Hello Lovely.

*sighs dreamily* what a fucking weirdo

*twirling hair* what a fucking freak

can i come over and crawl on you

So deer have this instinct to stand tall and walk like a king when they notice something (a predator) watching them so they look like strong opponents since predators usually target the weakest members of the herd. The baby is doing the Don't Eat Me Walk.

Predators: “How could I possibly eat someone THAT cool??”

girls don’t want boyfriends, we want ania magliano’s wardrobe from taskmaster

Stop volunteering to be the village sacrifice we all know you're not a virgin. The dragon probably wouldn't even be into you.

Untie yourself from that altar right now.

Look. I didn't want to say anything because it's kind of a touchy subject, but the dragon doesn't actually take these "brides" back to its lair full of riches and add them to a harem. Okay? It's a big fucking lizard with a brain the size of an orange, it just roasts and eats them.

That's why we always pick the most useless airhead to sacrifice come harvest season.

Now come on, get those chains off. Where did you even get these? Oh you made them? See that's the kind of craftsmanship the village needs you for. We'll have a big orgy after the ritual and if you want a bunch of us will dress up as dragons and take turns having a go at you. It'll be nice, you'll see.

Yes, yes, I know, not the same. Well not all dreams are attainable, in the end.

[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in

are you going to scarborough fair? do you mind picking up some things for me? yeah: parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. haha yeah lotta herbs. you’re cool with that? thanks man i really appreciate it :)

also if you see my ex can you like.. tell her i’m doing really good. like really good

Accidentally clicking on an AI assistant feels like clicking on a link that’s going to give you a virus.

Nothing more embarrassing than accidentally using a big word wrong because now I'm simultaneously both stupid and pretentious, the worst combination of all time