 'ramie linen,' that's a textile I haven't met before. I should go learn what that's about--"
the very first site I open: "unlike flax linen which has a PROUD EUROPEAN HERITAGE, ramie linen is made from a CHINESE NETTLE PLANT. ramie linen is currently less widespread than flax linen but that's due to the more involved processing required of ramie fibers - china is working on new enzymatic processing methods, that if successful, may ENDANGER OUR PRECIOUS HEIRLOOM FIBERS by flooding the market with CHEAP IMITATIONS--"
me: "sometimes I worry I don't love the people around me enough"
me: "like, can you really call it love if you haven't slain gods for them? spent hundreds of lonely years toiling towards an uncertain salvation? traveled to the end of the universe to save all of creation, just for them?"
me: "I should have killed at least one god by now. maybe two. but instead I'm just lying in bed. some friend and partner I am"
Bastion: "Phosphor, do you know how people develop unrealistic standards for how they should look? I think you have that, but for acts of service. Unrealistic anime standards."
me: "hey Bast, do you think I've missed my true calling as an Omelas kid?"
Bastion: *in a tired and long-suffering voice* "No."
me: "I mean like sure, you shouldn't put anyone in the Omelas hole who doesn't want to be in the Omelas hole, but if you wanted to be in the Omelas hole, maybe it'd actually be a pretty sweet gig. everyone you care about is happy and provided for and you don't even have to do anything for it besides sit in filth and cry--"
me: "have you ever thought about how nice it would be to have your soul gently lifted from your body and stapled to a cosmic seal holding back the crawling horrors that are hell-bent on devouring the universe, so that you may be said seal's power source for all of eternity?"
Bastion: "I think that the greatest gift that you can give the people who love you is not making them worry that you'll crawl back into the Omelas hole if they don't continuously supervise you."
me: "well. ouch."
Bastion: "Tough."
me: "are you sure they wouldn't prefer a nice godslaying instead? I could even leave the corpse on their pillow, like a cat"
me: "sometimes I worry I don't love the people around me enough"
me: "like, can you really call it love if you haven't slain gods for them? spent hundreds of lonely years toiling towards an uncertain salvation? traveled to the end of the universe to save all of creation, just for them?"
me: "I should have killed at least one god by now. maybe two. but instead I'm just lying in bed. some friend and partner I am"
Bastion: "Phosphor, do you know how people develop unrealistic standards for how they should look? I think you have that, but for acts of service. Unrealistic anime standards."
me: "hey Bast, do you think I've missed my true calling as an Omelas kid?"
Bastion: *in a tired and long-suffering voice* "No."
me: "I mean like sure, you shouldn't put anyone in the Omelas hole who doesn't want to be in the Omelas hole, but if you wanted to be in the Omelas hole, maybe it'd actually be a pretty sweet gig. everyone you care about is happy and provided for and you don't even have to do anything for it besides sit in filth and cry--"
me: "have you ever thought about how nice it would be to have your soul gently lifted from your body and stapled to a cosmic seal holding back the crawling horrors that are hell-bent on devouring the universe, so that you may be said seal's power source for all of eternity?"
me: "sometimes I worry I don't love the people around me enough"
me: "like, can you really call it love if you haven't slain gods for them? spent hundreds of lonely years toiling towards an uncertain salvation? traveled to the end of the universe to save all of creation, just for them?"
me: "I should have killed at least one god by now. maybe two. but instead I'm just lying in bed. some friend and partner I am"
Bastion: "Phosphor, do you know how people develop unrealistic standards for how they should look? I think you have that, but for acts of service. Unrealistic anime standards."
me: "hey Bast, do you think I've missed my true calling as an Omelas kid?"
Bastion: *in a tired and long-suffering voice* "No."
me: "I mean like sure, you shouldn't put anyone in the Omelas hole who doesn't want to be in the Omelas hole, but if you wanted to be in the Omelas hole, maybe it'd actually be a pretty sweet gig. everyone you care about is happy and provided for and you don't even have to do anything for it besides sit in filth and cry--"
me: "sometimes I worry I don't love the people around me enough"
me: "like, can you really call it love if you haven't slain gods for them? spent hundreds of lonely years toiling towards an uncertain salvation? traveled to the end of the universe to save all of creation, just for them?"
me: "I should have killed at least one god by now. maybe two. but instead I'm just lying in bed. some friend and partner I am"
Bastion: "Phosphor, do you know how people develop unrealistic standards for how they should look? I think you have that, but for acts of service. Unrealistic anime standards."
