Giggles and Glamours

…only to be followed by this amazing message.

The roller coaster ride started.

With a happy ending…

…and a sweet poem to finish.

This is Linda, 60

Alexis, 64

Helena, 63

Kendrah, 72 (!!)

Tasha, 65

This one hurt, her work had such a profound effect on my life, thoughts, and politics.

May her memory be a blessing

we're looking to create an AI policy, and when we were talking about this, my boss (older millennial) was genuinely shocked to hear that younger people do not (seem) to view AI positively (a la the recent commencement speakers being booed)

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“Back in my day we didn’t have any of these childhood protective things, we were smart enough not to do stupid shit on our own!” Except your little neighbour, who got the funniest idea at the age of seven, and got his skull pierced when he slipped?

“Back in my day nobody got divorced, we stuck together and fixed our problems!” What about your cousin, who was slowly killed by her husband because she had nowhere to escape him?

“Back in my day nobody had ‘mental problems’, we didn’t whine, we just toughed it out and endured life!” Hey remember that guy you used to work with, who seemed really friendly and normal, and then suddenly hanged himself ‘for no reason’?

“Back in my day we didn’t have any of this ‘gay’ or ‘transgender’ thing.” You did, but your family cut all ties with her before you were born.

"but what about hiding your-" I guarantee you women's clothes already does that, and you need it less than you think

"but what about adding padding to-" there are women's clothes that do that, also you need it less than you think

"but I don't think women's clothes will accommodate my proportions" I'm guessing that they will, and if you've been in HRT for any noticeable amount of time, they will likely fit better than men's clothes

Like I had my whole "femboy guide" pre transition, but that was a different vibe entirely.

If you want my advice on how to dress now, it would literally just be:

Take what you currently wear

Look at the woman's cut version of it

Size it properly

Wear it the correct way (eg, use the waist that women's clothes are made for)

There's a lot of clothes that's made "specifically for" trans women. Aside from very specific things (like tucking) I think most of it is garbage. Not to mention the absolute horrible ways that they're often marketed, rolling in trans women's everyday clothes with crossdressers and fetish gear.

When a trans woman first transitions, I've found that they're immediately BOMBARDED with "fashion advice" that is A, extremely othering and sometimes dysphoria inducing, and B, oftentimes outright garbage and uses old school crossdressing/drag advice that often fails to account for the effects of HRT, or doesn't come off as a more casual look.

I do think there's value in guides that are more in the zone of "hey, you've only been taught about men's fashion and clothes your whole life, here's the basics of women's fashion to catch you up to speed" but I've yet to find one that doesn't devolve into a weird "hide everything about your body, tran" kind of tone.

Quick preemptive Q&A

Are you saying that trans women CAN'T wear men's clothes and/or be butch?

No, I'm saying that women's clothes DOES fit and accommodate trans women's proportions, but most people refuse to believe that.

So you're a gender conformist then? Just molded to the binary system of fashion?

The last thing society wants a trans woman to be, is a woman. The most radical thing you can be is yourself, and sometimes yourself is a woman.

But what if I don't want to dress in women's clothes?!?

Your waist is high. Higher than that. It's over your belly button. Yes it'll feel high waisted. Yes it'll also feel good. If your hips are getting wider, this is where pants will try to sit naturally anyways, and anything else will be uncomfortable.

On that note, the lack of pockets on women's pants actually does have a functional undertone. Having pockets at the waistline creates a VERY uncomfortable "pivot point" between your stomach and your legs, meaning if you put your keys or phone in pockets of women's pants, they're gonna jab you in the stomach.

THAT SAID, if you DO want pockets, I'm not gonna stop you. But get cargo pants!!! Women's cargo pants look SO nice, and thigh pockets are a godsend. They're more functional and more comfortable with growing hips.

Yes, women's cuts actually do make a fair bit of difference, and yes, you will fit and look more feminine in a women's cut. Even if it's a women's cut of jeans and a t shirt.

"unisex" clothing is oftentimes just men's clothing rebranded. I'm sorry but it's true. A lot of it will drape over you in boxy ways, since the "visual size" of a men's cut is almost entirely defined by the shoulders and upper body. This looks bad if you have wide shoulders or large boobs. It looks REALLY bad if you have wide shoulders AND large boobs, like I do. (Side note, the solution to degendering this should probably be something along the lines of giving the two cuts neutral names, like "shoulder cut" and "waist cut")

Bra sizing is a mystic art. No chart, calculator, or online tool will get you anywhere close to just trying on a variety of them yourself. They're a necessary starting point, but they're not going to get it right. Doesn't have to be an actual fitting, doesn't have to involve another human being, just grab a couple and try them all on. Hell, order them online and return the ones that don't fit if you're too nervous about being seen at all.