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thinking about how rafael and his late brother have entirely normal senses of responsibility that led both of them to make wholly reasonable and self-caring choices (this is a blatant lie)
the thing about liking NPCs in fallen london specifically is that I'm compelled to score them not just by how blorbo they are but by how fuckable they are to me personally. january is Foremost in blorboness, but somewhat low on fuckability because I get the vibe that she's ace, or otherwise disinterested in fucking. mr hearts' fuckability is off the charts, but it isn't quite blorbo material for me. but! my wife tatterdemalion! he is not only prime blorbo material, he is so very fuckable
*comes back to my 5 AM post still wildly sleep-deprived* listen. there's just something about fallen london that makes you ponder the fuckability of its characters. it's something in the water. in the mushroom wine. it makes you ponder the fuckability of many an NPC. especially tatterdemalion. I ponder his fuckability a lot
the thing about liking NPCs in fallen london specifically is that I'm compelled to score them not just by how blorbo they are but by how fuckable they are to me personally. january is Foremost in blorboness, but somewhat low on fuckability because I get the vibe that she's ace, or otherwise disinterested in fucking. mr hearts' fuckability is off the charts, but it isn't quite blorbo material for me. but! my wife tatterdemalion! he is not only prime blorbo material, he is so very fuckable
are you a well-adjusted person with no attachment issues and a normal sense of responsibility. or are you hope estheim, who as an incredibly timid 14-year-old:
watched his mother die in a violent military purge and immediately after got put into the Worst Situation Ever
coped with it by nearly giving into hatred and rage before being shown a better way forward by the adults around him
and consequently experienced tremendous character growth, becoming a capable, compassionate, and confident teammate who helps Kill God and Save The World
and then proceeded to grow into a 27-year-old who:
grew up watching the dear friends he'd Saved The World with vanish inexplicably from his life, one by one
coped with it by becoming an incredibly charismatic and altruistic leader of humanity who is also a brilliant scientist who is also a terrible workaholic who proceeds to go on a centuries-long quest to save both his friends AND the world
and almost succeeds... only to fail horrifically at the last moment for reasons beyond his control
copes with it by continuing to be an incredibly charismatic and altruistic leader of humanity who is also a brilliant scientist who is also a terrible workaholic, keeping society from going to shit among the ruins of the world while searching for a way to save everyone (again)
only for God (another one) to decide that he's a threat to his plans, kidnap him, and torture him for over a century straight to Destroy His Emotions and mold him into a Pure Vessel For The Divine
the thing is that "scared angry kid in a terrible situation who matures tremendously and becomes a confident and capable member of the team" and "shining beacon of humanity who is a secretly broken workaholic" are both great tropes on their own. but the genius of hope's character arc over the 13 trilogy is that you get a guy who is Both.
like it's extremely good that the Kid In A Terrible Situation got the support he needed to rise above it and seize agency in a dilemma engineered for him to have none. but for both better and worse, there was absolutely no way he would have grown up to be a normal person after the solution to his problems was "with enough determination you can Kill God and Save The World"
music theory person analyzing various themes in ff13: "You can really feel Hope's loneliness in his theme, and unfortunately, that's an element that's going to be passed down to all of the tracks derived from his theme in the series. Hope never really stops being lonely."
yeah this is exactly correct and I'm going to fucking chew up my drywall about it thanks
man, I forgot just how hard lightning copes with being scared/lost/grieving by being Angry and lashing out at everything around her. I actually love her so much
most people will remember the part of vile peaks where she takes so much psychic damage from lashing out at hope, telling him he's a Burden that she's Leaving Behind, etc, that it causes her eidolon to manifest. as they should, because it's Iconic and The Turning Point for her entire character arc. but there's also that bit not long before where she basically goes "I'm going to commit suicide by destroying the capital city" and everyone else in the party reacted to the "destroying the capital city" part and not at all to the "I'm going to commit suicide" part (except sazh who called her out on it but didn't press further) (and as Z. (partner) pointed out: in full it was more like "I'm going to commit suicide by destroying the capital city because this is my best and only option" and no one was able to engage with the idea that options could even exist) and I'm extremely unwell about that
I'M ALSO REALIZING. that the "I'm going to commit suicide by destroying the capital city" scene is the first time you hear her theme. not the game's main battle theme which is an arrangement of her theme, but her actual theme, which is much softer and seemingly at odds with what's going on. it kicks in right as she announces her plan, even. man!
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man, I forgot just how hard lightning copes with being scared/lost/grieving by being Angry and lashing out at everything around her. I actually love her so much
most people will remember the part of vile peaks where she takes so much psychic damage from lashing out at hope, telling him he's a Burden that she's Leaving Behind, etc, that it causes her eidolon to manifest. as they should, because it's Iconic and The Turning Point for her entire character arc. but there's also that bit not long before where she basically goes "I'm going to commit suicide by destroying the capital city" and everyone else in the party reacted to the "destroying the capital city" part and not at all to the "I'm going to commit suicide" part (except sazh who called her out on it but didn't press further) (and as Z. (partner) pointed out: in full it was more like "I'm going to commit suicide by destroying the capital city because this is my best and only option" and no one was able to engage with the idea that options could even exist) and I'm extremely unwell about that
man, I forgot just how hard lightning copes with being scared/lost/grieving by being Angry and lashing out at everything around her. I actually love her so much
most people will remember the part of vile peaks where she takes so much psychic damage from lashing out at hope, telling him he's a Burden that she's Leaving Behind, etc, that it causes her eidolon to manifest. as they should, because it's Iconic and The Turning Point for her entire character arc. but there's also that bit not long before where she basically goes "I'm going to commit suicide by destroying the capital city" and everyone else in the party reacted to the "destroying the capital city" part and not at all to the "I'm going to commit suicide" part (except sazh who called her out on it but didn't press further) (and as Z. (partner) pointed out: in full it was more like "I'm going to commit suicide by destroying the capital city because this is my best and only option" and no one was able to engage with the idea that options could even exist) and I'm extremely unwell about that
